DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother called at the last minute to me to tell me he was not coming to celebrate Christmas at my home. This was very short notice, and I had already wrapped gifts for him and my nieces. They have been coming every year without exception since the girls were born. (They are now teenagers.)

Although I am upset, I am now trying to figure out what to do with these gifts. They have birthdays and next Christmas to celebrate with me, so I was wondering if I could gift these presents to them at a different time, or if I should ship the gifts to them? -- Christmas Present to Birthday Present, St. Croix, U.S. Virgin Islands

DEAR CHRISTMAS PRESENT TO BIRTHDAY PRESENT: I'm sorry that your brother made a last-minute change in his plans to be with you for Christmas. Assume that your brother had a good reason for being a no-show, and don't make his daughters suffer. Not visiting with you is likely a disappointment all the way around.

I suggest that you send your nieces their gifts along with a note saying how much you missed spending the holiday with them. Tell them also how much you look forward to being with them at the next family occasion. You should also be prepared for fewer visits. As children grow older, sometimes the family that has to travel makes different decisions during the holidays. Find out why your brother chose not to come to visit you. Do your best to talk about it, so that you get on the same page way before the next family get-together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I agreed to take care of my friend's cat under the condition that I come once a day. This was completely manageable to me, but she apparently wanted me to stay for hours each day to play with the cat. I barely tolerate cats, let alone like them enough to spend hours luring them out of hiding to play with me. So I haven't been spending hours with the cat, but I have been telling my friend I have. Is this a breach of trust? I know dogs need socialization, but normally cats don't want anything to do with the stranger coming to feed them. -- Feeling Guilty, Ellicott City, Maryland

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: Of course, lying about how you are caring for your friend's cat is a breach of trust. The mistake your friend made was in not being crystal clear about what was expected in caring for the cat. Another mistake was not assessing who was the best person to be the cat's guardian in the owner's absence. It is irresponsible to give the responsibility of caring for an animal to someone who doesn't understand the animal or how to care for it.

You were wrong to lie about what you are doing for the cat. Immediately tell the truth. Be honest and let your friend know that you are not a cat lover, and that you agreed to care for the cat because you were trying to be a friend. Admit that you are unwilling to hang out with the cat on a daily basis. Suggest that you be replaced as soon as possible.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: On my birthday, I was overwhelmed by the number of messages and calls I got, and I ended up not responding to some. Should I respond to these messages now? It is nearly a week after my birthday, and it seems futile to respond days later, but I want to let everyone know their messages were appreciated. -- Bad Texter, Boston

DEAR BAD TEXTER: It is never too late to express gratitude. Do take the time to send a quick note to your friends who reached out to you and say thank you for their thoughtfulness. Apologize for being tardy in responding. Add that you feel so fortunate to have people who care about you.

No need to say that the huge outpouring during your birthday overwhelmed you. Just say thanks, and offer your good wishes for them and their lives.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-girlfriend is a little too invested in my family. My mother regularly texts her, and I get unnerved when I see her name pop up on my mom's screen. I haven't brought my new girlfriend home because of my mother's close relationship with my ex. Do I just ignore the fact that they are still in contact? My ex and I do not speak. -- Unnecessary BFFs, Denver

DEAR UNNECESSARY BFFS: You and your mother need to get on the same page. Visit her by yourself, and ask her if you can have a heart-to-heart talk. Honestly explain to her that it makes you uncomfortable that she and your ex are close. Acknowledge that you did appreciate how welcoming she was to this woman, but remind her that you are not in a relationship with her now, and you are not even speaking to each other.

Make it clear to your mother that you have a girlfriend whom you would like to bring around to meet your mom, but you have hesitated because your mother is so enmeshed with your ex. Ask your mother to sever or at least reduce her interaction with your ex so that she can create space for your new girlfriend. Further, make it clear to her that you do not want her sharing anything about your new girlfriend with your ex.

Just so you know, this situation is not as uncommon as you may think. Especially if you dated your ex for a long while and she spent considerable time with your mother, it is understandable that they developed a relationship. Still, you really do need your mother to honor your life as it is today. I will add that you should be mindful of whom you bring home. Your mother has already shown you that whomever you bring will be welcomed with open arms. Be conscious and intentional about who deserves to meet your family.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My stepfather recently contacted me about an extra dresser that is in my parent's home. He told me that I could have it, seeing as no one else wants it and there is no space for it in the home. I was happy to have a project and made it clear that I planned on painting it and upcycling the piece. The day before I picked up the dresser, my stepfather called me, strongly suggesting that I stain the wood instead of my plan. I don't want furniture with strings attached. Should I just leave this dresser? -- Don't Tell Me What to Do, Detroit

DEAR DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO: Take a deep breath and relax. Absolutely do accept the dresser, and thank your stepfather for thinking of you. Also thank him for sharing his advice for how to upcycle the dresser. Tell him you will take his ideas into consideration as you make your plan.

Your stepfather likely was thinking about how best to support you and came up with a plan that he thought would make the dresser more appealing and potentially more valuable. Men are solution-oriented, and often the way that they show their love is to give advice. Yes, it can often come across as critical and bossy. If you are able to look beyond what feels like controlling behavior and remember that your stepfather is trying to help you, it will be easier to experience gratitude, and you will be more comfortable deciding what to do with the furniture and letting him know your decision. He is not the enemy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Throughout the holiday season, I have witnessed guests asking for a tour of the home they are in. I find this to be completely rude, although some hosts graciously lead guests around their homes. I fear this will happen to me, and I definitely do not want to show people my bedroom if not necessary. My home is clean. I am just private and host on one floor only. If faced with the demand for a tour, how can I deter the guest from checking out my home? -- Private Floor, Milwaukee, Wisconsin

DEAR PRIVATE FLOOR: Relax. You get to show people what you want in your home. And you can comfortably stand your ground. Indeed, try being proactive. When folks come to visit, invite them to come into the rooms where they are welcome. You can point out highlights in those rooms, such as family photos, a stereo system, dining table, etc. If someone asks you about seeing the rest of your home, simply tell them that you entertain on this floor only. If they persist, you can say, "Sorry, but this is the only floor where I invite my guests. Please enjoy yourselves." And let that be that. You can even put up a little fence at the doorway or stair entry -- the kind used to prevent children or pets from entering a space. That sends a clear, unspoken message.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)