DEAR HARRIETTE: My family has a history of breast cancer, and I am nearing an age where my rate of developing cancer is getting higher. I have been considering getting a preventive double mastectomy. Although this is not necessary for me right now, I want the closest thing to 100 percent certainty that I will see my grandchildren get married.

I have spoken to my doctor, and he recommends waiting on the mastectomy, provided I get frequent checkups to see if I develop something. However, he does note that I should do whatever I am most comfortable with. My husband has told the rest of my family about my medical dilemma, and now I am getting opinions from all sides. I want my medical opinions coming from my doctor only. -- Risky Business, Washington, D.C.

DEAR RISKY BUSINESS: It is understandable that you would be nervous about your health, given your family history. But it is also wise for you to consult with your doctor -- and to get a second opinion. Consult another cancer specialist, and have that doctor review your medical history to give you a second recommendation. I have spoken to many women who have a family history of breast cancer who have made a range of choices based upon medical input and their own instincts.

There now are a host of tests that can help to pinpoint the likelihood of you getting cancer. Take advantage of the new technology before taking extreme action. By all means, stay on top of your health.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Upon moving into my house, my landlord said utilities were included in my rent. After a month of living here, I received an electricity bill and called my landlord. He didn't pick up, but texted me that it was my responsibility. His statement about utilities wasn't in the lease, but he made a verbal promise to me. Is there any way I could make him honor his promise now that he's trying to make me foot the bill? -- Lights Off, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR LIGHTS OFF: This is why you must read the fine print. It is your word against your landlord's, and your rental agreement does not support your word. If at all possible, try again to have a direct conversation with your landlord. Appeal to his humanity. Tell him that you created a tight monthly budget based upon numbers that are now changing because he has changed his terms. Ask him to help you out. Remind him how much you enjoy living in this house, but you really need his help by honoring the verbal agreement he made with you.

If you cannot get to him in person, you can try having this conversation via text. If you get him to admit that he did verbally agree to paying the utilities, you could take him to court. But it is likely that you are going to have to pay this utility bill. You will have to balance out whether the headache, time and possible cost of attempting to get your landlord to honor his word is worth it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am an immigrant to the United States who has been here for around 20 years. When my daughters were born here, I tried to speak only Spanish to them so they would know their family's language.

This worked for a few years, until they went to school. Now they won't speak Spanish back to me; they just listen and respond in English. I can't believe how quickly they've lost the language in four years. All they say in Spanish now are family member's names. How can I get them back on the right track with their Spanish? -- Worried Papa, Bronx, New York

DEAR WORRIED PAPA: The very good news is that your daughters continue to understand the Spanish language, even though right now they are refusing to speak it to you. As long as they know what you are saying, there is a good chance that later in life when they need the language -- for work or travel or some other reason -- they should be able to recall it.

Sadly, many children of immigrants try very hard to lose their accents and any other distinguishing characteristics that highlight their uniqueness. It is often only after they become adults that they recognize that all aspects of who they are should be valued, especially their heritage. Continue to speak to them in Spanish. You may also choose to speak to them in English as well, so there's some give and take. Gently continue to remind them of the treasures of your family's heritage.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am incredibly clumsy -- I typically can't go a whole day without spilling some coffee on myself. At times, the coffee stain is quite noticeable against my white button-down shirt. I lead meetings at work, so there isn't really a way to stay out of the spotlight. How do I address my coffee stains at meetings? I've tried making a lighthearted joke about how clumsy I am, and I just got crickets. -- Coffee Stains, Detroit

DEAR COFFEE STAINS: Stop making excuses -- they are falling on deaf ears. You should also stop claiming that you are clumsy. While this may be true, you can choose to become more careful and deliberate about your actions. Chances are, if you constantly spill coffee, you probably are doing other things that impede your progress at work and in life.

As far as the coffee itself goes, why not stop drinking it at work? Have a cup at home before you put on your shirt. Do not drink anything dark that stains if you spill it. That includes at lunch. As you work to be more mindful of how you consume beverages, support yourself by drinking clear liquids. You might also want to keep an extra shirt at the office in case of emergency. Don't tell your co-workers about this plan, either. Just focus on being your best, which includes being more deliberate in your thoughts, words and deeds.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in an apartment complex that houses 20 people. There was an option to pay extra for one of the 10 parking spots immediately in front of my apartment. I did that, but I often come home to find my neighbors parked in my spot. I want to keep our relationship positive, but the temptation to get the car towed is getting stronger and stronger. How can I courteously deal with the vagrant who keeps taking my parking spot? -- I Paid for This, Pikesville, Maryland

DEAR I PAID FOR THIS: Here's a time to go directly to management. The negotiation that you made with your building occurred through a legal contract with the management. Take pictures to prove that someone is parking in your space. Watch the space for a week, and document what cars are coming and going. Provide your images and complaint to your super, and ask to have it remedied. Trust that the people who are using your space know that they are not allowed to do so. If necessary, ask your super to put a cone in your space that you remove when you park your car. Also, ask for reimbursement for the days you were unable to park there.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This summer, I noticed a sad trend in my father. I would see him constantly darting to the bathroom more and more at family events. He is older, 70, and I know bladder and bowel control issues are more prevalent as one ages. I am not positive this is what is going on, but there can't really be another reason he needs to use the restroom so suddenly. I want him to see a doctor, but he's a private and prideful man. -- Hustle to the Restroom, Fort Lauderdale, Florida

DEAR HUSTLE TO THE RESTROOM: Who is your father's go-to person for health matters? If he has someone he trusts to help in such matters, defer to that person and explain your concerns. Otherwise, you will have to step in with grace and modesty. You can start by asking your father when he last had a physical. You can suggest that the year is coming to an end, and it's good to get a physical on this year's insurance. Often, older people appreciate thinking about saving money.

If he refuses, in private you should tell him the truth: You are concerned about his health and recommend that he have a complete physical to ensure that everything is OK, or if that's not the case, that he can check it on time. If he remains against a medical visit, be more specific about his frequent urination. Tell him you think he needs his prostate checked right away. And tell him you will not take no for an answer. Figure out who his doctor is, schedule the appointment and take him. You can apologize for being pushy as you remind him that this is your job as his adult child.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)