DEAR READERS: Happy Thanksgiving! It's hard to believe that a year has zipped by since we last celebrated our coming together of family and loved ones. And yet it has. At markers like this holiday, I typically stop to reflect on where we are and from whence we have come. This year is no different.

There's something that has become clearer to me over the course of this year, namely that we all move at different paces. The way that each of us sees our world dramatically affects the way that we engage our friends and loved ones and the way that we feel about the chain of events that forms our lives. Navigating our relationships effectively requires noticing where we are in conjunction with our friends.

What do I mean by this? Typically, older people have a lot of free time and a lot less money. They often want to connect with the people they care about the most at the very time that those people -- children and grandchildren, in particular -- are so busy living their lives that they do not realize that their elders are yearning to connect. Working parents of growing children are often balancing their work schedules with homework, discipline and paying bills. Their children may wish for more one-on-one time, while the parents wish for the safety and happiness of their progeny. Friends without children long for the good old days when their friends with spouses and children were available to talk or hang out.

And the list goes on. Somehow, at Thanksgiving we choose to suspend our realities and, if only for a moment, pay closer attention to the people we love. Because it may only happen once a year, that pause doesn't always work so well. Pent-up, unprocessed feelings and unresolved experiences do not go away just because you decide to open your eyes. Too often, the tensions flare back up.

How can we manage this? Start with kindness and compassion. You can also lead with an apology of sorts. State to your loved ones that you are sorry you have not been as present as they would have liked. Conversely, if you have been too needy and demanding, apologize for that. Ask your loved ones to agree to enjoy the time you have together and, to the best of everyone's ability, to stay in the present. If you have unresolved issues that truly need attention, agree on a time to talk through those things. But do your best not to make it an ongoing conversation for the entire visit.

By slowing down and taking the time to be fully present with your family and friends, you create space for fellowship to heal whatever old wounds may be lingering. This is not to say that you will miraculously fix all of your problems, but it can be a head start for how you will engage each other in the coming year. Promise to call your elders more often. Agree not to be as demanding as you were in the past. Pledge to make time for the people who matter most. Then schedule it in your calendar so that, moving forward, you actually do what you say.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and my mother love to spend time together. They have been spending more time together as of this year and, honestly, it freaks me out. They have gone to fitness classes, lunches and festivals together. My father and I work long hours, so I am happy they have each other to spend time with, but I don't understand why they have bonded so much in this recent year.

I should not feel like a third wheel to my mother and husband. I don't want to ask them to stop spending so much time together, but I feel as though it is the only way I can remedy what I am feeling. -- Too Close, Denver

DEAR TOO CLOSE: I understand that you are feeling jealous, but I want to invite you to get over it. Think about the alternative: Your husband could be chummy with a hot new teacher at the yoga studio or someone he randomly meets at a festival. Instead, he is choosing to share these moments with your mother, who has lived much of her life filling time without your father by her side. Honestly, it sounds like your mother may be consciously helping to protect your marriage as she also gets to know her son-in-law.

Stop worrying about yourself, and turn the tables on them. What can they do during their adventures to include you and your dad? Invite them to get creative to include you and your father in their experiences. Perhaps they search for little treasures to bring you on occasion, or they agree to find a great story to share. Admit to them that their close bond makes you a little jealous, and you need them to help you feel more at ease about their time together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I volunteered for a large national charity yesterday. This was my first attempt to get into community service, and while I didn't expect this to be easy, I didn't walk out feeling my contribution was valued. I was not allowed to eat or take a break for six hours, was doing heavy lifting most of the time (I was not informed that this would be a possibility earlier) and had to stay hours past the time I was told I could leave. I am completely deterred from doing further charity or volunteer work. I have previously only worked with animals, and I thought I could make a bigger difference with humans. Boy, was I wrong. -- Chump Charity, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR CHUMP CHARITY: Before you write off all charities, take a few things into consideration. Number one: You need to know your limitations and be ready to stand up for them whenever necessary. If you know you need to eat or take a break, speak up and respectfully demand it. In the future, ask pointed questions about roles and responsibilities as well as timelines so that you are crystal clear of the expectations. This does not mean, by the way, that you are not interested in the charity. It means you stand up for all rights, including yours.

Second: Research charities to find one that has clear professional practices for staff and volunteers as well as those it serves. This will cut down on your need to fight for your rights. It will not eliminate it, however.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently reconnected with my college boyfriend because he was working on the campaign of Hillary Clinton. He was very excited about his job and eager to start building his career once the election was over. He, and many others, seemed certain that his candidate would win, and that it would be historic. We talked for months about all of the work that he felt was being done, especially by him, to try to support the candidate. It seemed great for him.

And then the results came in, and Clinton did not win. I wasn't sure what to say to him right away. We all were stunned by the election results, Democrats and Republicans alike. I called him the next day to check in, and he was kind of bewildered. I feel like I need to say or do something to console him and help him snap out of it. He said he has only a short time left to finish up his responsibilities, and then the job is finished.

How can I support him during this period of transition? He is not my boyfriend, but I care a lot about him, and I know he has to figure out how to move on. -- The Jig Is Up, New Orleans

DEAR THE JIG IS UP: Start by being a great listener. You can also remind him of the democratic process. What is beautiful about it is that no matter what the contest may have been like, we as Americans agree that we will move peacefully into the next administration and support them.

For your friend, that needs to include considering his future. He should evaluate his views on the election cycle and consider where he might be best used to further his political views and interests. In the world of politics, there are so many options, but all are based on what you believe. He must be able to articulate that clearly. From there he should start looking for a job -- with a smile on his face because he knows what he wants to do.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I visited my mother recently and had a wonderful, if short, visit. I was thinking about how often I used to spend time with her and began to feel melancholy. Her life is slowing down, and mine is still very busy. We live 300 miles apart. I don't want to be the daughter who wasn't there for her mom. While that isn't true, I do know that we have fleeting moments together rather than hours of quality time. How can I strike a balance that fulfills both of us and that is realistic? -- Missing Mom, Pittsburgh

DEAR MISSING MOM: Engage modern technology to support and enhance your relationship. Get your mother a smartphone if she doesn't have one already. Teach her how to do simple things, like receive photos and texts -- and possibly send them. When you think of your mother, send her a quick message. Also, establish a weekly rhythm when you talk to each other on the phone. Visit as much as you can. Whatever your level of contact, make it count by being fully present.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)