DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother and I lost touch for more than six months. We had always been inseparable siblings, but a few little arguments led to ignored calls. I called him a few days ago and left a voicemail, saying our late father would be disappointed in how we were acting. That finally got a reaction from him. However, instead of seeing that family should come first, he berated me for bringing our father into our argument.

I want my brother to stop being angry and to realize blood is thicker than water. I won't apologize for mentioning our father, especially since what I said was true. -- Sibling Spat, Cambridge, Massachusetts

DEAR SIBLING SPAT: Your brother is right. Bringing your late father into your standoff probably felt like you trying to guilt him into talking to you again. That was not a good strategic move. I recommend that you apologize, especially if your goal is to get to some meaningful moment of reconnection.

Reach out to your brother and let him know how much you miss him and regret that anything has come between you. Tell him that you mentioned your late father because you were hoping his memory might invoke good feelings. You are sorry that it did not. Tell him you want to revive your relationship and ask what he thinks you can do to that end.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my closest friends from college and I are finally working in the same city. We had spoken about getting an apartment together, so I went to work finding a place for us right away. I told her today that I found the perfect place for us, and she told me that she already found a house with friends in the suburbs and would be commuting to work. I was furious. I purposely didn't renew my lease because I thought I was moving. Now I'm stuck in the mud and mad at my friend. Is there any way we could fix this relationship? I have no idea where I can go now, and I'm getting kicked out in a month. -- Flaky Friend, Syracuse, New York

DEAR FLAKY FRIEND: I wonder about the conversation you had about getting an apartment together. How serious was it? When did it occur? Did you follow up with your friend as you looked for a new space? If you honestly believe that your friend led you on and then just dropped you, that's one type of reality regarding friend dynamics. But I sincerely question whether you made some assumptions without following up with your friend. To decide to move in together and identify an apartment, go through a credit check, make a down payment -- all of that should require active engagement on both of your parts. If that did not happen, it could be that your friend thought she was just shooting the breeze with an old college buddy rather than making a real plan.

Your first responsibility now is to find another apartment. After that, double back to your friend and talk through what happened. Let her know that you feel betrayed, and see where she stands.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a few days late in my cycle. This never happens to me, so I am definitely worried. Even worse, if I were pregnant, I have two possible "baby daddies." There's just no way I could explain this to my ex and someone I thought I'd never have to see again. If I turn out to be pregnant, how do I approach this very sensitive topic? -- Father 1, Father 2, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR FATHER 1, FATHER 2: Find out immediately if you are pregnant. There is no need for wondering. Take a test -- now! If you are pregnant, you have to decide how to handle the news. Ask your doctor how long it will take before you can determine the paternity of a child, but know that it is not instant. You are going to have to deal with the uncertainty well before this child comes into the world.

You must decide what you want. Obviously, you were confused in your relationship choices at the time of conception, or you would not have the question of who the father is. Right now, you need to assess what you want. Who would you want to build a life with? Would either man be willing to raise this child with you if the child were not his? Does either of you want a child? You have to assess that. No matter what, do not lie. Sort it all out with honesty and as much dignity as you can muster, speaking to each man individually. If possible, leave names out of it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have turned into the go-to caretaker for my friend when she gets too drunk. No one else wants to deal with her intoxicated ways, so I usually end up getting a call at least once a weekend. My friend "Jenna" means a lot to me, but when I always have to take care of her, it ruins the fun for me. I would never not come to help (she could be in an unsafe position), but I want to make her understand that her excessive drinking gives me mediocre nights because I feel like a parent to her. -- 21 and No Fun, Cleveland

DEAR 21 AND NO FUN: It is time for you to draw the line for your own sanity, and for your life. Your friend needs professional help, which you cannot offer. Right now, you are enabling her by watching out and scooping her up when she falls apart. It is time for you to tell her that you are no longer willing to be her rescuer. That means you have to stop going out with her until she gets her act together. Explain that she will either need to stop her irresponsible behavior or find someone else to answer her late-night calls.

Then you have to be willing to hold your ground. Alcoholics are living with a disease that often spurs them to irrational behavior. To support your extraction from this situation, consider visiting Al-Anon meetings (al-anon.org). Al-Anon offers free meetings designed to help the loved ones of people who are dealing with alcoholism.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I stayed my first full night at my girlfriend's place. While I expected a peaceful night, I found I couldn't sleep because of her snoring! I realized she snores when she'd fall asleep for a little while at my place, but this snoring is so loud, I'm concerned for her health. She snores so loudly, it sounds like she chokes herself and then begins to cough. She does all of this while sleeping, but I feel like there is no way she's lived 26 years without someone telling her she snores! Needless to say, I got no sleep that night, and I don't know if this will be a deal breaker in our relationship. We can't move in together if she refuses to try to fix her snoring problem. -- Up All Night, Detroit

DEAR UP ALL NIGHT: You are getting way ahead of yourself. Sure, it could be uncomfortable to bring up the snoring issue with your girlfriend, but don't jump all the way to you not being able to live with her because she refuses to address the situation. You will not know how she is going to react until you bring it up.

Do some research on the topic. There are any number of medical concerns that have snoring as a side effect -- from allergies to sleep apnea. Some have simple solutions, and others are more dramatic. Read up so you can share your research with your girlfriend if and when it's needed.

Start your conversation with her by asking her if she knows that she snores. Do not speak in an accusatory tone. Just ask. Then tell her what you experienced and how disturbing it was. Tell her that you are concerned for her health and want her to get it checked out. Share the research that you have done. Encourage her to go to the doctor to see if anything is wrong. If, over time, she does not follow up and you experience the snoring repeatedly, tell her that you won't be able to sleep with her until she figures out how to modify her breathing. I hate ultimatums, but sometimes they get well-meaning but slow-moving people to take action.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have never had a car of my own, but I feel like having one could change my life. I live in a rural area, so any trip requires begging someone with a car for a ride. I've done some research and found that I can afford monthly lease payments, but not the down payment. The other option is buying a used car, but I wouldn't even be able to drive over and see the car before purchasing. I feel so stuck, and I want to stop having to latch onto others for a lift. Should I take on my first debt to buy a car? -- Open Pavement Dreams, Virginia

DEAR OPEN PAVEMENT DREAMS: Don't give up on the car seller so fast. If the person really wants to sell, there's a good chance he will meet you somewhere with the car for you to test it out. Ask. Find out all of the details about the car in advance so that you can check it out on carmax.com. Also, look into special deals for new cars with low or zero down payments. Many options are out there, including something that could be perfect for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)