DEAR HARRIETTE: I have wanted to get some sort of rebellious piercing for a while. I have shied away from anything extreme on my face and ears for fear of losing professional success. I spoke to one of my friends about how I'd feel more self-confident, and she suggested I get a nipple piercing. I told her I don't want people to see me sexually, and we got into a spat at our dinner. I looked into it, and even young supermodels are hopping on the trend of getting exotic piercings. I guess the tides are turning, but I don't know if I'm too old (and not a supermodel) to try this out. -- Need Something New, Boston

DEAR NEED SOMETHING NEW: I've got the cold-water-in-your-face question: Why? Why do you want a rebellious piercing? Figure out the driving force -- if you can -- as that will help to guide your steps. You may just need to do something that shakes up your life in a very different way. Could that be a vacation rather than a permanent hole about which you are completely unsure? What about some kind of kooky investment, like a piece of your favorite art? Stock in your favorite company? Dinner at a really expensive restaurant? My point is that you can do something that feels crazy but that matches your mood without being physically compromising.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a Japanese-American woman married to an American man. In the Japanese culture, the eighth wedding anniversary is said to give your marriage good luck. I mentioned the significance of our upcoming anniversary to my husband, but he shrugged this off. I find it important to celebrate my culture in the marriage as well as his. How can I turn my husband, who isn't really caring, into someone who will allow me to celebrate this little victory in my culture? -- He Doesn't Get It, Roosevelt Island, New York

DEAR HE DOESN'T GET IT: Springing this concept on your husband may have been the mistake here. Your job is to teach your husband about your culture over time so that he will be interested. Little lessons here and there can go a long way. Since you are approaching your anniversary now, it is up to you to make it special in ways that will acknowledge your heritage and include your husband without being annoying.

Think about what makes your husband happy about your union and what is special to him. Plan to emphasize what he appreciates, and let him know the plan. Incorporate the concept of good luck into your overall plans, including any special activities that should be part of the actual celebration, but don't make them highlights. Instead, make them accents.

I will add that if you have not incorporated aspects of your Japanese heritage into your celebrations in the past, but you really want to do so, now is your chance to speak up for yourself and make that known. On one hand, you will need to accept your husband for who he is and how he flows through life. On the other, you can help him evolve to embrace your cultural ways. Do it with baby steps.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: There's been some controversy about whether wearing an engagement ring to a job interview lessens your chances of securing the job. As an engaged woman, I read this article intensely and was unsure what to make of it. Could an employer actually label me as high maintenance because of the ring my fiancee gave me? The article I read mentioned that I would be more likely to receive a lower salary because my interviewer would know I will be married soon. I'm totally paranoid over this, and I'm trying to figure out how I could fight this injustice if I were to experience this type of discrimination. Is it really best to take off the ring? -- Business and Personal, Syracuse, New York

DEAR BUSINESS AND PERSONAL: This is partly why the title Ms. was fought for as a replacement for Mrs. or Miss -- to level the gender playing field. Know that any such bias you mentioned is illegal but extremely difficult to prove, as it may be unconscious. Unless you are ready for part of your hiring experience to include potentially fighting for a new layer of equality, you may consider taking off the ring during the interview. As an experiment, you might wear it for interviews that you don't really want, just to see what happens.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a shuttle driver in a small town. There is a college here as well, so I drive a mixture of "townies" and students. The students like me and enjoy listening to my jokes and banter, but don't respect that I can stop only at designated stops. Admittedly, I've broken my own rules a few times, and now I feel pressure to stop wherever students ask me to. I've tried putting my foot down, but they called me a buzzkill, and I ended up stopping anyway. This makes me a few minutes late to the stops, throwing off all the times for a loop just to stop exactly where students would like me to. How can I keep the students liking me while also doing my job? -- My Shuttle, My Rules, Maine

DEAR MY SHUTTLE, MY RULES: You need to take back control, which doubles as actually doing your job. The rules don't happen to be yours, which is fine. They are the rules of the town that determine where the bus stops are, all with the intention of making it comfortable for everyone to reach their destination on a clear schedule.

Since you have befriended some of your passengers, you can let them know that you must go back to the formal schedule in order to ensure that everyone is honored. Sure, they may balk at first and even call you names. Remember that you are the adult, and you have a job to do. While it is a bonus to have your passengers like you, make your first priority the safety of your passengers, followed by their comfort. If you completely stop favors and, at the same time, emphasize timely and pleasant customer service, you should be able to bring back most of those smiling passengers. Stay kind and professional. You will be a good example for them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in an apartment in Manhattan in New York City. One of my stepdaughters lives in a suburb, but she sleeps over whenever she goes out with her friends and misses the train back home. She rarely comes prepared to stay the night. I leave for work before she wakes up, but I suspect she has been stealing my clothing. I don't want her to think I'm an evil stepmother, but I want to know who has been helping herself to my wardrobe. I wouldn't worry about an occasional shirt, but I have found I am missing pants, socks -- even underwear! How can I confront my stepdaughter? -- Sticky Fingers, New York City

DEAR STICKY FINGERS: Why not adopt a more positive attitude? Instead of believing that your stepdaughter "stole" your wardrobe items, consider that she "borrowed" them without asking. In this way, it is easier and pretty simple to ask for them back. Tell her that you have noticed that after her visits, a few of your wardrobe items have gone missing. You can be jovial as you ask her about them. For example, you can ask if she likes your style. Or you can be more sober and point out that you realize that often when she visits, she has been unprepared and you are glad you had some items she could borrow, but you need them back now. You could also make a general statement to her about being happy to help her have a place to lay her head on her late nights in the city, but you aren't thrilled about your wardrobe depletion. Ask her to bring back your clothing, accessories and underwear, and invite her to use a corner of an available closet to house some of her things for future moments when she spends the night.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine has hit a financial hard time. She moved out of her huge house in the suburbs to somewhere a little farther away. She won't tell me where she lives now, but I assume it is fairly close because she is still able to make social gatherings.

The suspense is killing me. If she had just told me where she moved, I wouldn't be this curious. Now I feel like it is a mystery I need to solve. I've asked her more times than I can count. I've had to move because of my finances as well; it is nothing to be ashamed of. Why can't she just tell me where she has gone? -- No Housewarming Party, Pikesville, Maryland

DEAR NO HOUSEWARMING PARTY: You won't want to hear this, but where your friend lives really is none of your business. Everybody deals with hard times differently, and you have no idea what her life's circumstances are right now. Rather than badgering her about that, make her feel comfortable, just as you would appreciate. When you see each other, spend quality time together. Stop sleuthing to learn what she obviously does not want to share publicly right now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)