DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom and I do not have the most stable relationship. I have not spoken to her in years, and I've had to have a restraining order against her. Whenever people ask about my mom, I never know how to respond. These are sometimes family members and sometimes friends who have recently met me. I don't like being asked this question by people who know about our situation, and I want privacy on this topic. How do I politely draw the line that my mother is never a topic for conversation? -- No Mom, Washington, D.C.

DEAR NO MOM: I'm sorry to hear about the rift between you and your mother. Clearly, something horrible occurred for you to resort to having a restraining order against her. I can imagine that you would prefer not to talk about her. The good news is that you do not have to, at least not much. With family members, especially those who know your story, you can directly tell them that the topics of your mother and your relationship with her are off limits. If they keep asking, you can simply walk away or not answer. You can also ask them to respect your wishes to not discuss her.

For friends or people who have recently met you, you may want to take a slightly softer approach. Know that it is common for people to ask about your family, especially your mother, as they are getting to know you. It doesn't mean that they are being intrusive, necessarily. More, it is that they are making conversation. You can say to them that you and your mother are not close, and then change the subject. If you instead talk about another family member with whom you are close, it may help ease the awkwardness.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I do not purchase anything made of leather. I don't think that animals should be used for clothing. I never talk about this to other people because I don't like forcing my beliefs. I have been given multiple presents like handbags that are made of leather, and don't know what to do with them. I have never worn them and don't really want to gift them to other people to wear. What should I do with all of the leather goods I've been given? An animal died for this product, so I don't want to just throw it out. -- Leather Dilemma, Seattle

DEAR LEATHER DILEMMA: Without forcing anyone to follow your convictions, you can let your close friends and family know your stance. Then you will likely stop receiving gifts made of leather. Right now, people are spending good money to purchase something they think you will like, having no idea of your preferences. By all means, speak up. Let them know you are a no-leather girl. You can also tell them what you do like so that they can get clued in to who you are.

Give the items that you already have to a charity that supports people who cannot afford to buy clothing or accessories. Or consider a house of worship that gives such things to neighborhood people in need.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a young guy in my 20s. This past weekend I asked a girl I met through a dating app on a date. She accepted my date offer; however, she texted through the whole dinner! I confronted her about this at the end of the date, and she actually told me that she was more interested in someone else. I haven't been in the dating world for a long time, but I thought this was so rude. She still tries to text me, and I don't know what to do. We could've had a good thing, but she was so disrespectful and may have just used me for a free meal. Do I give her a second chance? -- Want A Girlfriend, Boston

DEAR WANT A GIRLFRIEND: Don't sell yourself short! You deserve way better than that young lady. While technology can get in the way of many relationships, it surely should not be a problem on the first date. Anybody who cannot take her eyes away from texting to have a full experience with someone on a first date does not deserve a do-over.

I understand that you really want to find someone to be your girlfriend. I encourage you to slow down. Think carefully about what qualities you would like your girlfriend to have. What are your interests, and what would you like to share with a woman? Then, if you go through a dating app, be clear about your interests in your dating profile, so that you potentially weed out the women who want something else. You can go so far as to say that you would like dates to be cellphone-free zones. Why not?

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband's aunt passed away about seven months ago. At the time, I was very saddened. I attended the funeral and cried along with everyone else. But now the family is still mourning the loss. This is not a sudden death. She was in her 80s and sick for years. Clearly, I can't tell the family just to get over it, but I want to figure out some ways to move along the mourning process. I was thinking of having one scrapbooking or storytelling event and then slowly cutting down on the everyday mentions of her loss. -- Mourning Period Over, Cincinnati

DEAR MOURNING PERIOD OVER: People process grief in different ways. Just because this aunt was elderly does not mean that they miss her any less than if she had died young or suddenly. What will help you during this period as your family continues to grieve daily is to practice compassion. Do your best to be understanding of their pain. Your idea is a great way to engage them to capture their reminiscences meaningfully. Having a focused activity like scrapbooking will allow everyone space to roam through their memories about your husband's aunt and record them. What you cannot do is regulate how soon they will stop speaking of her daily.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am going to a class reunion soon, and it has been almost 20 years. I feel horrible about what I'm going to say because I wouldn't have thought of myself like this, but I feel really self-conscious about going. I have gained a lot of weight over the years and do not feel like I look my best. I don't have enough time to drop 40 pounds or really do anything other than maybe to buy a new dress. I don't want my college friends to give me the side eye when I see them. I was so fashionable when I was in school, but those days are long over! Am I overthinking this? How can I be more at ease for this trip? I want to see my old friends, but a big part of me wants to hide. -- To Go or Not to Go, Washington, D.C.

DEAR TO GO OR NOT TO GO: Would it help for you to know that there are a whole lot of other people from your class who are probably feeling the same way? People obsess about their appearance when it comes to reconnecting after many years. The truth is, just about everyone will look different. Some will be bigger -- honestly, most will have gained weight. Some will be smaller. Some will be bald. Some will be ill. Some will be crotchety. Some will be warm and loving. They will represent a broad swath of realities.

Your job is to give yourself a pat on the back for committing to attending the reunion. If it will make you feel better, buy a new dress. More important, though, is to bring your joyful self. Bring a big smile and genuine happiness that you are all together. Resist making a disclaimer about your weight. It is not necessary. Focus on connecting with your fellow classmates.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm getting to the age where a lot of my friends' parents are dying. It seems like every couple of months I get word that a father or mother has passed. Many of these people I have known for years. It is really affecting me, and I'm not sure what to do about it. Typically, I go to the funerals and try to be there for my friends, but it is making me really sad. I lost both of my parents years ago, so I don't have them to console me. I'm not sure how I should react when these people who have been so close to me are now dying. -- Dealing with Death, Princeton, New Jersey

DEAR DEALING WITH DEATH: Given how close you have felt to some of these elders, you should reach out to your friends, check to see how they are doing and let them know that you are deeply mourning, too. Ask if you can connect with them. Determine if it is comfortable enough for them to talk with you about their parents' death. You may be able to do some mourning together.

You may also want to talk to a grief counselor, who can listen to you and help you sort through your feelings. The death of a loved one is usually traumatic, even if it is not your parent. Allow yourself to grieve and get help with the healing process.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)