DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went away for four days. My next-door neighbor told me that she'd be able to come over once or twice a day to feed my cat and clean the litter box. When I got home from my trip, it was evident she didn't come to my home once. The litter boxes were full, there was no food or water, and none of my mail had been brought in.

I am very upset with my neighbor, and I don't plan on giving her the gift or compensation I got her on the island. Should I confront her and tell her why she won't be receiving anything from me, or just give her the cold shoulder? -- Horrible Cat Sitter, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR HORRIBLE CAT SITTER: Your issue here is not about the gift you bought your neighbor. It is about the lack of humane care for your cat. You must speak to your neighbor at once to find out what happened. Let her know that you were shocked when you got home to see that what she had pledged to do hadn’t been fulfilled. Ask her what happened. Press until she gives you some sort of explanation for dropping the ball. Make it clear to her that your cat’s health was put in jeopardy by her not coming to feed it or give it water, let alone clean the litter box.

I will also say that I have heard from many pet owners over the years who have asked others to look out for their pets in their absence. Very often what the pet owner expects and what the person asked to watch the pet interprets as a responsibility is very different. In the future, it may be worth it to write out an agreement with a pet sitter so that all parties understand what’s expected.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college student who has most of January off from school in between semesters. My parents have a convertible that they use for leisure in the summertime. The convertible isn't my car, but it's not in use during the winter at all -- yet I am not permitted to drive it. I have been butting heads with my parents because they complain that I am at home all day, but I have no means of getting anywhere in a town that lacks public transportation. How can I make a case for myself to make use of this car? -- In the Garage, Westchester, New York

DEAR IN THE GARAGE: Your parents must not want to expose their convertible to the elements. This could be a losing battle for you, even though it seems logical that they would allow you to use it. Try other tactics, such as asking to use one of their cars when they get home from work. If you have friends in your hometown, ask them to come over to visit you, or find out if anyone would pick you up to hang out. On occasion, you may also want to use Uber or a similar taxi service to move you around. Ask your parents if they might help you pay for that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I spent $170 on a New Year’s Eve ticket at a swanky New York City nightclub. Although I was assured everyone was going, the day of, everyone told me that they had waited too long and club prices had gotten too high. I ended up not going because I didn't know anyone else who had a ticket. My friends told me they'd buy me a nice dinner to make up for this. It's been more than a week, and they haven't made good on their promise. Should I remind them? They all admitted I was out $170 because of them. -- Cheated, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR CHEATED: Take a chill pill! Seriously, we are not far enough into the new year for you to believe that your friends are going to renege on their promise. Rather than reminding them, why not get in touch with one of them and suggest a restaurant. Assume that they are going to honor their agreement, so recommend a restaurant that you consider fun and appropriate for the friend group. You can even suggest a date in the next few weeks that works for you. If you get crickets when you make the suggestion, you will need to remind your friends of their promise. Good luck!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I frequently get bad headaches that range from a minor inconvenience to a migraine that causes me to temporarily lose parts of my vision. These come at fairly unexpected times, and I understand that I am not pleasant to be around when I am in pain. I feel bad canceling plans an hour in advance, but I have a horrible time if I go out and then have to be taken home. Is it ruder to bail on plans or show up knowing that I won't be pleasant to be around? -- Both Sides Lose, Wilmington, Delaware

DEAR BOTH SIDES LOSE: First, talk to your neurologist to find out if there is any refinement to your treatment that may allow you to reduce your migraines. An adjustment to your medication, diet or fitness routine could help you to be more balanced.

Beyond that, you must take care of yourself as you manage your relationships. Your headaches are akin to a disability. You may need to make it even clearer to your friends that you sometimes have sudden debilitating headaches. At those times, which are largely unpredictable, you cannot hang out. When you make plans to do things, apologize in advance that this could happen. Ask for their forgiveness upfront.

Then, if you think you can and want to hang out with them briefly, go for a short time. If it really is too much to handle, as a true migraine can be, let them know you are living with pain and have to cancel.

If you manage your friends’ expectations, you will also be managing rudeness. Dealing with your condition is not ideal, but it is real. Your true friends will figure out how to accommodate you in your times of need.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a strict father who married a woman with two daughters who do as they please. They keep their rooms clean, work and do well in school; however, I am bothered that they don't feel the need to tell me where they are going or who they are going with. This isn't how I raised my children.

I don't want to make enemies of my new daughters; I just want them to keep me in the loop regarding their whereabouts. I have heard them fighting with their mother that they don't have to report back to me because they don't use my car or money, but they live under my roof. Do they get to go wherever they want just because that's how it worked before we all moved in together? -- Not on My Watch, Belair, Maryland

DEAR NOT ON MY WATCH: Blending families has never been easy. What's most important is for you and your wife to come to an agreement on how to parent her children. While she obviously gets most of the authority, you do have the right to have some input, given that they are living with you. What you may want to do is talk to your wife -- and then the girls -- about why you want to know their whereabouts. I suspect it is for their safety and your peace of mind. You can tell them about the stories that you have heard in the news of young ladies being in peril. You can make it clear that you believe your job is to protect them. You can also let them know that informing you and their mother of where you are going is respectful and thoughtful.

Whenever I visit my mother, even though I'm a fully grown adult with a family, she wants to know where I am going. It’s knee-jerk for her, as a protective mechanism. Do your best to get your wife to agree to present to the girls that your request is both for safety and respect reasons. Have her stand with you, asking them to step in line. Otherwise, it won’t work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend "Lizzie" and I have been together for about three years. Although I have talked about moving in with her, she is adamant about having her own space or being engaged to the man she is living with. I live with her part-time and give her a third of her rent money. I don't want to live in my studio apartment anymore, and I want to move into her cabin full-time. I don't want to issue an ultimatum, but I can't think of any other way to get this to work in my favor. -- Full-Time Roommate, Boston

DEAR FULL-TIME ROOMMATE: The one mistake your girlfriend has made is letting you live with her at all. If she had been crystal clear and unwavering in her decision not to live with her boyfriend unless you had pledged to marry her and were headed toward the altar, you wouldn’t be in this position.

Respect her by making up your mind. If you want to marry her, propose and plan to take that leap. Do not try to force her to let you move in if you aren’t ready to make that commitment. She has made her desires known to you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)