DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a large family of eight. I pay for a Netflix account that only permits two people on at the same time. There are simply too many people on this account, so I can barely watch it. A few of my children are independent adults, but they still mooch off of my subscription. How do I tell them to cut it out? I pay the bill. I should be able to watch whenever I want! -- Stealing the Subscription, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR STEALING THE SUBSCRIPTION: Start by changing your password so that your independent children who are not living with you do not have access to your account. You can also tell them to stop trying to use it. They know how large your family is. You have to put your foot down about who uses the account. Next, talk to your other family members about times when they can use it or not. Because you have to manage usage on Netflix, this clearly requires that you take the reins.

If your family is unwilling to follow the rules that you put in place, you may want to cancel your subscription for a while. You could also create a rewards system where good grades or other good behavior allows extra time to watch a show. Get creative.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My kids have been making fun of my new hobbies since they've moved out. It wasn't easy transitioning from stay-at-home mom to empty nester, so now I focus on making soaps, lotions and candles. My kids think it's funny that this is how I spend my time now and give me a hard time whenever I try to gift them with my creations. I have to keep myself busy somehow, and I don't think they realize how much time I put into raising them. How do I draw the line without snapping and make them realize that now is my time to develop my hobbies? -- Too Much Free Time, Portland, Oregon

DEAR TOO MUCH FREE TIME: You might consider writing them a letter where you thoughtfully articulate how much you love them and share stories of things you did with and for them as they were growing up. In your note, you can bring to life the wonderful memories that you have and that you possibly share with them about their growing-up years. Acknowledge your gratitude for being their mother.

Spend the second half of your letter telling them how challenging the transition has been for you since they grew up and moved away. Describe to them how you have had to figure out ways to occupy your time and discover joy differently since you no longer have them as your core focus. Tell them how much delight you are gaining from the various hobbies that you have undertaken. Point out that because your children remain the center of your world, you naturally want to share some of your creations with them. Explain that you understand that they may not want every candle or lotion just as you may not have wanted to save every painting or papier-mache sculpture they made when they were growing up. Ask them to cherish your gifts anyway because you are making and offering them with love.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine is getting married in September 2017. The couple has created a crowdfunding campaign that would allow their friends and family to help them raise money for their wedding. I am happy that my buddy is getting married, and I have no problem purchasing a gift for the couple; however, I think they have pushed the envelope really far with this request. I made the recommendation that they should have a private ceremony at the justice of the peace and hold the celebration at a later date. Do you think my friends should have made this request, or do you think they should wait until they have saved enough money to pay for the wedding themselves? -- Let's Wait a While, Memphis, Tennessee

DEAR LET'S WAIT A WHILE: The rules of wedding planning have changed dramatically. In days gone by, weddings were paid for by the bride's family, while the rehearsal dinner and sometimes the wine and spirits at the reception were covered by the groom's family. Today, many couples are marrying well after they have become independent. In turn, many of them are paying for their own weddings.

The caveat is that weddings are typically very expensive. In recent years, all kinds of creative approaches have become popular for funding the wedding and the honeymoon. For example, many couples have registries where you can pay for a dinner or a kayaking trip on a honeymoon. In light of such things, a crowdfunding campaign to pay for a wedding is all part of the new way that these events occur. I'm not a fan, but I do see the trend. You can make up your own mind as to whether you want to participate. No rule says you have to give to that cause. You can remain old-school and simply buy them a gift. Just do your best not to pass judgment on their choices. It is their wedding.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My father passed away a few months ago, my mother has cancer and my favorite aunt and uncle are divorcing. I am hurting, and I am not looking forward to this upcoming holiday season because no one is going to be around. I really need some words of encouragement to help lift my spirits up during this difficult time in my life. -- Daddy's Girl, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR DADDY'S GIRL: I am so sorry for your loss and for the turmoil in your family right now. Naturally, you are sad and concerned about how to deal with the holidays. If your family is not gathering this year, design other activities for yourself. Check in with friends to see if you can join them for Christmas dinner or for another day during your time off. Schedule adult "play dates" with people you love who are good at having fun. What you need now is some relief and to be able to relax and simply enjoy the moment.

I also recommend that you get grief counseling. Identify a mental health professional who can support you during this time. Now is a great time for prayer, meditation and contemplation. Be gentle with yourself.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just put a down payment on a new home. At first, I thought this would be a great transition in our life, but now my kids are kicking and screaming about moving. They are teenagers and don't want to lose their friends! They can make new ones, and we'll only be an hour away from our old home. They'll have a better education here. How can I get them to appreciate this move instead of complaining about it and dreading it? -- Relocation, Madison, Wisconsin

DEAR RELOCATION: Moving is at the top of the list of stressful activities in a person's life, especially for children. It is natural for them to protest. Teenagers are at the stage when they are exerting more independence, which only makes it more uncomfortable for you, because their voices are maturing. You have to stand your ground and focus on the future. Talk to your children about the new neighborhood. Take them to visit so that they can see their new school and any extracurricular options nearby. Stay calm.

You can expect your children to be unhappy for a while. Consider that natural. After you move, do your best to enroll them in activities that will positively occupy their time. You can also welcome them to invite their friends over for weekend sleepovers or other engagements. But mostly, help them acclimate to their new surroundings. In time, they will make new friends and learn to enjoy their new home.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends is the hardest worker I know. She never does anything to treat herself and works two jobs right now. She also takes up odd jobs on the weekends. I want to come up with a way for her to take a step back from her work and relax for a moment. I've tried to do this in the past, but she's always come up with excuses about how she has to work. She's going to burn out at some point! I just want to see her happy and doing things that she likes. How do I pull her away from her constant work? -- Treat Yourself, Pittsburgh

DEAR TREAT YOURSELF: Take a step back. What do you know about your friend's debt and responsibilities? If she needs to work in order to make ends meet, badgering her about it is not going to help her. Instead, you may want to think strategically on her behalf. Based on the skills that she has, do you know of any career category that might earn more per hour than the various jobs she has pieced together? Perhaps you can recommend that she consider a different type of work that will yield more income for less of a time investment.

It could also be true that she simply feels a compulsion to work all the time. Some people are like that. If she is this type, nothing will stop her push to work even if she has enough money. As unbelievable as it may be to you, your friend may enjoy working.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)