life

Friends in the Crowd Can Make Open Mic Less Scary

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 15th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am an aspiring comedian and have finally mustered up the courage to sign up for an open mic night. I haven't told my friends or family because I want to see if I can make strangers laugh, not just those who love me. Now I'm the most nervous I've ever been to perform, and I think it's because I won't have my support group there. Should I invite my friends and family, or is this worth going alone? -- Open Mic Jitters, Philadelphia

DEAR OPEN MIC JITTERS: By all means, invite your support group. If they help you to relax, welcome them to your first open mic. Trust that they cannot make the crowd react in a particular way, so the chances that they will sway the audience are limited. What they can do, which you clearly need and will appreciate right now, is help you feel comfortable and up for the job.

Other ways you can prepare for this debut include visiting the venue in advance so that you can be familiar with the layout; practicing your jokes until they seem second nature; remembering to breathe when you get nervous (something many people forget to do and which only makes you feel more uncomfortable); and trusting that you can do it.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for October 15, 2016

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 15th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a dream to be a professional vlogger. I have been watching vloggers for years on YouTube and envy their jobs. So I decided it is my time to stop dreaming and start doing. I thought this was going to be a lot easier, and my friends make fun of me for constantly talking to a camera. I know I have the potential to make it big, but I just can't have snide comments under my vlogs! How can I tell my friends to hush it so I can have a great vlogging career? -- I Can Do It, Jersey City, New Jersey

DEAR I CAN DO IT: Your friends and their snide ways can serve as motivation for you. If you really want this, don't let them stand in your way. Prove them wrong and refine your camera sense, strengthen your voice and start posting. Be sure you are clear about your subject matter. In order to become successful at this, you will need to talk about something that others care about.

Since this will be video, take the time to stage your project. Be mindful of your surroundings. Check to ensure that the lighting is complimentary to you. Select wardrobe that looks good on you when you are on camera. Test your shot, and edit out anything that is distracting. While vlogs do not need to look perfect, it is good for your work to look clean and sound clear. In this way, you make it easy for others to engage it.

As far as comments go, please know that most people who post content online get strong negative commentary all the time. It seems that the anonymity of it allows for naysayers to troll the internet looking for content to attack. You will have to develop a thick skin in order to survive and thrive in this environment. So silently thank your friends for being critical. Toughen up and get posting!

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Profound Oversleeping May Have a Medical Cause

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 14th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a very hard time waking up. I sleep through alarms and can't seem to get myself out of a fog in the morning. This happens no matter how long I sleep, and I hate how I can never wake up for things I want to go to. I work from home, but I miss other events like farmer's markets, fitness classes and seeing my children's Saturday morning soccer games because I can't wake up. I have tried all of the online tips, but I can't set alarms all over the house because I want my family to get their rest. -- Sleeping Too Much, Dallas

DEAR SLEEPING TOO MUCH: All indicators are telling you that it is time to get a medical evaluation. Make an appointment for a physical. Be sure to tell your doctor the details about your sleeping and waking patterns. There is a chance that your system is out of balance, which may be causing you to be lethargic in the mornings.

You may also want to check in with a therapist. As you work to get to the source of your issue, be willing to explore whether there are any emotional challenges that are troubling you now. What has changed about your daily routine? What is different in your life now compared to when (if ever) you did sleep more normally? Explore these questions and more with a professional, who may be able to help you uncover why you are having these difficulties and may suggest strategies for how to effect change.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for October 14, 2016

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 14th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got matching tattoos with my friends for my senior year of college. The tattoo is the geographical coordinates of my college town and sits proudly on my ankle. Well, it sat proudly until we all realized we got the wrong coordinates. We are about 45 miles off. I know I should've checked to make sure, but I trusted my friend who went first. I laughed it off, but now I am considering getting it removed or fixed. Is it worth going through the trouble if no one else will know that the coordinates are wrong? -- Botched Tat, Cincinnati

DEAR BOTCHED TAT: I vote for keeping the tattoo as is and having it as a lifetime experience that you and your friends share. The chances of anybody studying your tattoo long enough to figure out the mistake are unlikely. Even less likely is that anyone would know such coordinates anyway.

The camaraderie that you and your friends share is what's important. That you went all out to permanently commemorate your school on your bodies without checking the coordinates is a funny reminder of the folly of youth. I would only remove it if you just don't want the tattoo anymore. Its accuracy, given the circumstances and sentimentality, doesn't seem to be the most important factor.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Need Not Engage With Sidewalk Proselytizers

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 13th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: On my daily walk to work, missionaries stand on the sidewalk and attempt to convert anyone they can by handing out pamphlets. I really don't ever want to have conversations about religion, especially at 8:45 in the morning. I have been struggling to find a way to show I do not want to speak to or support them, but I always get lured into a conversation. I don't want to be rude and start a fight, but I also don't want to waste time pretending to be converted on the sidewalk. -- No Chit-Chat, Denver

DEAR NO CHIT-CHAT: It is time for you to toughen up. Just because those missionaries are hanging out on a sidewalk that's part of your daily path, it does not mean that you have to talk to them. You do not even have to make eye contact. There is no rule of social engagement that says that you have to speak to anyone on the street.

That said, it is friendly to acknowledge the people who cross your path. In many cities, the common way of doing this is to smile and sometimes nod your head. You may feel more comfortable doing that rather than averting your eyes. But if one of these missionaries -- or anybody else for that matter -- tries to stop you in your tracks and have a prolonged interaction, just don't do it. Keep walking. You can say, "I don't have time to talk now." You can also tell them that you aren't interested. That is not rude. That is you asserting your rights.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for October 13, 2016

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 13th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I always had a hard time going to sleep until I finally began shutting off my electronics an hour before bed. It's a rough transition in the age of social media where we constantly try to stay connected, but it makes a world of difference when I am all wound down and ready for bed. My husband, however, has a stressful job and stays on his phone sending out last-minute emails up until the moment he falls asleep. Although the light from his phone bothers me, I am more worried about his quality of sleep. How can I get him on the same sleeping path as me so we can both wake up rested? -- Digital Age, Seattle

DEAR DIGITAL AGE: Without badgering your husband, you can share stories with him of how your sleep and energy have improved ever since you shut off your electronics in advance of preparing for bed. Suggest to your husband that he try it out for a week as an experiment. Acknowledge that you know how busy he is and how much pressure he is under at his job. Suggest that he may actually be able to do his job better if he allows his mind and body the time to recharge each night without electronic distractions.

Do your best not to push him on this. If he refuses, you may want to tell him that the constant light flickering from his devices is distracting to you. You can ask him to limit his usage in the bedroom because it is interrupting your sleep.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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