DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a single 28-year-old woman. Aging terrifies me, and I started preventative Botox recently. I got called out at the Thanksgiving table by my aunt, who asked if I had work done. I sweetly replied, "Only as much as you," because she is an avid denier of her obvious plastic surgery. She was livid and complained to my mother about my behavior.

My mom has asked me to apologize to my aunt to keep the rest of the holidays civil. I refuse and think she should apologize to me. Who is right? -- Not Apologizing, Los Angeles

DEAR NOT APOLOGIZING: Your aunt was insensitive, but so were you. One way for you to nip this in the bud (pun intended) is to reach out to your aunt and tell her that you did not mean to offend her with your quip, but her question at the Thanksgiving table caught you off guard. The two of you have more in common than you realize. Why not go all the way and tell your aunt that you have started paying closer attention to how aging is affecting you, as you believe she also does. Just as she doesn't seem to want to talk about it, neither do you. Ask her if you can agree to a truce. Either agree not to address either of your treatments at all, or agree to discuss your secrets only in private.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Not many people know that I grew up in a foster home. I typically avoid this topic because I hate seeing people become uncomfortable or pity me just because my upbringing was different than theirs. I developed a great work ethic and an unconventional family of siblings, but I keep this to myself. Is there any way to share my background without making anyone uncomfortable? -- Untraditional, Washington, D.C.

DEAR UNTRADITIONAL: Your level of comfort with your childhood and your life is the most important thing. When you can share details of your upbringing with people to satisfy their curiosity and put them at ease, you will be able to manage your relationships better. Many people grew up in foster homes and have gone on to build wonderful lives. Honestly, most people have aspects of their lives that are less than spectacular. Most families have challenging relationships and other conflicts that can and often do scar family members. It is good for you to know this to gain perspective.

I recommend that you reflect on your growing-up years, pick out happy memories that you can share and then be prepared to talk about your early life in a way that is comfortable for you. You do not have to tell everyone straightaway that you grew up in a foster home. Share what you want to share, never lying, but also never feeling compelled to spill your guts just because someone asks. With practice, you will learn what the balance of information is that you should share based on the moment.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I called off my wedding with my fiance. I didn't tell anyone that he cheated on me for years because I want my family to still respect the father of my child. What I didn't expect was the backlash onto me. I was trying to help my daughter and myself but now my family thinks I've ruined my ex's life by calling off the wedding. I did what is best for my child and me, but I don't think my family will see this unless I tell them the truth. Is it wise to reveal this secret? -- All His Fault, Sag Harbor, New York

DEAR ALL HIS FAULT: The saying, "The truth will set you free," is real. Your family members have a false understanding of the downfall of your relationship. Since there is a child involved and your ex will remain in your life in some way, you should come clean with your family. Sit them down and talk. Explain that you had wanted to keep your personal business private, especially given its sensitive nature. But since they are of the false notion that you are somehow destroying his life, it's time for you to speak up. Without going into all of the details, acknowledge that your ex cheated on you repeatedly, that you stayed for whatever reasons you had at the time and that ultimately you had the strength to walk away. Tell them that you do not want your child to know this, as it would be unproductive and hurtful. Add that you do not want them to jump in and provide their commentary or input. Make it known that you are telling them only so that they would have some perspective and back off.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am not the prettiest or skinniest girl. Although I know this, my mother makes it her mission to point this out to me anytime she sees an unflattering photo or outfit. She constantly tells me to wear different makeup and clothing, and to change my diet. I confronted her about comments she's made to me, and she wasn't apologetic -- quite the opposite, actually. I thought talking to her would solve this, and now my blood just boils anytime she shares her nasty opinions. What is there left to say to the woman who won't see my worth past my appearance? -- More to Life, Boston

DEAR MORE TO LIFE: I am so sorry to hear this. I wonder if your mother suffered from body consciousness issues when she was your age, or if she does now? It seems that she is worrying about something that is rooted more deeply than your personal appearance. You may want to ask her if something happened in her youth that has gotten her to be hypersensitive to how you look.

Beyond this, I recommend that you look for outside role models who will support you and see your value as you are. This could be a godmother, teacher, guidance counselor, minister, etc. You need someone in your life who is loving, supportive and non-judgmental to help you make smart decisions about your health, appearance and overall well-being. Hyper-criticism rarely leads to positive self image.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have fairly unruly hair, and I don't like to style it. I like how it looks when it's left natural. I have gotten comments about how it's not "professional," or I've been asked why I didn't put my hair into a more appropriate hairstyle. Is hair really that important? I don't want to fry my hair just to look sleek and stylish. -- Hair-Do, Indianapolis

DEAR HAIR-DO: Yes, hair matters a lot, as it helps to define your appearance. It is important for you to pay attention to your hair and develop an appropriate hairstyle for where you work. The good news is that there are so many different jobs and working environments that you don't have to choose one particular look in order to be considered professional. It sounds like the place where you do work, however, has issues with your hairstyle.

Look around and notice how other people in your company present themselves. This includes looking carefully at the range of hairstyles. If most people look conservative, you should figure out how to tame your unruly hair. Does this mean you have to fry it? Absolutely not! There are so many hair products out there that are designed to manage natural hair that may require extra styling. You may want to consider getting a consultation from a hair salon that specializes in natural hair.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A blog contacted me regarding an opportunity to have my podcast hosted on its website. I was interested at first, but then was told that I would have to pay for this "web space." I asked how much web traffic the blog gets, and the answer was about a quarter of my listeners. The blog should be paying ME for this opportunity. How do I turn it down? Should I mention how much the blog sold me short? -- Bigger Than You, Dallas

DEAR BIGGER THAN YOU: Without having an attitude, you should have a matter-of-fact conversation with this company. Let your contact know that you may be interested in housing your podcast on the site -- non-exclusively -- but that you counter with a creative opportunity for them. Point out your web traffic, noting that it is bigger than the blog's. Suggest that you put your podcast on the site, and that the two of you split whatever profits come from advertising or other promotions. Insist that you are bringing added value to the blog. As such, you think it is only fair that you both benefit from the shared experience.

If the blog remains uninterested, do not partner with it. You may want to look for other opportunities to place your podcast, either as a partnership or with a company that has significantly more traffic than yours. If you are going to pay, the investment needs to be worth it. Otherwise, pass.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)