DEAR READERS: Welcome to 2017! We have reached a turning point in our lives. I find it helpful to pause for a moment, take a look back and then plan for the future so that each step can really count. For many of us, 2016 was a tumultuous year. Between personal obligations, family commitments, political volatility and economic pressures, many Americans felt significant discomfort in the past year. Many of us got caught up in the news cycle of the presidential election season, which left people on all sides feeling stretched and more than a bit bruised. I have listened to hundreds of people talk about what they think Americans should be doing versus what we have been doing -- on a wide variety of fronts.

That is what I want to address now. The one thing that we can control is ourselves. The reality is that it is hard to stay in control of our thoughts, words and deeds all the time. It takes tremendous focus and commitment to stay on track. Think about how often you may have promised yourself to engage in a fitness plan only to fall off in a month. Or what about when you pledged to save money out of every paycheck only to stop that automatic deposit when you needed some extra cash? Or when you said you would write a thank-you note to your neighbor who helped you when you were in great need? Or when you didn't like something that your local or national government did and you thought to write a letter in opposition, but you didn't?

What if you actually did what you said you were going to do? What if each of us took the time to figure out exactly where we stand on the issues that matter in our lives, and then decided to take specific action that could affect outcomes? What if we accepted responsibility on a consistent basis for what we think, say and do?

I am saying this as one who has lived through all of these "what ifs" in the past, sometimes being consistent, often not. I know from personal experience that when I stay focused on a goal and complete it, I feel much better about myself, and I get things done. So, I want to recommend to all of you, to all of us, that keeping a written daily plan along with a broader monthly plan will help us to reach our goals. I write down categories: PERSONAL, FAMILY, WORK, HOME, FRIENDS. Under each category, I break it down into manageable parts. For example, when I wasn't calling my mother enough, I added "Call Mama" daily. And, voila, I started to do it. For health, I added a daily "Drink water." For work, because I have multiple projects going at a time, I make subdivisions that give each project its own space. Carving your duties and interests into manageable parts helps you to be poised for success. And then, when we get to the end of this year, we can all point to specific successes that we have achieved on multiple fronts. Want to try it?

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine died recently, and I was asked to help out at her funeral by making some comments during the testimonials part. I am struggling because my friend was not always nice and could be kind of caustic with people. She had a sharp tongue and made a lot of people mad over the years. I don't think it's appropriate to tell those kinds of stories. But how do you honor someone's life and remain honest when you get up and speak about the person? I hate when I go to funerals and hear what sounds like fake stories about people. -- Honoring the Dead, Milwaukee, Wisconsin

DEAR HONORING THE DEAD: You are right to be very thoughtful about your comments before you offer your testimonial. While it would be inappropriate to say anything mean-spirited or caustic, you can craft comments that show a glimpse of the fullness of your friend's personality. Using humor helps. You could say something about how nice she was to you and how she would always tell it like it is. She had a sharp tongue, so everybody could count on her being honest. Balancing the good with the raw can keep your comments honest and uplifting.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Any time I meet a stranger at a bar, nothing ever comes to fruition. It will seem to be like an excellent conversation, we exchange contact information and then everything falls flat. I am definitely to blame for some of these missed connections, but not all. Could it ever go anywhere with a stranger from a bar? I am beginning to think the lack of a buzz the next day causes cold feet. -- Single Pringle, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR SINGLE PRINGLE: There surely are romantic stories of people who met across a crowded room or even while randomly sitting next to each other at a bar and who lived the proverbial happily ever after. Does this happen often? I suspect that there are far more chance encounters, one-night stands or communication dead ends than lively romances.

If you want to keep the bar as one of your spots for meeting people, do your best to cultivate a keener eye. Who looks interesting? When you start talking, preferably pre-intoxication, get a sense of who the person is and what the person finds interesting. Check yourself. Do you really care about the things you are discussing? Is there an honest connection, or do you feel that the alcoholic haze is softening your view? Finally, how do you feel about the person the next day? If you continue to think about the person and want to learn more, that's when you pick up the phone and call (or text) to keep the conversation going. I recommend that if you think there's something there, try to organize a meeting or date somewhere other than the bar. Allow a different environment to help you see if the connection is worth cultivating.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a high-maintenance person to buy gifts for. I am incredibly picky. Because of this, every year I ask for no presents for Christmas because I know I probably won't like them. Instead, I tell my family to buy another gift for their children or spouse. I am well-off and fortunate enough to buy myself the necessities. I tell the Christmas host, my sister, about my no-gift policy because she constantly goes overboard and then complains about being broke after the holidays. I never draw attention to the fact that I open one gift and always bring a gift for everyone else -- year after year. How can I finally make it clear to my sister to stop wasting her money on gifts I will never use? I'm already trying to plan for next year. -- It's Been Years, Wilmington, Delaware

DEAR IT'S BEEN YEARS: One way that families can reduce going broke buying gifts at Christmas is to focus the giving on the children. While you are a self-named "high-maintenance person," many adults are a bit picky and many have what they need. Sentimental cards can take the place of gifts. Another idea that some families use is to put adults' names in a box or bag, and everybody picks a name. In that way, each adult receives one gift that has a modest price cap to keep expenses down.

If you think your family would appreciate either of those choices, make the recommendation. You can point out to your sister that it will help her to manage her budget better. Otherwise, stay quiet.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have recently had a yoga revival. I used to be an avid yogi, and I have recently returned in order to lose weight and gain peacefulness. Recently, I saw acrobatic yoga videos on my social media pages and thought it'd be perfect to do with my boyfriend. It seems like a fun way to bond and get fit. The only problem is that he hates the idea. He apparently doesn't think yoga is manly enough. I want to do this with him and attend classes. Do I use my upcoming birthday as leverage? This is the first time he's refused to even attempt something I am passionate about. -- Future Acrobat, Denver

DEAR FUTURE ACROBAT: This might be the time that you go it alone. Since you are focused on your personal fitness and peacefulness, do not give up if he doesn't co-sign your idea. Go to a class to make sure you that you are doing the asanas properly. You do not want to hurt yourself. The next step can be following an acrobatic yoga video. If you do that at home, he will be able to see what you are doing and possibly try it out -- especially if it is in private. But even if he never catches on, you should continue your practice.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)