DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend opened a spa business in our town. I was one of her first customers. I had an excellent massage and pedicure; however, my triple-digit bill was not what I expected. I haven't gone back.

My friend phoned me recently saying she has barely any customers. Honestly, her prices are too high for the small town we live in. Do I give her honest criticism or hope that this failure will help her future business endeavors? -- No Bang for Your Buck, Outside Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR NO BANG FOR YOUR BUCK: Your friend called to share her worries about her new shop. Consider this an opening for you to share your thoughts with her, keeping in mind that she is extremely sensitive right now. Be kind as you tell her your perspective. Start by asking her if you can freely offer your opinion. With her blessing, tell her you feel these services are too expensive for where you live, and then tell her what people there expect to pay.

Point out that the services were excellent and that you would certainly return for more if the price were lowered. Suggest that she advertise a spa special featuring particular services at discounted rates. Encourage her to revamp her price list for your town, and then try again to get folks to come.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am going on a ski trip in January. While I originally invited 10 people, the numbers have dropped, and seven plan on being in attendance. An odd number of people on the trip means we have to pay to split an eight-person cabin, as opposed to a six-person one. Also, there are tensions within the group that remain from past drama. I want to have a fun and affordable trip. Do I try to convince someone to drop the trip or pony up the money? -- Hitting the Slopes, Boston

DEAR HITTING THE SLOPES: As the host, you should be prepared to have the single room at the extra cost -- unless someone else is ready to pay the extra amount. You should also decide whether you want input from your friends about the choices that have to be made, or if it's best to simply decide and tell them. They need to know the cost of the trip and who is expected to come.

You must also give them a deadline by which they fully commit. That means they give you the full fare so that even if one of them later decides to drop out, you have the money. Make it clear that after a certain date, it is nonrefundable. Otherwise, you could get caught paying for more absentee guests.

To lower drama, pair your guests in rooms based on their behavior. If they play musical chairs afterward, that's fine, but at least you will have done your part.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 23 years old and learning how to "adult." Recently, my friend's father passed away. The death wasn't unexpected, but it is still tragic. Knowing this information, my friends and I wanted to send over flowers. Do you send flowers to the residence or to the funeral home? I am not sure which is more formal, or if there is a certain size accepted for funerals. -- Somber, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR SOMBER: One of the cold realities of adulthood is dealing with death. There is no one rule to follow. As it relates to flowers, you can send flowers to the home. A floral arrangement that is self-contained, meaning in a pot or vase, is preferable, as you do not want to make any extra work for the grieving family. Be sure to include a personalized message to your friend. Include your address. Family members usually like to send thank-you notes, so it is best for you to make it easy for them to be in touch with you.

If you would like to send flowers to the church or funeral site, find out where and when it is. You should send the flowers the day of event with a delivery early enough for the flowers to be placed before the ceremony. It's best to contact the funeral site to get particulars about where and when flowers can be received. In this case, order flowers for display at the funeral. Often, these flowers are white, typically gladiolas or carnations, although other flowers are also used. Again, you should enclose a card of condolence that states who is offering the flowers. There is a standard size and scale for these flowers. The florist can help you sort that out.

More, be in touch with your friend. Reach out and offer your love and blessings during this difficult time. Ask what, if anything, you can do to support your friend.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas this year, and she is trying to enforce a black-tie dress code. This would be great if it were adults-only, but there will be kids there. I can't dress up my little cousins in formal attire without screaming and crying. They are toddlers who just want to run around. Do children get leniency when there are dress codes enforced? -- Let Them Be Comfortable, Dallas

DEAR LET THEM BE COMFORTABLE: Before you presume what young children will do, make a plan that includes them. It can be fun to dress up, even for little children, for a formal affair. Your attitude and enthusiasm will make all the difference.

Express excitement over the chance for everyone to get fancy for the holiday meals. Pick clothing for the children that is easy to clean, and bring a change of clothes for them as well. Teach them that they should stay clean and tidy through the meal. Afterward, they can change.

When I was growing up, everyone dressed up for holiday meals as well as all special occasions. This taught the children the appropriate attire and behavior for special events. We also learned to dress ourselves. Your cousins can, too! You must lead the way -- with a smile on your face!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I hate my birthday. I try to make it a fun event every year, but it ends in either tears or injury for me. This year, I've decided to not celebrate my birthday and spend it alone. I was planning on getting takeout from my favorite restaurant and spending the day with my dog.

I told my friends about how excited I am, and my friends insist on spending the day with me. I just want to be alone, and I think I will have fun this way. I don't want gifts or attention, and I want to tell my friends to leave me alone because they think how I planned my day is "sad." -- Solo Birthday, Minneapolis

DEAR SOLO BIRTHDAY: Your mistake was telling your friends your plan. Naturally, they want to do a group activity, especially since they do not understand or accept your motivation. In order to ward them off, either schedule another date to get together with them so that they are satisfied and don't stage a surprise intervention, or put your foot down, make your plans, lock your door and don't answer. I suggest you do the former. It will allow you more peace of mind to enjoy your solo celebration. Happy birthday!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live with roommates in a large suburban house. I have been hearing, for lack of a better descriptor, "intimate" noises practically every day. These are always from the same room while everyone is home. I find this disrespectful and annoying. After work, I shouldn't be coming home to an uncomfortable environment. Is there anything I can say to the disrupters? This is loud enough to be heard on the entire second floor. -- Hush Up, Syracuse, New York

DEAR HUSH UP: Talk about awkward! This is one that needs to be addressed directly enough for your roommates to get the message.

One direct, yet indirect option is to slip a note under the door when you get home and hear the action, saying: PLEASE KEEP IT DOWN! ROOMMATES ARE HOME. You can also say something one-on-one. When you next see your roommate, say that it has become uncomfortable for you when you come home from work because you routinely hear sex noises. You can use a little humor and tell your roommate that you are happy that he or she is getting so much action, but switch immediately to the impact on the house. Suggest that there should be PG time in the house up until a specific hour that everyone votes on. Add that your randy roommate should consider buying a rug and other noise mufflers so that when it's time to get busy, there are some built-in sound absorbers that can help keep the intimacy private.

If your roommate says it's not a big deal or otherwise dismisses your request for lowering the volume, get serious and remind him or her that this is a shared house. If necessary, enlist your other roommates to talk to the offender about being more mindful of the other people in the house.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)