DEAR HARRIETTE: I fear my mother is losing her sense of self in her marriage. She remarried about a year ago, and I am really surprised by how much she has changed. Everything that used to excite her is gone now, replaced with my stepfather’s hobbies. She doesn't do any of her old hobbies, and I want to know what is going on with her.

I don't want to have her think I'm persuading her into divorce, but I want her to retain some individuality in this union. How do I get through to her? -- True to Yourself, Poughkeepsie, New York

DEAR TRUE TO YOURSELF: There should be a huge space between asking your mother about re-engaging old hobbies and walking down the path toward divorce. Since you brought it up, it seems you are the one to have to come to terms with your objectives in speaking to your mother. Be sure that your intentions are clear. If your goal is to check to be sure that your mother is happy, stay in that lane. If you secretly resent your stepfather, tread lightly. This is your mother’s life.

That said, talk to your mother. Ask her how she’s doing. Inquire about one or two of her favorite hobbies and if she continues to pursue them. Learn about her new life with her husband and what she enjoys about it. If you listen carefully, you will get a sense of whether she enjoys being immersed in her husband’s world. If she likes it, great. If she seems to have gone overboard right now, have patience. She may find a middle ground in time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father is so embarrassingly cheap, I don't want to be with him in a restaurant. I have seen him dissect every part of a bill and attempt to get a quarter off the check because he asked for no pickles. He is fairly wealthy, but he believes that he must be frugal to preserve his wealth. Is there any way to show him how embarrassing his behavior is? I've seen him order hot coffee with a cup of ice cubes because iced coffee was slightly more expensive. -- Save and Spend, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR SAVE AND SPEND: Your father may be living at the extreme of his thinking, but it is true that the person who saves money has money. Try a unique approach. When you are not in a compromising situation, like paying a bill at a restaurant, talk to your father about money. Ask him to teach you how he built his wealth. Listen to him tell you about his financial pursuits. Do your best to get his ear by being a good student.

Over time, change the conversation a bit. Ask him to tell you why he argues about bills all the time, and other such things. Tell him that you respect his desire to be respectful of money, but you fear that in his frugality, he is being rude to others. Give him examples of behaviors that make you uncomfortable. Ask him if there is a way that he can teach you to be mindful of money without being unkind or cheap with others. This may create space for an eye-opener for him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a baby sitter who is allergic to cats. For new families, I won't know if they have a cat until I get to the house, and sometimes I'm not prepared with non-drowsy medication. I have had problems when I have gone to baby-sit, and it has caused me difficulty breathing. Then it’s hard for me to take care of the children. Can I ask these families for Benadryl before they go out? I would feel bad rummaging through their cabinets looking for medication while having a reaction. -- Swollen Eyes, Washington, D.C.

DEAR SWOLLEN EYES: Since you know that you are allergic to cats and have already had the occasion to work with families who have cats, it is incumbent upon you to be prepared. You should travel with Benadryl. Keep it in your bag so that you are always ready to take care of yourself. As one who is troubled by many allergies, I can assure you that the best thing you can do for your health is to be proactive.

With that in mind, there are a few other things you should do when you learn that a family with whom you are working has a cat. Ask where the cat sleeps, perches, etc. Determine exactly which furniture the cat uses so that you never sit on it. (I made the mistake of not asking that question once and slept where a cat commonly naps. I could barely breathe when I woke up in the middle of the night.)

Finally, if you do find yourself in a home with cats and you do not have Benadryl, immediately ask if the homeowners have any. It should be a last resort to go through their cabinets.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends is an incredible pianist. I used to take lessons as a child and have retained barely any information. Can I ask my friend to give me music lessons? I don't want to make him uncomfortable about asking for a freebie, but I don't want to insult him if I offer to pay. -- Wannabe Mozart, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR WANNABE MOZART: How fortunate you are to have a friend who is a pianist. Does your friend teach? As you probably know, being a pianist and teaching others to play the piano are two very different things. If you already have knowledge that your friend teaches, then it could be fine to ask if you could hire him to give you lessons. It is appropriate to ask to pay for professional services. It would be inappropriate to ask a professional to give you services for free.

If you are unsure as to whether your friend teaches, you would be better off to ask for a referral. You can tell him that you studied piano as a child and he has inspired you to take lessons as an adult. Find out if he can recommend a teacher who would be a good fit for you as a beginner. If he volunteers himself, all the better.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I tell my daughter to never use her cellphone on the road, not even for a second. It is the law, and texting while driving causes countless deaths. She retorts that using it for navigation is different, but I still think it's a dangerous distraction. I'd rather have her use the car’s navigation. Is using the phone as a GPS a loophole for the law? -- No Distractions, Baltimore

DEAR NO DISTRACTIONS: The law requires that drivers never use cellphones when they are driving. There are not supposed to be exceptions to that rule. You are right to be concerned about your daughter’s cellphone use, primarily because people break that law so often. But there is a way to use the GPS navigation on the phone effectively and within the parameters of the law. By setting up the GPS before driving and then linking it through Bluetooth in your car, she will not need to use her hands to get directions or even to answer the phone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My dog is a small Chihuahua mix and hates being outside in this winter weather. People think I torture her when I take her on walks because she shakes and looks petrified. I make her wear a coat, but I still get judgmental looks and comments from strangers in my dog-loving city. She can't do her business in the house. How do I defend myself when my dog looks tortured in temperatures below 40 degrees? -- Walking in the Snow, Boston

DEAR WALKING IN THE SNOW: One of the challenges that owners of exotic dogs have is getting them acclimated to the climate in which they live. This can be tricky in a case like yours. Chihuahuas are native to Mexico, a country that is typically tropical in climate, or at least very warm. Chihuahuas are typically very small dogs with little body weight, so it is unsurprising that they would be cold walking outside in inclement, cold weather. This is why many Chihuahua owners (as well as owners of other small, short-haired dogs) buy doggy gloves and coats to help protect them from the elements. You say you already do put a coat on your dog. Consider a heavier one -- for the dog’s sake, not for the onlookers. In some instances, dog owners carry the dogs to the park or wherever they take them to relieve themselves and put them on the ground to do their business.

When it’s really cold, you may want to put a pad outside your home so that the dog can relieve itself without a true walk. You can also check with your dog’s veterinarian to learn the best recommendations for protecting the dog in the winter months. After you have done what is suggested, feel confident that you can walk with conviction, knowing that you are properly caring for your dog. If others give you the side eye, ignore them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)