DEAR HARRIETTE: I just hired a recent college graduate for her first full-time job. She's been doing a good job, but I can tell she's nervous about the three-month trial period that my company enforces. She's been here a month, and she constantly tries to do a good job, though she's made a few minor mistakes with the copier and coffee orders. I can't reassure her she'll have her job past the three-month period because she may get complacent, but I want her to stop being a ball of nerves at work. She's doing well! -- Reassurance, Denver

DEAR REASSURANCE: You can be a cheerleader. Point out to this young woman that this is her opportunity to demonstrate how well she can do the tasks she is given, as well as how quickly she can recover from mistakes. Point out that every single person makes mistakes -- from the boss all the way down to her. That's life. How you face and fix the mistakes you make is what the job requires.

Encourage her to relax into her role so that she can notice how best to do her job. Point out that staying skittish about the future is one way to cause more mistakes. She should try to feel confident in her ability to figure out how to solve problems, to ask questions when she has them and to stay committed to doing the very best that she can. If she can stay that course, she should be putting herself in the best possible position for success.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A few years ago, I got fired from a bartending job. I was immature and not doing my best, so it was definitely deserved. The restaurant that I now work at is under new management, and, as luck would have it, I'm working for the same guy who fired me years ago. I've grown up a lot in the past four years, and I feel completely confident about my ability to do an amazing job. I've been debating pulling my new manager aside and telling him that or just letting my actions speak for themselves. Should I be worried about losing my job because of my new manager's old perception of me? -- Grown Up, Dallas

DEAR GROWN UP: If you haven't already, by all means go up to your new boss and say hello. Welcome him to the restaurant, and tell him that you look forward to working with him. I would not remind him of the past or assure him that you are better today. While he is top of mind for you, the same may not be true for him.

Follow your gut and show your new/old boss what a professional you have become. Demonstrate that you are a clear asset to the staff. Essentially, make yourself an invaluable team member by continuing to do what you have been doing on this job. If you feel so inclined, up your game and become even better. When the time comes, you can thank this man for inspiring you to become a better bartender when he fired you years ago.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I come from a mostly Puerto Rican background, and I visit my father in Puerto Rico frequently. On my last visit, I flew with my boyfriend so he could meet my father. While we were there, my father volunteered to fix us some food. We thanked him and told him to let us know if he needed any help. After about 10 minutes in the kitchen, he began berating me in Spanish about how my boyfriend won't want to stay with me if he thinks I can't cook. I've grown up with that kind of thinking, and I let it roll off my back. My father didn't know that my boyfriend has a pretty strong understanding of Spanish and caught on to what was happening. This created a generational awkwardness, and now I fear that my boyfriend doesn't respect my father as much as he used to. There's no way I can take back what my father said to me, but I want to know how I can paint my father positively in my boyfriend's eyes. -- Speaking in Tongues, Charlotte, North Carolina

DEAR SPEAKING IN TONGUES: Start by speaking honestly with your boyfriend about codes of conduct and mores in your family. Be candid about your father's views, and compassionate as well. Explain to your boyfriend that your father, in his own way, was trying to ensure that the two of you will be able to have a positive relationship. In his eyes, that requires you to follow old-school rules. Tell your boyfriend that you appreciate that he loves you for who you are. Ask your boyfriend to forgive your father for his old-school ways.

Tell your father that you really like your boyfriend and want the two of them to get along. Let your father know that your boyfriend understands Spanish. Encourage your boyfriend to speak to your father in Spanish.

DEAR HARRIETTE: At what point in a relationship can you invite someone as a plus one to a wedding? I have been casually seeing someone for the summer, and I have a wedding to attend this fall. I received a plus one, and I don't know if I know this girl well enough to bring her to a wedding. Besides, isn't the invitation implying we'll be the ones at the altar one day? -- Don't Want to Fly Solo, Plymouth, Massachusetts

DEAR DON'T WANT TO FLY SOLO: You don't have to read that much into a wedding invitation. If you received a plus-one invite without a name attached to your guest, it is solely up to you who gets to be your date. Of course you are not expected to marry that person, nor should she be jockeying for position to catch the bouquet.

The reason that couples are often extremely careful about adding a plus one to a wedding invitation has to do with budget and keeping costs down. Secondarily, it can also have to do with creating a spirit of intimacy and familiarity at the wedding. Ask yourself if you think your current date would enjoy this wedding and if she could have fun without wondering if you are about to pop the question. Indeed, consider if you feel comfortable asking her as your date to share a fun evening as you make it clear that there is no veiled commitment hidden in your back pocket. If you two can agree to attend and share a great moment, go for it.

The one additional point I will make is that you should not invite anyone who will not be completely willing to offer good wishes to the couple getting married. A wedding is a sacred event. Every participant should bring that sober understanding to the ceremony and should continue holding that positive energy during the reception.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: After almost a decade of working through the state, I have decided it is time to open my first private practice. I scoped out locations in my town, and I think I found the right office for my budget. The problem is, the office looks a little run-down. I don't have the funds to completely renovate the space, but I think I would drive away clients if I were to open my practice this way. I need the money, though. Do you think I should open with the promise of renovating soon? I don't see another way right now. -- Fixer Upper, Upper Marlboro, Maryland

DEAR FIXER UPPER: Is there any way you can stay on the job long enough to save the requisite funds to complete the basics of the renovation? By your own account, you say the new office in its current state will drive away clients. Unless you can come up with an incentive that will promote your business and allow for the space to be imperfect, you should stay in your job. But give that some thought. What can you come up with to attract clients to your business despite the shabby environs? If you can make it worth the wait for a spruced-up space, go for it. Otherwise, wait and get everything in proper order.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are older parents to one child. Our daughter has just become a teenager, and while she does enjoy spending time with us, it can be torturous for her to go to adults-only parties that last for hours with no friends. Knowing this, whenever I can manage it, I find her something else to do.

Recently, my husband ran into an old friend from college and was excited to show off his family to the guy and his friends. My husband's friend invited us to a dinner party, but I cannot go because I have been under the weather. My husband insists that my daughter go anyway. While I imagine it will be nice for our daughter to meet these people, I'm certain she will be bored. Given that she could stay at home with me and chill and be more comfortable, what can I do to make it possible for her to stay home? How can I convince him to go have fun and let the teenager stay home with me? -- Compassion for the Teen, Milwaukee

DEAR COMPASSION FOR THE TEEN: If you can capture your husband's attention, remind him of how painful being the only teen in a room can be. Acknowledge that for him it would be great to show off your daughter, but what about her? Get him to think about her for a few minutes, and see if that helps him to reconsider. Remind your husband that your daughter will probably want to come home before he does. Ask him to at least split the difference for the curfew for their evening.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)