DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband wears dentures, upper and lower. When he drinks too much, he sometimes spits out his dentures, and we are all left scrambling around the house trying to find them. On a couple of occasions, he didn't find them before Monday, and he had to go to work toothless. He works in an industry that reveres youth. Having no teeth is about as bad an image as he could project when trying to ensure that his job is safe.

What can I say to him to get him to take better care of his teeth, like putting them in their container before bed and not drinking so much that he can't remember in the first place? I'm worried about him during a time when young people are ruling his industry. He is not young. -- Lost Teeth, Baltimore

DEAR LOST TEETH: The misplaced dentures may be indicative of a bigger issue. Your husband seems to lack faith in himself. It can't hurt for him to believe that you have faith in him, too. The humiliation of exposed tooth loss is huge. That your husband would have lost his awareness of time and place -- and teeth! -- suggests that he is in an emotionally fragile position. He may also have an alcohol problem. Do your best to support him. If you can get him to listen, gently tell him that when he gets drunk, the teeth go flying. Suggest, at minimum, that he put the teeth away before taking too many drinks. You may be able to get him to choose to be more alert to what's happening before him in real time, including slowing down on the alcohol.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I thought I hit a child with my car last week. I then panicked and sped over a curb. I didn't end up hitting the child (just his bike wheel), but he was knocked off the bike regardless. His parents chose to not contact authorities.

I don't feel like I am safe behind the wheel, but I need to drive to work and around my mostly rural area. I can't stop driving, yet I am a danger to myself and others. I never use my phone behind the wheel and rarely listen to music, so the fact just lies in the reality that I am a bad driver. Is there anything I can do about this? I hate to feel uneasy while driving. -- Crashing Cars, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR CRASHING CARS: Take a driver's education class. It doesn't matter your age. Becoming familiarized once again with the rules of the road and your ability to navigate them is imperative. Give yourself credit for questioning your agency on the road.

If you find that you cannot slip into comfort behind the wheel, you must consider next steps. Are there carpools or buses that will get you to work on time? If so, engage that now. It's better to ask for support when you don't need it! You will ultimately need to be honest and tell your core group that you need help. If you cannot rally enough support from friends and family or professional services, you may need to move to a city with more services.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy Thanksgiving! It's hard to believe that a year has zipped by since we last celebrated our coming together of family and loved ones. And yet it has. At markers like this holiday, I typically stop to reflect on where we are and from whence we have come. This year is no different.

There's something that has become clearer to me over the course of this year, namely that we all move at different paces. The way that each of us sees our world dramatically affects the way that we engage our friends and loved ones and the way that we feel about the chain of events that forms our lives. Navigating our relationships effectively requires noticing where we are in conjunction with our friends.

What do I mean by this? Typically, older people have a lot of free time and a lot less money. They often want to connect with the people they care about the most at the very time that those people -- children and grandchildren, in particular -- are so busy living their lives that they do not realize that their elders are yearning to connect. Working parents of growing children are often balancing their work schedules with homework, discipline and paying bills. Their children may wish for more one-on-one time, while the parents wish for the safety and happiness of their progeny. Friends without children long for the good old days when their friends with spouses and children were available to talk or hang out.

And the list goes on. Somehow, at Thanksgiving we choose to suspend our realities and, if only for a moment, pay closer attention to the people we love. Because it may only happen once a year, that pause doesn't always work so well. Pent-up, unprocessed feelings and unresolved experiences do not go away just because you decide to open your eyes. Too often, the tensions flare back up.

How can we manage this? Start with kindness and compassion. You can also lead with an apology of sorts. State to your loved ones that you are sorry you have not been as present as they would have liked. Conversely, if you have been too needy and demanding, apologize for that. Ask your loved ones to agree to enjoy the time you have together and, to the best of everyone's ability, to stay in the present. If you have unresolved issues that truly need attention, agree on a time to talk through those things. But do your best not to make it an ongoing conversation for the entire visit.

By slowing down and taking the time to be fully present with your family and friends, you create space for fellowship to heal whatever old wounds may be lingering. This is not to say that you will miraculously fix all of your problems, but it can be a head start for how you will engage each other in the coming year. Promise to call your elders more often. Agree not to be as demanding as you were in the past. Pledge to make time for the people who matter most. Then schedule it in your calendar so that, moving forward, you actually do what you say.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and my mother love to spend time together. They have been spending more time together as of this year and, honestly, it freaks me out. They have gone to fitness classes, lunches and festivals together. My father and I work long hours, so I am happy they have each other to spend time with, but I don't understand why they have bonded so much in this recent year.

I should not feel like a third wheel to my mother and husband. I don't want to ask them to stop spending so much time together, but I feel as though it is the only way I can remedy what I am feeling. -- Too Close, Denver

DEAR TOO CLOSE: I understand that you are feeling jealous, but I want to invite you to get over it. Think about the alternative: Your husband could be chummy with a hot new teacher at the yoga studio or someone he randomly meets at a festival. Instead, he is choosing to share these moments with your mother, who has lived much of her life filling time without your father by her side. Honestly, it sounds like your mother may be consciously helping to protect your marriage as she also gets to know her son-in-law.

Stop worrying about yourself, and turn the tables on them. What can they do during their adventures to include you and your dad? Invite them to get creative to include you and your father in their experiences. Perhaps they search for little treasures to bring you on occasion, or they agree to find a great story to share. Admit to them that their close bond makes you a little jealous, and you need them to help you feel more at ease about their time together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I volunteered for a large national charity yesterday. This was my first attempt to get into community service, and while I didn't expect this to be easy, I didn't walk out feeling my contribution was valued. I was not allowed to eat or take a break for six hours, was doing heavy lifting most of the time (I was not informed that this would be a possibility earlier) and had to stay hours past the time I was told I could leave. I am completely deterred from doing further charity or volunteer work. I have previously only worked with animals, and I thought I could make a bigger difference with humans. Boy, was I wrong. -- Chump Charity, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR CHUMP CHARITY: Before you write off all charities, take a few things into consideration. Number one: You need to know your limitations and be ready to stand up for them whenever necessary. If you know you need to eat or take a break, speak up and respectfully demand it. In the future, ask pointed questions about roles and responsibilities as well as timelines so that you are crystal clear of the expectations. This does not mean, by the way, that you are not interested in the charity. It means you stand up for all rights, including yours.

Second: Research charities to find one that has clear professional practices for staff and volunteers as well as those it serves. This will cut down on your need to fight for your rights. It will not eliminate it, however.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)