DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that high school never ends. Years after graduating, one of the “mean girls” in my grade reached out to me. She was asking about my experience volunteering at an organization and wondered if I could recommend her. I haven’t responded yet, and I am unsure if I should even bother. Do I give this mean girl the benefit of the doubt? I haven’t even seen her in years. -- New Leaf, Towson, Maryland

DEAR NEW LEAF: This simple call has clearly unnerved you. Before you do anything, take a moment to observe how you feel after having been reached by a “mean girl” from your past. Ask yourself if you feel comfortable recommending her for anything. This would require you being able to speak to the woman’s character, given that you wouldn’t know about her work ethics.

Finally, do you feel capable of confronting her about her behavior toward you when you were younger? If you do not feel strong enough, interested enough or prepared to stand up to this woman, you should leave it alone. I can tell you, though, that if you are able to have an honest conversation where you claim your power as an adult and do not let her get under your skin, you will have the opportunity to tell her how rude and mean she was during your youth, how you didn’t appreciate her behavior toward you and that you need to know more about who she has become before you would ever consider recommending her for anything. Just be sure to listen after you state your case.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I baby-sit for a child who is afraid of the dark -- so much so that he prolongs bedtime for hours. There have been times his parents have come home, and he is still awake. They are unhappy, and I am unsure of what to do. Their son isn’t well behaved, and has threatened to tell his parents I beat him if I try to keep him in his room. The cash I make from this gig is great, but I don’t know how much longer I’ll be around if his parents come home to him running around at 11 p.m. Should I explain to them why he isn’t sleeping and why I am not more forceful with him? -- Lights Off, Denver

DEAR LIGHTS OFF: Try helping this child get to sleep with the lights on. Stop fighting him. Whatever his psychological issue is, you are not equipped to handle that, but you can attempt to allow for what he says is an impediment. Sit with him in a dimly lit room that is still illuminated. Read a book with him. Sing songs with him. Figure out fun, quiet things you can do together that will occupy his mind without stimulating him.

If he continues to misbehave, figure out a way to record his behavior without his knowledge. Use your cellphone or another small recorder that is out of his line of sight. Then present the footage to his parents so they can see for themselves how uncontrollable he is. Ask the parents for guidance on how to manage their child better.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: When someone passes away in this day and age, it is a little unnerving that all of their social media gets left behind.

There was a younger student who passed in my community whose family uses his social media accounts to post sad messages such as “Bobby would've loved this weather!” on warm days. Is it immoral to delete this account from my friends list? I don't want to dishonor the dead, but I feel as though they are misusing the account. -- Sad Status, Milwaukee

DEAR SAD STATUS: You have touched upon a new dilemma that many are facing. For one, the fact that a friend or family member had one or more social media outlets that remain open and potentially active can be both unnerving and oddly comforting for loved ones who are left behind. In the early days of a person’s death, these points of contact can be useful as they may be the way that loved ones learn about a person’s passing, details of the memorial service and other immediate considerations. Beyond that, it is true that sometimes family and friends keep the pages going. This has a lot to do with not being able to let go.

For each grieving person, the process is different as to how long you hold on to these connections that no longer are directly between you and the person who is now gone. You must gauge for yourself when you no longer want to hear from others who loved the person. Know that you have no reason to feel bad when you do let go. Ultimately, you have to live your life and be present for yourself and the people who are alive with you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After unsuccessful freelancing attempts, I have begun working for the family business. I started off with an hourly wage, but now I am in talks of receiving a salary. I don't know how to charge my own family. I also don't know how to even begin calculating how much I am “worth.” -- Business Meets Family, Little Rock, Arkansas

DEAR BUSINESS MEETS FAMILY: Especially when you begin to work in a family business, is it incumbent upon you to do your research in every way. Learn everything you can about the industry that your family is in. Discover how your family’s business compares to similar businesses in your town, state and in the country. Figure out what the average salaries are for employees in a range of jobs that your company offers, particularly the one that you will be filling.

Be clear about what you have to offer to the family business so that you are properly matched in the company to support a successful engagement. When you present the salary that you believe best represents your value and contribution along with what the market considers fair, you will be better able to support your argument for this amount and inspire your family to view the company through this professional lens as well. Good luck!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate told me I can't bring any strangers home. This lecture came after my boyfriend and I broke up. While I was first offended that she thought I would cope with my breakup by flinging myself at any available man, I am now offended that she thinks she has the right to dictate what happens in the space we share -- and we both pay for. I would never tell her that her boyfriend isn’t allowed over! I understand strangers are different, but I think it’s time for us to have a conversation about boundaries.

How can I tell her the assumptions about me are offensive while maintaining that I can do whatever I want? I have a quick temper, and she is known for her attitude. -- Not My Boss, Detroit

DEAR NOT MY BOSS: You and your roommate need a serious sit-down. Since both of you can inflame quickly, attempt a calm, neutral approach. Ask your roommate why she told you that you cannot bring strangers home. Give her space to explain herself. Then let her know that you found her “rule” offensive for many reasons. Outline those reasons. Speak about your personal values and your rights as a renter. Have clear objectives for this meeting that should include coming to an agreement before it ends. Of course, you should both be mindful of who gets to come into your home, but how you determine guidelines has to be mutual. If you both share the rent, you both have a voice.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My landlord and I started our relationship off very friendly. When I go away for work, which is frequently, he brings in my mail and keeps my thermostat low.

A few months ago, he said a bill came to my home and he paid it so I wouldn't have late fees. Grateful, I paid him back the amount owed, which was pretty on par with what my expenses have been. Now, he has done this twice more, and I suspect he is scheming me. I feel trapped by the money he says I owe him. I have paid for “heat” twice in 6 weeks. This is my first time living alone, and I don't know what to do to establish a boundary between us. -- Not a Sucker, Pittsburgh

DEAR NOT A SUCKER: It is time for you to get more formal with your landlord and for you to accept more responsibility for your home. This means you can lower your own thermostat before you go away. You absolutely should not pay a bill without having a copy of it for your records.

Schedule a time to talk to your landlord. Thank him for being so supportive. Then let him know that you are going to step up and handle your affairs more directly. Ask him for copies of the bills that you have reimbursed him for. Moving forward, do not pay any bills without seeing them with your own eyes.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)