life

Reader Doesn't Know What to Do About Smelly Shoes

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 21st, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband has three adult sons. They grew up without a mother and were all athletes, so this leads to some ... odor issues. They walk into the home when they visit and kick off their shoes, and it makes the whole foyer smell like an '80s gym. Where could we move the shoes as to not offend everyone's nose without offending the brothers? -- Whiff of Fresh Air, Rockland County, New York

DEAR WHIFF OF FRESH AIR: Do you have a mud room? You could ask your stepsons to deposit their shoes there. But honestly, you are probably going to have to say something. It’s kind of like that Febreze commercial: They are probably nose-blind to their foot funk. If you don’t tell them why you are banishing their shoes to another area, you will not likely meet with success.

You can consider using humor, saying, “Boys, you are killing me with those feet. Give me your socks so I can wash them while you’re here.” Or some such. It’s likely that their socks and shoes are dirty. For their shoes, you could sprinkle baking powder or a foot powder to help neutralize the odor. Bottom line: you have to address this head on, or it probably won’t work. When you bring up the awkward conversation, tell them you mean no offense but you need to help them out on this one.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for January 21, 2017

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 21st, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter cannot pick a direction in college. She is nearly halfway through school. "Jenna" says she is still “finding herself” and has switched majors more times than I can count. Back in my day, there was none of this waiting around. I fear since she has been taking random classes, she will have to stay in college longer. I am paying the tuition! How can I force my daughter to become set on a goal and not let it go? -- Choose Your Path Wisely, Syracuse, New York

DEAR CHOOSE YOUR PATH WISELY: It is not unusual for a college student to flounder before settling on a direction. Your job as a parent is to help nudge her along. Being practical can help a lot. Tell your daughter that you cannot afford for her to go to college beyond the traditional four years, so she must choose a path so that she will be able to graduate on time. Talk her through what it costs to go to college in case she ends up needing to be there for more time, so that she can determine how to get financial aid and what her overall strategy will be to succeed.

This is a water-in-your-face kind of experience for your daughter. For her to come to terms with what it takes to go to college and for her to have skin in the game may wake her up to greater focus. Be sure to let her know that she can choose an area of interest and pursue it, and after she has given it a try, if she wants to do something else she can change. For now, though, she must decide.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Wants to Pursue Restaurant Dream

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 20th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've always harbored a secret dream of opening a restaurant. I always told myself that it is improbable, and there's no money in the business unless you make it big. I know it's a cutthroat industry, but I think I could make it work with the right guidance. Would restaurateurs even be willing to spill some of their secrets to me? I don't have any mentors, and I want to do this the smart way. -- Restaurant Dreamin’, Milwaukee

DEAR RESTAURANT DREAMIN’: Congratulations on preparing to make your dream come true. This is fantastic. You should know that it is rare for people to take action to make their dreams come true. Good for you.

Now, how to do it? Yes, you should reach out to restaurateurs in your neighborhood to ask for an information interview. Some owners will be open to your questions. But don’t stop there. Look for a class in restaurant management so that you can learn the nuts and bolts of starting and growing a restaurant. There are so many details that need to be in place -- from location to cuisine to chef to wait staff to decor to insurance, you name it. Do the research on the front end so that you are as prepared as possible.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for January 20, 2017

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 20th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friends and I have committed to camping at a country music festival in a few weeks. I camped as a child and teen, so I know that it won't be glamorous, but we will create some great memories. Right after we purchased the camping passes, our friend "Angelica" told us that she would actually rather book a private hotel room and would just have us contact her and meet her at the gates every morning. I don't roll like that. I think if she is going to exclude herself, she should be finding us. What do I say to Angelica so she doesn't get her way? -- Not Waiting Around, Winston-Salem, North Carolina

DEAR NOT WAITING AROUND: You absolutely can turn this around to be more of a responsibility for Angelica. Have her come with you when you set up camp so she knows exactly where it is. Agree to a time for her to meet you at your campsite in the morning. Make it clear that if she is not there at that time, she will have to call or text you to find out where you are. Do not agree to meet her at the gate. If she needs a pass to enter the campgrounds, let her know she has to purchase one so that she can move independently.

The point here is that Angelica’s desire for creature comforts in a hotel room is perfectly fine, but it should not require you or members of your group to coddle her in any way. If you establish ground rules for everyone, she will have to accept them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Neighbor Ignores Cat-Sitting Duties

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 19th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went away for four days. My next-door neighbor told me that she'd be able to come over once or twice a day to feed my cat and clean the litter box. When I got home from my trip, it was evident she didn't come to my home once. The litter boxes were full, there was no food or water, and none of my mail had been brought in.

I am very upset with my neighbor, and I don't plan on giving her the gift or compensation I got her on the island. Should I confront her and tell her why she won't be receiving anything from me, or just give her the cold shoulder? -- Horrible Cat Sitter, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR HORRIBLE CAT SITTER: Your issue here is not about the gift you bought your neighbor. It is about the lack of humane care for your cat. You must speak to your neighbor at once to find out what happened. Let her know that you were shocked when you got home to see that what she had pledged to do hadn’t been fulfilled. Ask her what happened. Press until she gives you some sort of explanation for dropping the ball. Make it clear to her that your cat’s health was put in jeopardy by her not coming to feed it or give it water, let alone clean the litter box.

I will also say that I have heard from many pet owners over the years who have asked others to look out for their pets in their absence. Very often what the pet owner expects and what the person asked to watch the pet interprets as a responsibility is very different. In the future, it may be worth it to write out an agreement with a pet sitter so that all parties understand what’s expected.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for January 19, 2017

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 19th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college student who has most of January off from school in between semesters. My parents have a convertible that they use for leisure in the summertime. The convertible isn't my car, but it's not in use during the winter at all -- yet I am not permitted to drive it. I have been butting heads with my parents because they complain that I am at home all day, but I have no means of getting anywhere in a town that lacks public transportation. How can I make a case for myself to make use of this car? -- In the Garage, Westchester, New York

DEAR IN THE GARAGE: Your parents must not want to expose their convertible to the elements. This could be a losing battle for you, even though it seems logical that they would allow you to use it. Try other tactics, such as asking to use one of their cars when they get home from work. If you have friends in your hometown, ask them to come over to visit you, or find out if anyone would pick you up to hang out. On occasion, you may also want to use Uber or a similar taxi service to move you around. Ask your parents if they might help you pay for that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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