DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I stayed my first full night at my girlfriend's place. While I expected a peaceful night, I found I couldn't sleep because of her snoring! I realized she snores when she'd fall asleep for a little while at my place, but this snoring is so loud, I'm concerned for her health. She snores so loudly, it sounds like she chokes herself and then begins to cough. She does all of this while sleeping, but I feel like there is no way she's lived 26 years without someone telling her she snores! Needless to say, I got no sleep that night, and I don't know if this will be a deal breaker in our relationship. We can't move in together if she refuses to try to fix her snoring problem. -- Up All Night, Detroit

DEAR UP ALL NIGHT: You are getting way ahead of yourself. Sure, it could be uncomfortable to bring up the snoring issue with your girlfriend, but don't jump all the way to you not being able to live with her because she refuses to address the situation. You will not know how she is going to react until you bring it up.

Do some research on the topic. There are any number of medical concerns that have snoring as a side effect -- from allergies to sleep apnea. Some have simple solutions, and others are more dramatic. Read up so you can share your research with your girlfriend if and when it's needed.

Start your conversation with her by asking her if she knows that she snores. Do not speak in an accusatory tone. Just ask. Then tell her what you experienced and how disturbing it was. Tell her that you are concerned for her health and want her to get it checked out. Share the research that you have done. Encourage her to go to the doctor to see if anything is wrong. If, over time, she does not follow up and you experience the snoring repeatedly, tell her that you won't be able to sleep with her until she figures out how to modify her breathing. I hate ultimatums, but sometimes they get well-meaning but slow-moving people to take action.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have never had a car of my own, but I feel like having one could change my life. I live in a rural area, so any trip requires begging someone with a car for a ride. I've done some research and found that I can afford monthly lease payments, but not the down payment. The other option is buying a used car, but I wouldn't even be able to drive over and see the car before purchasing. I feel so stuck, and I want to stop having to latch onto others for a lift. Should I take on my first debt to buy a car? -- Open Pavement Dreams, Virginia

DEAR OPEN PAVEMENT DREAMS: Don't give up on the car seller so fast. If the person really wants to sell, there's a good chance he will meet you somewhere with the car for you to test it out. Ask. Find out all of the details about the car in advance so that you can check it out on carmax.com. Also, look into special deals for new cars with low or zero down payments. Many options are out there, including something that could be perfect for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I finally got around to some landscaping work I was planning on doing around the house. As I made my way to the back of my house, I saw an extension cord plugged into my outdoor outlet. After following it, I saw that it led to my neighbor's house! No one was home, so I simply unplugged the outlet and hoped they'd take the message. It's been a few days and my neighbors haven't tried to plug it back in, but I am furious. Who knows how much this "borrowing" cost me? Should I demand they pay me so I don't call the cops? -- Electricity Robbers, Randallstown, Maryland

DEAR ELECTRICITY ROBBERS: Forget trying to get back what you cannot quantify. What you can and should do is speak to your neighbors. When you are face-to-face, express your surprise at discovering that they were using your electricity. Ask if something happened to theirs to precipitate such an action. Press a bit to learn why they did it.

You may discover that their power went out one day, or some other emergency occurred. Whatever is said to you, make it clear that if they have an electrical need in the future, they should ask you before plugging in.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Yesterday, a child at school scratched my 7-year-old daughter. The cut is about 2 inches long and looks painful. I believe this was accidental like the teacher told me, but my daughter claims she was attacked. She has the tendency to be dramatic, so I am not sure how honest her claim is. Should I take the teacher's word about what happened, or should I investigate further? I don't want my daughter feeling unsafe at school. -- Schoolyard Woes, San Bernardino, California

DEAR SCHOOLYARD WOES: If your gut tells you that your daughter is exaggerating the situation, you don't want to exacerbate things, yet you also want to build trust with her. So start there. Tell your daughter you are concerned about what happened at school, and you want to know all of the details. Listen with great focus, and ask questions to gain clarity. When you hear something that sounds exaggerated, challenge her a bit. Ask her if it really happened the way she is describing, or if her emotions might be getting the best of her. Gently remind her of a time when she actually did bend a story a bit, ultimately turning it into something that wasn't true.

If she persists, ask her if she wants you to do some investigating at school to find out more about the incident. Ask her to tell you about her relationship with the "offender." To the best of your ability, figure out how the accident occurred. Talk to the teacher. Ask her to take note of the dynamics between the two students so that she can support them in the future. Make it clear that your daughter feels strongly that she was hurt intentionally. Suggest that the teacher keep a mindful eye on them until things settle down.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just hired a recent college graduate for her first full-time job. She's been doing a good job, but I can tell she's nervous about the three-month trial period that my company enforces. She's been here a month, and she constantly tries to do a good job, though she's made a few minor mistakes with the copier and coffee orders. I can't reassure her she'll have her job past the three-month period because she may get complacent, but I want her to stop being a ball of nerves at work. She's doing well! -- Reassurance, Denver

DEAR REASSURANCE: You can be a cheerleader. Point out to this young woman that this is her opportunity to demonstrate how well she can do the tasks she is given, as well as how quickly she can recover from mistakes. Point out that every single person makes mistakes -- from the boss all the way down to her. That's life. How you face and fix the mistakes you make is what the job requires.

Encourage her to relax into her role so that she can notice how best to do her job. Point out that staying skittish about the future is one way to cause more mistakes. She should try to feel confident in her ability to figure out how to solve problems, to ask questions when she has them and to stay committed to doing the very best that she can. If she can stay that course, she should be putting herself in the best possible position for success.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A few years ago, I got fired from a bartending job. I was immature and not doing my best, so it was definitely deserved. The restaurant that I now work at is under new management, and, as luck would have it, I'm working for the same guy who fired me years ago. I've grown up a lot in the past four years, and I feel completely confident about my ability to do an amazing job. I've been debating pulling my new manager aside and telling him that or just letting my actions speak for themselves. Should I be worried about losing my job because of my new manager's old perception of me? -- Grown Up, Dallas

DEAR GROWN UP: If you haven't already, by all means go up to your new boss and say hello. Welcome him to the restaurant, and tell him that you look forward to working with him. I would not remind him of the past or assure him that you are better today. While he is top of mind for you, the same may not be true for him.

Follow your gut and show your new/old boss what a professional you have become. Demonstrate that you are a clear asset to the staff. Essentially, make yourself an invaluable team member by continuing to do what you have been doing on this job. If you feel so inclined, up your game and become even better. When the time comes, you can thank this man for inspiring you to become a better bartender when he fired you years ago.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)