DEAR HARRIETTE: When I came home from dinner, I noticed about a dozen empty beer cans in the recycling. My teenage daughter was the only one home during this time. She was sleeping at the time of my discovery, and I didn’t want to wake her up. I think she has a serious binge drinking problem, but I don’t know if punishing her would yield positive results.

I haven’t told my wife about my discovery yet, because she would certainly ground our daughter for a longer time than necessary. Should I try to settle this just between me and my daughter? -- Dozen Cans, Milwaukee

DEAR DOZEN CANS: You are about to enter what is likely to be a tough battle to save your daughter. Binge drinking is an escalating crisis in our country, particularly among teens. You are right that punishment may not be the most effective way of helping your daughter. If she did drink a dozen beers at home, there’s a good chance she has been drinking like that in other places. This is dangerous for her physical and mental health.

You can start by speaking to her and letting her know how concerned you are about her, and asking her to let you help her. Tell her that you noticed the beer cans, and you believe she consumed the beer. Ask her what’s going on with her, and gently attempt to get her to talk to you. Do not speak in judgmental tones, as that will not help at all. Read up on binge drinking -- defined as four or more alcoholic beverages consumed at one time -- and share what you’ve read with your daughter. Here’s one helpful site: kidshealth.org/en/teens/binge-drink.html.

Do not leave your wife in the dark. You need to work together to help your daughter. This can be a life-threatening activity. Many binge drinkers die from alcohol poisoning, and it has also been proven that rape, STDs and other violent crimes occur more often when people are intoxicated.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been put in an organizational research group with six of my co-workers. I have done projects like this before, so I started laying out a possible plan of action immediately. As I was attempting to describe what had and hadn’t worked in the past, my colleague "Ronald" constantly talked over me and interrupted. In hindsight, I know that letting my natural tendency to take over was not the best way to start off the group project, but I have experience in this field -- he doesn’t. We will be working together into the spring, and Ronald has already rubbed me the wrong way. How can I save this team project from becoming contentious? -- Butting Heads, Syracuse, New York

DEAR BUTTING HEADS: Invite Ronald to a one-on-one meeting where you ask him to share his ideas about how to move forward with the project. Tell him that you think it’s important for the two of you to be on the same page. Ask him for his input. Laud any ideas that he has that seem helpful. Then add a couple of ideas based on your experience. Do your best not to tout your experience, though, because that will trigger his ego. Tread lightly!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have lived with my parents while pursuing my college education. Now that I am about to graduate in May, I want to become independent as soon as possible. I have worked and paid for my share of the house during this time. My parents don’t know how to manage money and would certainly come knocking if they saw my meager savings account. How much should I have saved up to move out on my own? I have never lived alone before. -- Spread My Wings, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR SPREAD MY WINGS: You can keep your savings information to yourself. That is your business. It is good that you contribute to your family household, as you should, until you move out. Financial experts recommend that people have at least six months’ salary saved so that they are prepared for job loss for any reason. You haven’t started your career yet, so you will have to use different criteria. Look for an apartment in the area where you want to live. How much is the rent? Electricity? Your cellphone? Wardrobe needs? Food? Itemize whatever you imagine you have to spend monthly in order to live independently. If possible, save up six months’ worth of that before you leave home. Obviously, you want to have a job, too. When you do leave, thank your parents for their generosity and loving support. If you ever are able to help them financially, by all means do so. Remember how much they have done for you, and be generous.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This inauguration had my students very upset. I teach in an area with many immigrants, due to the abundance of dairy farms. While I keep my political views outside of the classroom, I want to somehow comfort them about the next four years. How can I boost morale during this divisive time? I hate seeing so many children influenced by their parents' political views. -- Sad Class, Dallas

DEAR SAD CLASS: Your students may be facing more than just their parents’ political views. If they are Dreamers -- children of people who came to this company illegally who are themselves not American -- they run the risk of being deported, should the clemency that was being developed to protect Dreamers be eradicated. This is a tricky issue that is extremely volatile on all sides. Your students should be worried, even though their angst surely doesn’t help you to train their minds and inspire them to dream about their futures.

What can you do? Tell them that you will do whatever you can to build their minds so that they are prepared to face the world with knowledge and confidence. You can also pledge to pay attention to what happens with government rulings so that their parents are informed. What you cannot do is make any promises about what the future holds for them. This is true for all of your students. All you can do is prepare them the best you can in the present moment.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that high school never ends. Years after graduating, one of the “mean girls” in my grade reached out to me. She was asking about my experience volunteering at an organization and wondered if I could recommend her. I haven’t responded yet, and I am unsure if I should even bother. Do I give this mean girl the benefit of the doubt? I haven’t even seen her in years. -- New Leaf, Towson, Maryland

DEAR NEW LEAF: This simple call has clearly unnerved you. Before you do anything, take a moment to observe how you feel after having been reached by a “mean girl” from your past. Ask yourself if you feel comfortable recommending her for anything. This would require you being able to speak to the woman’s character, given that you wouldn’t know about her work ethics.

Finally, do you feel capable of confronting her about her behavior toward you when you were younger? If you do not feel strong enough, interested enough or prepared to stand up to this woman, you should leave it alone. I can tell you, though, that if you are able to have an honest conversation where you claim your power as an adult and do not let her get under your skin, you will have the opportunity to tell her how rude and mean she was during your youth, how you didn’t appreciate her behavior toward you and that you need to know more about who she has become before you would ever consider recommending her for anything. Just be sure to listen after you state your case.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I baby-sit for a child who is afraid of the dark -- so much so that he prolongs bedtime for hours. There have been times his parents have come home, and he is still awake. They are unhappy, and I am unsure of what to do. Their son isn’t well behaved, and has threatened to tell his parents I beat him if I try to keep him in his room. The cash I make from this gig is great, but I don’t know how much longer I’ll be around if his parents come home to him running around at 11 p.m. Should I explain to them why he isn’t sleeping and why I am not more forceful with him? -- Lights Off, Denver

DEAR LIGHTS OFF: Try helping this child get to sleep with the lights on. Stop fighting him. Whatever his psychological issue is, you are not equipped to handle that, but you can attempt to allow for what he says is an impediment. Sit with him in a dimly lit room that is still illuminated. Read a book with him. Sing songs with him. Figure out fun, quiet things you can do together that will occupy his mind without stimulating him.

If he continues to misbehave, figure out a way to record his behavior without his knowledge. Use your cellphone or another small recorder that is out of his line of sight. Then present the footage to his parents so they can see for themselves how uncontrollable he is. Ask the parents for guidance on how to manage their child better.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)