DEAR HARRIETTE: I come from a mostly Puerto Rican background, and I visit my father in Puerto Rico frequently. On my last visit, I flew with my boyfriend so he could meet my father. While we were there, my father volunteered to fix us some food. We thanked him and told him to let us know if he needed any help. After about 10 minutes in the kitchen, he began berating me in Spanish about how my boyfriend won't want to stay with me if he thinks I can't cook. I've grown up with that kind of thinking, and I let it roll off my back. My father didn't know that my boyfriend has a pretty strong understanding of Spanish and caught on to what was happening. This created a generational awkwardness, and now I fear that my boyfriend doesn't respect my father as much as he used to. There's no way I can take back what my father said to me, but I want to know how I can paint my father positively in my boyfriend's eyes. -- Speaking in Tongues, Charlotte, North Carolina

DEAR SPEAKING IN TONGUES: Start by speaking honestly with your boyfriend about codes of conduct and mores in your family. Be candid about your father's views, and compassionate as well. Explain to your boyfriend that your father, in his own way, was trying to ensure that the two of you will be able to have a positive relationship. In his eyes, that requires you to follow old-school rules. Tell your boyfriend that you appreciate that he loves you for who you are. Ask your boyfriend to forgive your father for his old-school ways.

Tell your father that you really like your boyfriend and want the two of them to get along. Let your father know that your boyfriend understands Spanish. Encourage your boyfriend to speak to your father in Spanish.

DEAR HARRIETTE: At what point in a relationship can you invite someone as a plus one to a wedding? I have been casually seeing someone for the summer, and I have a wedding to attend this fall. I received a plus one, and I don't know if I know this girl well enough to bring her to a wedding. Besides, isn't the invitation implying we'll be the ones at the altar one day? -- Don't Want to Fly Solo, Plymouth, Massachusetts

DEAR DON'T WANT TO FLY SOLO: You don't have to read that much into a wedding invitation. If you received a plus-one invite without a name attached to your guest, it is solely up to you who gets to be your date. Of course you are not expected to marry that person, nor should she be jockeying for position to catch the bouquet.

The reason that couples are often extremely careful about adding a plus one to a wedding invitation has to do with budget and keeping costs down. Secondarily, it can also have to do with creating a spirit of intimacy and familiarity at the wedding. Ask yourself if you think your current date would enjoy this wedding and if she could have fun without wondering if you are about to pop the question. Indeed, consider if you feel comfortable asking her as your date to share a fun evening as you make it clear that there is no veiled commitment hidden in your back pocket. If you two can agree to attend and share a great moment, go for it.

The one additional point I will make is that you should not invite anyone who will not be completely willing to offer good wishes to the couple getting married. A wedding is a sacred event. Every participant should bring that sober understanding to the ceremony and should continue holding that positive energy during the reception.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: After almost a decade of working through the state, I have decided it is time to open my first private practice. I scoped out locations in my town, and I think I found the right office for my budget. The problem is, the office looks a little run-down. I don't have the funds to completely renovate the space, but I think I would drive away clients if I were to open my practice this way. I need the money, though. Do you think I should open with the promise of renovating soon? I don't see another way right now. -- Fixer Upper, Upper Marlboro, Maryland

DEAR FIXER UPPER: Is there any way you can stay on the job long enough to save the requisite funds to complete the basics of the renovation? By your own account, you say the new office in its current state will drive away clients. Unless you can come up with an incentive that will promote your business and allow for the space to be imperfect, you should stay in your job. But give that some thought. What can you come up with to attract clients to your business despite the shabby environs? If you can make it worth the wait for a spruced-up space, go for it. Otherwise, wait and get everything in proper order.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are older parents to one child. Our daughter has just become a teenager, and while she does enjoy spending time with us, it can be torturous for her to go to adults-only parties that last for hours with no friends. Knowing this, whenever I can manage it, I find her something else to do.

Recently, my husband ran into an old friend from college and was excited to show off his family to the guy and his friends. My husband's friend invited us to a dinner party, but I cannot go because I have been under the weather. My husband insists that my daughter go anyway. While I imagine it will be nice for our daughter to meet these people, I'm certain she will be bored. Given that she could stay at home with me and chill and be more comfortable, what can I do to make it possible for her to stay home? How can I convince him to go have fun and let the teenager stay home with me? -- Compassion for the Teen, Milwaukee

DEAR COMPASSION FOR THE TEEN: If you can capture your husband's attention, remind him of how painful being the only teen in a room can be. Acknowledge that for him it would be great to show off your daughter, but what about her? Get him to think about her for a few minutes, and see if that helps him to reconsider. Remind your husband that your daughter will probably want to come home before he does. Ask him to at least split the difference for the curfew for their evening.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have wanted to get some sort of rebellious piercing for a while. I have shied away from anything extreme on my face and ears for fear of losing professional success. I spoke to one of my friends about how I'd feel more self-confident, and she suggested I get a nipple piercing. I told her I don't want people to see me sexually, and we got into a spat at our dinner. I looked into it, and even young supermodels are hopping on the trend of getting exotic piercings. I guess the tides are turning, but I don't know if I'm too old (and not a supermodel) to try this out. -- Need Something New, Boston

DEAR NEED SOMETHING NEW: I've got the cold-water-in-your-face question: Why? Why do you want a rebellious piercing? Figure out the driving force -- if you can -- as that will help to guide your steps. You may just need to do something that shakes up your life in a very different way. Could that be a vacation rather than a permanent hole about which you are completely unsure? What about some kind of kooky investment, like a piece of your favorite art? Stock in your favorite company? Dinner at a really expensive restaurant? My point is that you can do something that feels crazy but that matches your mood without being physically compromising.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a Japanese-American woman married to an American man. In the Japanese culture, the eighth wedding anniversary is said to give your marriage good luck. I mentioned the significance of our upcoming anniversary to my husband, but he shrugged this off. I find it important to celebrate my culture in the marriage as well as his. How can I turn my husband, who isn't really caring, into someone who will allow me to celebrate this little victory in my culture? -- He Doesn't Get It, Roosevelt Island, New York

DEAR HE DOESN'T GET IT: Springing this concept on your husband may have been the mistake here. Your job is to teach your husband about your culture over time so that he will be interested. Little lessons here and there can go a long way. Since you are approaching your anniversary now, it is up to you to make it special in ways that will acknowledge your heritage and include your husband without being annoying.

Think about what makes your husband happy about your union and what is special to him. Plan to emphasize what he appreciates, and let him know the plan. Incorporate the concept of good luck into your overall plans, including any special activities that should be part of the actual celebration, but don't make them highlights. Instead, make them accents.

I will add that if you have not incorporated aspects of your Japanese heritage into your celebrations in the past, but you really want to do so, now is your chance to speak up for yourself and make that known. On one hand, you will need to accept your husband for who he is and how he flows through life. On the other, you can help him evolve to embrace your cultural ways. Do it with baby steps.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)