DEAR HARRIETTE: Whenever my boyfriend and I fight, he usually ends up throwing something and breaking it. I understand that he feels frustrated by a difficult conversation, but I end up replacing the item or making do without. I can’t exactly give my boyfriend an invoice for everything he’s ever broken! He usually breaks smaller things, like jars or television remotes. His lack of respect for my belongings in the heat of the moment just makes me angrier and escalates the fight. How can I get him to stop doing this? I know I shouldn’t try fighting fire with fire. -- Pitcher’s Arm, Cleveland

DEAR PITCHER’S ARM: Step back a moment and think about what is happening. Your boyfriend is violent. It is not normal for someone to throw and break things in the heat of an argument. It shows clear lack of control over his emotions. Someone who throws and breaks things on a regular basis is likely to hurt you in some way one day, even if it’s unintentional. You need to evaluate whether you are safe in this relationship. As confident as you may feel, I want to challenge you to look ahead to the future. What if you decide to stay with this man? What if you choose to have children with him? Will you be comfortable with him throwing things at you in the company of your children?

I know these are intense questions, but they are real. Think about your future, and then take action. You can attempt to talk to your boyfriend and make it clear that you can’t stay with him if he doesn’t stop the violence. Do yourself a favor: When you say that to him, be in a public place. You do not want him to hurt you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Do you think couples in relationships should be allowed to search through each other’s phones? I know of some couples who swear by it and do it randomly by looking through messages, calls, photos and social media on the significant other’s phone. Other couples have deemed it rude and invasive. Who is right here? Is it modern-day protocol to share phone passcodes just because you are in a relationship? -- Where’s the Line, Tupelo, Mississippi

DEAR WHERE’S THE LINE: What you are essentially asking about is trust and how you maintain it in a relationship. Sneaking and checking your partner’s emails does not seem like a trusting action. If you feel uncertain about your relationship and, therefore, feel the need to check to see what your partner is doing, that is a good sign that something is terribly wrong.

I recommend speaking to your partner first before starting your sleuthing. Be courageous and ask if there’s something you should be worried about. Directly ask if your partner wants to be involved still or if things are uncertain between you.

I will add that looking at your partner’s social media posts is certainly OK. These are public postings that anyone with permission can view. If you are blocked from your partner’s social media, that in and of itself should be a sign that something is wrong in your relationship.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am very invested in skin care, and am currently curating the perfect anti-aging routine. I have noticed that my teenage niece, “Shannon,” has cystic acne. She covers it up with makeup and constantly touches her face and picks at it. I was a teenager once, and I battled acne into my 20s. Could I give her my unsolicited advice? I know simple fixes that could do wonders for her skin, but I don’t want to be seen as the nosy aunt. -- Clear Skin Awaits, Tupelo, Mississippi

DEAR CLEAR SKIN AWAITS: You may remember from your teenage days that young folks don’t tend to listen to us older folks. So you have to be inventive. Think about what may have motivated you. I bet if you told your niece a story about your own personal journey, especially if you had uncontrolled acne, and how you didn’t have the products to get your skin in check, she may listen.

Talk to her. Tell her that you have learned about a regimen that can reduce acne outbreaks dramatically. If you can offer her a free trial, go for it. Demonstrate the effectiveness of the products you use, and then encourage her to try them. If she follows directions and your advice works, you will be able to help your niece and possibly bring more needy teens into the fold!

DEAR HARRIETTE: Half a year after ending a long-term relationship, a mutual friend of ours told me I was cheated on the whole relationship. I have luckily moved on from the relationship, but this makes me question the “friend” more than my ex. I just don’t understand the motivation to tell me so long after the relationship ended. Should I question her more, or just drop this? I have no intention of bringing this up with my ex. -- Old Relationship, New News, Wilmington, Delaware

DEAR OLD RELATIONSHIP, NEW NEWS: If you value your friendship with this person, you should confront her. Ask her why she would choose to tell you about your ex’s indiscretions at this time. Listen to her response. Sadly, some friends feel the need to feed a fire. If her motivation is to stir the pot, you will know that she is not the kind of friend you want to have. If she has a reason for revealing this information, hear it out and decide if it is valid.

More than anything, you must tell her where you stand. Make it clear that you do not want to hear about your ex’s life, now or when he was with you. Tell your friend that you don’t understand why she chose to share such hurtful information with you so long after your breakup. Let her know that you do not consider it helpful, and that you do not want to hear any more about it. Decide to move on and to resist listening to any more stories about this man. You deserve to live in the present moment and to enjoy what comes to you now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have noticed dark bruising on random parts of my body recently. I have not done anything (like bumped my arm or leg) to get these bruises. Family and strangers have asked me where these bruises are coming from, but I don’t have answers to give them. This leads to them questioning my boyfriend and making wild accusations. These are truly random bruises! Do I have to get a physical examination to prove these bruises are harmless? -- Black, Blue and Accused, Seattle

DEAR BLACK, BLUE AND ACCUSED: Your next step is to go to your doctor with haste. It is not common for a person to suddenly experience bruising all over her body. The people who encounter you, family and strangers alike, are seeing that something is wrong. That’s because something is wrong. If you are telling the truth that your boyfriend has not been abusing you, and no one else has -- including yourself -- then it is time to run to the doctor to find out what is happening in your body to bring on the bruising.

Do not take this lightly. Your body is clearly screaming out to you for attention. Take heed. Find out what is going on and tend to yourself so that you can be healthy. And, yes, in case you wonder, there are serious conditions that cause bruising, as well as less serious ones. Find out.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife's children call her by her old nickname, which is a play on their last name. Since marrying me, my wife has changed her name. I know my stepchildren do it to anger me and get under my skin. I have suggested calling her by a better nickname, and was met with snickers. How can I stop my wife’s old surname from being shouted throughout the house? I don’t like thinking about her ex-husband. -- “Mom” Only, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR “MOM” ONLY: Give up on this strategy. Your wife’s children will never let go of their father and his importance in their life. Likewise, they will likely hold onto this old moniker. By accepting it and potentially even embracing it as a nickname, you may be able to help all of them to hold on a little less tightly.

Do not put yourself in competition with your wife’s ex-husband. Instead, make your own mark. Be yourself. Build a unique relationship with each family member. Let the children know that you care about them, their happiness and their future. Assure your wife that you love her and want to grow your relationship with her children. Ask her to help you to build a bond with her children. Know that this will take time. The best way to forge this bond is with your wife’s help. Naturally, her children will be suspicious of you and possibly jealous. Together you must show them that you are a positive part of their lives. You can do it. But you must have patience.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)