DEAR HARRIETTE: While doing a quick self-exam, I found a lump in my left breast. I froze and immediately scheduled an appointment with my doctor. I am almost 60 years old, and I haven't told any of my children about my hospital visits. The lump turned out to just be an infection, but I had cancerous cells removed more than a decade ago. Should I tell my children about my health scare? I don't want them to take my time left for granted, but I also don't want them worrying about me. -- Big Scare, Pikesville, Maryland

DEAR BIG SCARE: Now is not the time to frighten your children for no reason. Instead, make sure that you have a complete physical. Ask every question you can think of, and share every detail of your health history. Do your own due diligence so that you are clear about your health status. Given that your health scare was resolved, count yourself smart and still independent.

Thinking about the future, you should decide which of your children will be your main health advocate. Ask that child to agree to be that support to you. It's best if he or she lives near you so that if and when you have health concerns, it will be manageable for him or her to attend doctor's visits with you and follow up as needed. When you introduce the idea, be sure to say the truth, that nothing is wrong now, but you are thinking ahead and want to have your plans in order.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am beginning a journey of being sober. I realize at this point in my life, binge drinking alcohol is doing nothing but harm for me. However, my friends drink a lot. This makes me think about the saying "Tell me who your friends are, and I'll tell you who you are." I clearly can't make a whole new group of friends, nor do I want to.

How can I be the only sober person without drawing attention to myself? I am becoming sober because I want to focus on my weight loss and mental well-being. -- Friends Love Alcohol, Boston

DEAR FRIENDS LOVE ALCOHOL: Getting sober and being around drinkers does not work. For a short time at least, you will need to separate from your friends. This doesn't mean that you have to part from them forever. It does mean that in order for you to turn a corner and create a new pattern in your life, you have to go it alone for a bit. It doesn't work to try to disguise your non-drinking. Your friends will notice, and unless you are prepared to tell them about your choice and ask them to support you, you have to step aside.

You may be pleasantly surprised to learn that some of your friends may want to join you on this path if you tell them. Your happy medium may be announcing your plans to your friends and asking if anyone wants to make that choice with you. You will quickly learn if you have to go it alone, or if any of them chooses to join you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work at a late-night pizza parlor that is open until 3 a.m. A few weeks ago, we had a drunk customer accidentally start a fire in the restaurant with a lighter. I saw this happening and quickly jumped into action. The owner heard about this and promoted me -- while demoting my former manager. We basically switched jobs, and I am having trouble with the power dynamic. Do I truly have the right to boss someone around who dropped the ball only once? -- Job Switcheroo, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR JOB SWITCHEROO: Stop thinking about your responsibilities as "bossing somebody around." Instead, consider your role as both a troubleshooter and peacemaker, at least for now. Talk to your former boss, and apologize to him for the turn of events, which obviously was beyond your control. Assure him that your intention is to do your best to make sure that the pizza parlor runs smoothly. Ask him for his help.

As you make decisions -- including assigning schedules, if that's in your purview -- be clear and direct. Review the responsibilities of being a manager, and state that you are following protocol when you make decisions. Ask your staff, including your former manager, to comply. Your clarity of authority and kindness will eventually smooth over the current tensions.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and I have six adult children. As you can imagine, getting eight people's schedules to align can be a nightmare. We have all agreed to take a long weekend off from work and vacation together. However, my children can't agree on the destination. No one is willing to compromise, and instead they threaten to not take off from work. Is there any way I can wrangle everyone's opinions into one trip? I am juggling ideas of a ski vacation, the Caribbean and a city excursion. I just want my family to have a new experience together. -- Rough Travels, Cincinnati

DEAR ROUGH TRAVELS: Congratulations on rearing strong-willed children. Believe it or not, it's not a bad sign that your adult children have strong points of view. That said, you still must be the parent. Instead of having your family members fight to the death and attempt to exert their muscle, which is likely based on childhood power struggles, step up and invite them to a more creative solution.

Since the ideas are completely different from each other, consider a lottery. Tell your children that everyone gets the chance to choose once from a group of options that represent everyone's ideas. You need to be the tiebreaker, so make sure there are seven options, with all being different. Either have everyone literally pick from a hat -- if you can get them all together -- or have everyone vote and if you need to break a tie, do so.

Next year, the lottery can remove the vacation you just had and includes all of the current ideas. In order to participate in the lottery, everybody has to agree to join the vacation!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 13-year-old daughter wants to throw a house party for her birthday. She asked me for permission and outlined all the games and activities that the kids would be doing. She told me that she's comfortable with me staying in the house, but she doesn't want her dad there because he'd embarrass her.

I told my husband what our daughter said, and I suggested he take a night off with his buddies at a bar. I think this is so mature of my daughter to do, and I want her to trust her parents like this. However, my husband now insists on staying home. Where can I find a happy medium? -- Baby's First Party, New Rochelle, New York

DEAR BABY'S FIRST PARTY: I want to caution you about your decision to side with your daughter and alienate your husband as your daughter enters her teenage years. It is important for you and your husband to be a team as you parent your teenager. Your daughter should not think that she can decide that your husband should be pushed out of the house.

Even if that is your recommendation, you have to figure out how to come to decisions that keep the adults in charge with your daughter remembering her place.

Why does your daughter think that your husband would embarrass her? Is her concern valid? Is there something you can address with him that may curtail any untoward behavior on his part? Further, what can you say to your daughter to let her know that you want to keep open communication between you as you also help her to remember always to honor her mother and her father? Food for thought.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my new co-workers at the diner I work at claims to be a psychic. She can't stop talking about her gift and trying to read people. Honestly, I think it's a crock. She's been wrong about me and a few other people, and now she's making customers uncomfortable. She doesn't do this around my manager, but I think he has the right to know. Do I mention this to our manager or keep being entertained by her failed "connections"? -- Entertaining Liability, Seattle

DEAR ENTERTAINING LIABILITY: Start with your co-worker. Be kind. Tell her that you are concerned that her psychic side hustle at the job could end up causing problems. Don't question her abilities. Instead, remind her that the boss expects all of you to stay focused on serving the customers. Point out that you have noticed that sometimes her psychic act has made some customers uncomfortable. Suggest that she stop.

If she does not and you continue to notice that customers are feeling uncomfortable, point it out to your manager -- but only then. You can say that your new co-worker seems to be eager to entertain customers with her psychic abilities, but you are worried that some customers don't like it. Then let your boss do the rest.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)