DEAR HARRIETTE: I am an immigrant to the United States who has been here for around 20 years. When my daughters were born here, I tried to speak only Spanish to them so they would know their family's language.

This worked for a few years, until they went to school. Now they won't speak Spanish back to me; they just listen and respond in English. I can't believe how quickly they've lost the language in four years. All they say in Spanish now are family member's names. How can I get them back on the right track with their Spanish? -- Worried Papa, Bronx, New York

DEAR WORRIED PAPA: The very good news is that your daughters continue to understand the Spanish language, even though right now they are refusing to speak it to you. As long as they know what you are saying, there is a good chance that later in life when they need the language -- for work or travel or some other reason -- they should be able to recall it.

Sadly, many children of immigrants try very hard to lose their accents and any other distinguishing characteristics that highlight their uniqueness. It is often only after they become adults that they recognize that all aspects of who they are should be valued, especially their heritage. Continue to speak to them in Spanish. You may also choose to speak to them in English as well, so there's some give and take. Gently continue to remind them of the treasures of your family's heritage.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am incredibly clumsy -- I typically can't go a whole day without spilling some coffee on myself. At times, the coffee stain is quite noticeable against my white button-down shirt. I lead meetings at work, so there isn't really a way to stay out of the spotlight. How do I address my coffee stains at meetings? I've tried making a lighthearted joke about how clumsy I am, and I just got crickets. -- Coffee Stains, Detroit

DEAR COFFEE STAINS: Stop making excuses -- they are falling on deaf ears. You should also stop claiming that you are clumsy. While this may be true, you can choose to become more careful and deliberate about your actions. Chances are, if you constantly spill coffee, you probably are doing other things that impede your progress at work and in life.

As far as the coffee itself goes, why not stop drinking it at work? Have a cup at home before you put on your shirt. Do not drink anything dark that stains if you spill it. That includes at lunch. As you work to be more mindful of how you consume beverages, support yourself by drinking clear liquids. You might also want to keep an extra shirt at the office in case of emergency. Don't tell your co-workers about this plan, either. Just focus on being your best, which includes being more deliberate in your thoughts, words and deeds.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in an apartment complex that houses 20 people. There was an option to pay extra for one of the 10 parking spots immediately in front of my apartment. I did that, but I often come home to find my neighbors parked in my spot. I want to keep our relationship positive, but the temptation to get the car towed is getting stronger and stronger. How can I courteously deal with the vagrant who keeps taking my parking spot? -- I Paid for This, Pikesville, Maryland

DEAR I PAID FOR THIS: Here's a time to go directly to management. The negotiation that you made with your building occurred through a legal contract with the management. Take pictures to prove that someone is parking in your space. Watch the space for a week, and document what cars are coming and going. Provide your images and complaint to your super, and ask to have it remedied. Trust that the people who are using your space know that they are not allowed to do so. If necessary, ask your super to put a cone in your space that you remove when you park your car. Also, ask for reimbursement for the days you were unable to park there.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This summer, I noticed a sad trend in my father. I would see him constantly darting to the bathroom more and more at family events. He is older, 70, and I know bladder and bowel control issues are more prevalent as one ages. I am not positive this is what is going on, but there can't really be another reason he needs to use the restroom so suddenly. I want him to see a doctor, but he's a private and prideful man. -- Hustle to the Restroom, Fort Lauderdale, Florida

DEAR HUSTLE TO THE RESTROOM: Who is your father's go-to person for health matters? If he has someone he trusts to help in such matters, defer to that person and explain your concerns. Otherwise, you will have to step in with grace and modesty. You can start by asking your father when he last had a physical. You can suggest that the year is coming to an end, and it's good to get a physical on this year's insurance. Often, older people appreciate thinking about saving money.

If he refuses, in private you should tell him the truth: You are concerned about his health and recommend that he have a complete physical to ensure that everything is OK, or if that's not the case, that he can check it on time. If he remains against a medical visit, be more specific about his frequent urination. Tell him you think he needs his prostate checked right away. And tell him you will not take no for an answer. Figure out who his doctor is, schedule the appointment and take him. You can apologize for being pushy as you remind him that this is your job as his adult child.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a hostess at a restaurant in a small town. Even though it is just a weekend gig, I have become invested in an older woman who comes in every Sunday and eats alone. I've never prodded her about her personal life, but it makes me so sad to see her alone. She is probably in her later 70s, and I want to do something to make her dinner a little less lonely. Is this even any of my business? It just breaks my heart to see her alone. -- Table for One, Tupelo, Mississippi

DEAR TABLE FOR ONE: First, slow down and make sure that you are not superimposing your views onto your customer. There is a very good chance that she is at peace and possibly even happy to dine alone every Sunday. Please know that many people of her age (and younger, by the way) are single and do not live near family, so it is common for them to eat alone. What may be less common is for them to venture out to eat at a restaurant among other people. That said, rather than feeling sad, choose to be empathetic and inspired.

When this lady comes in, always greet her by name and attempt to engage her in small talk. If you get a sense of what interests her -- and if you are so inclined -- you may want to share news of upcoming events or even invite her to attend an event with you. But mainly, be kind and engaging without overdoing it. She feels safe at your restaurant. Don't give her a reason to feel uncomfortable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a lot of food allergies (dairy, tree nuts and some citrus). I feel like my friends feel uncomfortable talking about food with me and pity me. I don't care that I have a restrictive diet, but I never know how to respond. For example, if someone orders orange juice at lunch, they'll look at me and apologize. I don't care what they're eating as long as they're not trying to poison me! I've never addressed this head-on because I would feel uncomfortable with that attention on me. -- Allergy Aversion, Buffalo, New York

DEAR ALLERGY AVERSION: Well, we could be twins! Except my list of allergies is much longer. One thing I considered for a long time and finally have done is to create a card with a list of my allergies on it to hand to waiters when I go to restaurants. This prevents me from having to remember and relay my food challenges in the company of a group of fellow diners. It also helps waiters ensure that they do not bring me food that has hidden ingredients that I cannot eat.

As far as your friends go, I suggest that you speak to them directly. Thank them for being aware of your food allergies. Then go down the list of what would bother you, if anything, if they consumed any of your allergens in your presence. Let them know that otherwise they can eat or drink to their heart's content without worrying about you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)