life

Profound Oversleeping May Have a Medical Cause

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 14th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a very hard time waking up. I sleep through alarms and can't seem to get myself out of a fog in the morning. This happens no matter how long I sleep, and I hate how I can never wake up for things I want to go to. I work from home, but I miss other events like farmer's markets, fitness classes and seeing my children's Saturday morning soccer games because I can't wake up. I have tried all of the online tips, but I can't set alarms all over the house because I want my family to get their rest. -- Sleeping Too Much, Dallas

DEAR SLEEPING TOO MUCH: All indicators are telling you that it is time to get a medical evaluation. Make an appointment for a physical. Be sure to tell your doctor the details about your sleeping and waking patterns. There is a chance that your system is out of balance, which may be causing you to be lethargic in the mornings.

You may also want to check in with a therapist. As you work to get to the source of your issue, be willing to explore whether there are any emotional challenges that are troubling you now. What has changed about your daily routine? What is different in your life now compared to when (if ever) you did sleep more normally? Explore these questions and more with a professional, who may be able to help you uncover why you are having these difficulties and may suggest strategies for how to effect change.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for October 14, 2016

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 14th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got matching tattoos with my friends for my senior year of college. The tattoo is the geographical coordinates of my college town and sits proudly on my ankle. Well, it sat proudly until we all realized we got the wrong coordinates. We are about 45 miles off. I know I should've checked to make sure, but I trusted my friend who went first. I laughed it off, but now I am considering getting it removed or fixed. Is it worth going through the trouble if no one else will know that the coordinates are wrong? -- Botched Tat, Cincinnati

DEAR BOTCHED TAT: I vote for keeping the tattoo as is and having it as a lifetime experience that you and your friends share. The chances of anybody studying your tattoo long enough to figure out the mistake are unlikely. Even less likely is that anyone would know such coordinates anyway.

The camaraderie that you and your friends share is what's important. That you went all out to permanently commemorate your school on your bodies without checking the coordinates is a funny reminder of the folly of youth. I would only remove it if you just don't want the tattoo anymore. Its accuracy, given the circumstances and sentimentality, doesn't seem to be the most important factor.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Need Not Engage With Sidewalk Proselytizers

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 13th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: On my daily walk to work, missionaries stand on the sidewalk and attempt to convert anyone they can by handing out pamphlets. I really don't ever want to have conversations about religion, especially at 8:45 in the morning. I have been struggling to find a way to show I do not want to speak to or support them, but I always get lured into a conversation. I don't want to be rude and start a fight, but I also don't want to waste time pretending to be converted on the sidewalk. -- No Chit-Chat, Denver

DEAR NO CHIT-CHAT: It is time for you to toughen up. Just because those missionaries are hanging out on a sidewalk that's part of your daily path, it does not mean that you have to talk to them. You do not even have to make eye contact. There is no rule of social engagement that says that you have to speak to anyone on the street.

That said, it is friendly to acknowledge the people who cross your path. In many cities, the common way of doing this is to smile and sometimes nod your head. You may feel more comfortable doing that rather than averting your eyes. But if one of these missionaries -- or anybody else for that matter -- tries to stop you in your tracks and have a prolonged interaction, just don't do it. Keep walking. You can say, "I don't have time to talk now." You can also tell them that you aren't interested. That is not rude. That is you asserting your rights.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for October 13, 2016

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 13th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I always had a hard time going to sleep until I finally began shutting off my electronics an hour before bed. It's a rough transition in the age of social media where we constantly try to stay connected, but it makes a world of difference when I am all wound down and ready for bed. My husband, however, has a stressful job and stays on his phone sending out last-minute emails up until the moment he falls asleep. Although the light from his phone bothers me, I am more worried about his quality of sleep. How can I get him on the same sleeping path as me so we can both wake up rested? -- Digital Age, Seattle

DEAR DIGITAL AGE: Without badgering your husband, you can share stories with him of how your sleep and energy have improved ever since you shut off your electronics in advance of preparing for bed. Suggest to your husband that he try it out for a week as an experiment. Acknowledge that you know how busy he is and how much pressure he is under at his job. Suggest that he may actually be able to do his job better if he allows his mind and body the time to recharge each night without electronic distractions.

Do your best not to push him on this. If he refuses, you may want to tell him that the constant light flickering from his devices is distracting to you. You can ask him to limit his usage in the bedroom because it is interrupting your sleep.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Young Star Feels Ready for Social Media Debut

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 12th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son has been involved in musical theater from a very early age. He is 10 now and wants to create social media accounts. I believe his accounts should be made private because he is so young and you never know who is lurking on the internet. He thinks he should have public social media accounts so he can be discovered. My son's dreams of being on Broadway are important to me; however, his safety should always come first. Am I making too big a deal about this? My husband says they should be public accounts so they'd be like a virtual resume. -- Public or Private, Detroit

DEAR PUBLIC OR PRIVATE: Striking a balance between privacy and safety and opportunity can be tough. Your job, of course, is to figure it out for your child. What some families of child actors do is to create a stage name for their children that is different from the child's given name. Yes, the child's likeness will be out there, but being able to physically find the child becomes a bit more difficult if his identity is different.

You should check with SAG-AFTRA to see when you should register your child's proper name for professional reasons. But in terms of creating some form of protection between him and the outside world, a stage name may work. You should also make it clear that you will regularly access and review any and all content on your son's social media accounts, even as he gets older. Don't simply tell him you will do this. You must go in periodically and look at his interactions so that you truly do know who is contacting him.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for October 12, 2016

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | October 12th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 19-year-old college student who is 6 feet tall. Although you probably imagined a male, I am actually a very tall woman. Because of my height, I can't wear heels to dates, parties or formals. I always feel so casual wearing flats, and everyone else looks so fancy in their heels. Finding a guy taller than me is hard enough, yet I also have to struggle with finding appropriate shoes. How can I find dress-up shoes that don't have a heel? -- Gumby, Miami

DEAR GUMBY: I want to encourage you to embrace your height. As odd as that may seem right now, I can assure you -- from one tall woman to another -- that the sooner you revel in your height, the less of a big deal it will be, whether men are taller than you or not. Really! Many loving couples feature women who are taller than their men. You may end up being one of those people.

To that end, don't limit yourself to flat shoes. Consider kitten heels, which are typically very low but come in dressy styles, or even higher heels. So what if you gain a little height? As far as flat shoes go, there are options with sparkles and metallic leather, including ballet flats that look dressy. If you also have long feet, check out www.longtallsally.com for ideas. Or Google your size and preferred shoe style and enjoy exploring the many options that come up.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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