life

Reader's Office Holiday Party Gets out of Hand

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 13th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: At my work holiday party, I ended up taking shots with my co-workers and other employees from different departments. We all had a great time, and my boss even ordered us a hearty lunch for our hangovers. I've never had a holiday party like this one. For future celebrations, am I expected to let as loose as I did at the holiday party? Everyone at this company loves to party! -- Fashion District, Manhattan, New York

DEAR FASHION DISTRICT: You should do what you can handle, and nothing more. The good news about your job is that your boss seemed to take care of the staff even after seemingly encouraging everyone to drink up. This does not mean that you should let your guard down and decide to be overly indulgent in the future, though. If you have the wherewithal to keep your wits about you at any office function, use that to your advantage. You can become the one who helps to ensure that nobody gets hurt. You can be the team protector. You don't need to make a fuss of this. Just keep your eyes open so that you are always alert and prepared to take care of yourself and support your team.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for January 13, 2017

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 13th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am lucky enough to be taking a tropical vacation this winter. After some research, I learned that there are topless beaches on the island I will be visiting. Although I will not be taking advantage of that, I assumed that this meant I could wear a G-string on the beach to not have unfavorable tan lines. My fiance said that the topless opportunity only extended to the top half of the body. Are there any rules or common etiquette for a situation like this? -- Top On, Rochester, New York

DEAR TOP ON: The rules around topless and nude beaches vary a bit from place to place, although the idea is that there is a level of freedom for women to be without a top on a topless beach. On a nude beach, women and men are welcome to go completely without clothing.

As far as a G-string goes, wearing scanty bikini bottoms is not the same thing as being naked. You can wear a G-string at a topless beach. What is also often true at many topless and nude beaches is that some people come to these beaches without disrobing. First-timers can often wear some kind of covering. At a topless beach, this could also mean wearing a bathing suit until you reach your spot on the beach and then removing your top when you lie down.

On a broader note, you and your fiance should talk about your values and beliefs about dress and states of undress in public. Since you don't want to make the choice to go topless and your boyfriend isn't into a G-string, you may want to rethink going to the topless beach. I'll bet there are plenty of regular beaches where you are headed. That is, unless you two decide to explore together without reservation and see what you experience!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Grumbles About Rumbling Stomach

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 12th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Like everyone on the planet, my stomach makes itself known by rumbling if I have missed a meal. I know this is normal; however, my stomach frequently rumbles at work. Sometimes I am hungry, other times I guess I am just digesting. Regardless, I know it is loud enough to be heard in meetings and in the office because heads turn. Should I apologize? I know to excuse myself if I burp, but I am unsure what is polite in this circumstance. -- Rumbly Grumbly, Cincinnati

DEAR RUMBLY GRUMBLY: Not eating enough or not eating consistently is likely the culprit of your rumbly belly. One way that you can help your body and quiet your belly is to keep snacks with you and nibble on something every 20 minutes or so. Dried fruit, a piece of fresh fruit, a few crackers -- things like that should keep energy in your body and help you to stay somewhat satiated. Start your day with a healthy breakfast. Oatmeal is filling and healthy as one excellent option. Another good decision would be to drink more water. If you drink water consistently throughout the day, your system will stay hydrated, which can also help to keep the gas down in your body. You may also want to get a complete physical to rule out any digestive problems that might need medical treatment.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for January 12, 2017

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 12th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am opening a company that has a showroom. Because of the environment I want to present to customers, the company has split into visuals (like materials, furniture and presentation) and finance. I think this is a good setup; however, "Rebecca," a woman on the finance team, has been giving her opinion on everything. Her job is to focus on price tags, not tell me which paint and chair colors she prefers. As an accountant, she should know to care only about numbers, but I can't seem to steer her away from sticking her nose in the design team's business. I don't want to offend her, but I need to get Rebecca out of my hair. -- Nosy Nosy, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR NOSY NOSY: Use strategy here so that you keep everybody on the same team even as people need to settle into their roles. In start-ups, it is not uncommon for everyone who's part of the company to believe that their input is necessary and important for the positive outcome of the company. It would be wise for you to make sure that Rebecca continues to feel appreciated, even as you let her know that you have your role under control.

Thank Rebecca for being so excited about the showroom. Tell her that it will be easier for you to do your job if you can concentrate on your area of expertise without her input, no matter how helpful she may think she is being. Ask her to help you and the team by staying in her lane and making sure that she has all of her particulars covered so that when the showroom opens, everything will be ready.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Questions What to Do With Presents

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 11th, 2017 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother called at the last minute to me to tell me he was not coming to celebrate Christmas at my home. This was very short notice, and I had already wrapped gifts for him and my nieces. They have been coming every year without exception since the girls were born. (They are now teenagers.)

Although I am upset, I am now trying to figure out what to do with these gifts. They have birthdays and next Christmas to celebrate with me, so I was wondering if I could gift these presents to them at a different time, or if I should ship the gifts to them? -- Christmas Present to Birthday Present, St. Croix, U.S. Virgin Islands

DEAR CHRISTMAS PRESENT TO BIRTHDAY PRESENT: I'm sorry that your brother made a last-minute change in his plans to be with you for Christmas. Assume that your brother had a good reason for being a no-show, and don't make his daughters suffer. Not visiting with you is likely a disappointment all the way around.

I suggest that you send your nieces their gifts along with a note saying how much you missed spending the holiday with them. Tell them also how much you look forward to being with them at the next family occasion. You should also be prepared for fewer visits. As children grow older, sometimes the family that has to travel makes different decisions during the holidays. Find out why your brother chose not to come to visit you. Do your best to talk about it, so that you get on the same page way before the next family get-together.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for January 11, 2017

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 11th, 2017 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I agreed to take care of my friend's cat under the condition that I come once a day. This was completely manageable to me, but she apparently wanted me to stay for hours each day to play with the cat. I barely tolerate cats, let alone like them enough to spend hours luring them out of hiding to play with me. So I haven't been spending hours with the cat, but I have been telling my friend I have. Is this a breach of trust? I know dogs need socialization, but normally cats don't want anything to do with the stranger coming to feed them. -- Feeling Guilty, Ellicott City, Maryland

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: Of course, lying about how you are caring for your friend's cat is a breach of trust. The mistake your friend made was in not being crystal clear about what was expected in caring for the cat. Another mistake was not assessing who was the best person to be the cat's guardian in the owner's absence. It is irresponsible to give the responsibility of caring for an animal to someone who doesn't understand the animal or how to care for it.

You were wrong to lie about what you are doing for the cat. Immediately tell the truth. Be honest and let your friend know that you are not a cat lover, and that you agreed to care for the cat because you were trying to be a friend. Admit that you are unwilling to hang out with the cat on a daily basis. Suggest that you be replaced as soon as possible.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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