DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a seamstress who I have frequented for the past few months. All of her work has been excellent and affordable, so I bring all of the pieces I've been meaning to fix to her.

A jacket that I ripped is one of my "goal" clothes. I hope to lose enough weight to fit into the jacket again. When I took it to my seamstress, she insisted on letting the seams out so I could fit into it again without ripping it. I told her I wanted it small so I will fit into it when I lose weight. She shook her head silently and fixed the jacket just as I requested. I still don't fit into the jacket, but I was wondering if I had been unreasonable by not listening to the professional. -- Pulling at the Seams, Baltimore

DEAR PULLING AT THE SEAMS: I'm sorry to say that your seamstress was right. To go to the expense of having a jacket repaired to a size that you do not fit was probably a waste of money. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to lose weight, but most people do not get back to that magical weight or size that allows them to fit favorite clothes from yesteryear. That your seamstress could have recut your jacket so that it fits you now would have been a bonus that would not necessarily have meant that you would stop trying to trim down and get healthier. 

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister is my constant go-to. She is older and wiser than me, so I've always called her when I'm in need of advice. I've been going through a tough time recently with work and relationships, so I've been calling a lot. "Kelsey" always answers and talks to me, but she's been more distant lately. I know she and her husband want to start a family, and I feel like I take up too much of her time. I've asked her what she's been worrying about, and if I am the problem. Kelsey knows she could always come to me if she needed to. -- Phone Therapy, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR PHONE THERAPY: Sometimes stepping back and giving your go-to confidante space is the best answer. As much as you want to be there for your sister, she may need to walk through her challenges with her husband rather than with you or anyone else.

Thank Kelsey for always being such a wonderful support to you. You can also apologize for being so needy of late. Add that you hope all is well with her, and that if she ever wants to talk about her stuff, you are happy to listen.

As far as your life goes, consider getting some professional coaching for your challenges. Often, a professional can hear themes and patterns in your behavior and choices better than a family member. You may be able to get strategic help for your life by going to a different go-to person.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My co-worker got way too drunk on a night out with the boys this weekend. He is a new guy who just graduated from college, so we invited him to make some work friends. Apparently, college hasn't left him. He drank all of us under the table.

We don't want to invite him again. He doesn't even remember his embarrassing behavior! We think some mentorship could be offered to him. How do we talk to him about keeping it professional even when we're letting loose? -- Always on the Job, Washington, D.C.

DEAR ALWAYS ON THE JOB: Pull your co-worker aside and ask him if you can give him some feedback. With his permission, tell him highlights of his behavior when you went out drinking. Tell him that in a work situation, it is important to keep your drinking in check because everyone notices what you do, and getting drunk and out of control is not a positive reflection on an employee.

Be honest with this young man. Tell him you want to support him and mentor him if he will welcome that. Tell him that your other co-workers are reluctant to invite him out again because of the way he behaved in the past. Let him share his thoughts and feelings, and do your best to guide him to more responsible action. If you are willing, you really may be able to help him grow.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love leading a healthy lifestyle, although I firmly believe everyone needs an ice cream sundae indulgence once in a while. I was speaking to a friend about diets and favorite foods recently, and she told me she had stopped eating fruits because they have too much sugar. I was in total shock. Fruits and vegetables are the healthiest foods around! She is convinced fruits make her gain weight, and I don't know how to handle this. -- Fruits Are Friends, Los Angeles

DEAR FRUITS ARE FRIENDS: Fruits represent foods that are considered healthy and important to consume in a daily diet. That said, too much of anything can be problematic. Your friend is not wrong in saying that fruits, at least some of them, have high sugar content. You are right, though, that fruit is healthier than cakes and cookies.

Your friend should discuss her fruit intake with her doctor. A medical evaluation will let her know what she should or should not eat. As much as you want to be a support to your friend, you probably should stay out of it. Since you are not a doctor or a nutritionist, you are not able to speak with authority. You will probably end up in an argument.

You could do research for yourself on the pros and cons of consuming fruit. You can share your research with your friend, if you like, but mostly do the research for yourself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently joined a feminist club that meets once a week. I've been to one meeting so far, and I was truly enlightened by the conversation.

The meeting started with a presentation about the term "Boys will be boys" and the harmful repercussions it can have on both genders. Then it got very personal. Childhood abuse survivors began to speak about their stories. I didn't have anything I wanted to share, so I stayed silent for the majority of the meeting. I don't want to feel uncomfortable speaking and sharing my stories, but I feel like mine don't have the same weight as survivors'. Is this a sign I should leave the club? I don't want to seem like an imposter. -- Feminist, Denver

DEAR FEMINIST: Don't let one meeting sway you. Give the club a chance so that you get a clear sense of its objectives, its values and the range of conversations that members have when they are gathered. Attend a few more meetings, and observe carefully. If you feel comfortable speaking up in the group, do so. Talk to some of the women one-on-one to see how well you connect with them individually.

It can feel awkward to talk about less traumatic issues if the group is focused on topics like abuse. In time, you will see whether the conversation broadens to other topics and if you feel like you will fit in.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work on a small farm in Vermont. I am in my late 20s, and I have been working here since quitting a real estate firm. My father has been hounding me to return to the city and my salary. I want to prove to my dad that I can support my boyfriend and myself without getting a big-city job.

I've been looking at plots of land, but that would put me in some debt. My father still partially supports me, but I want to make the leap to independence. -- Small-Town Woman, Small Town, Vermont

DEAR SMALL-TOWN WOMAN: I'm going to sound old school here, but my question to you is: Why do you have to support your boyfriend? If you are both able-bodied young people, you should both be working to support yourselves. The burden should not fall on you. I wonder if your father is making his suggestion to wake you up to what it takes to be independent.

Working on a farm may be the job for you. To figure it out, make a list of your hopes and dreams as they relate to work and to life. What do you want for yourself? Write down your ideas. Be sure to include job and career ideas, too. As you review your list, notice what stands out. Focus your attention on how to make your hopes and dreams real. If your ideas keep you on a farm, fully commit to that. If not, plot your course to what will fulfill you. By all means, encourage your boyfriend to do the same.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)