DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in an apartment in Manhattan in New York City. One of my stepdaughters lives in a suburb, but she sleeps over whenever she goes out with her friends and misses the train back home. She rarely comes prepared to stay the night. I leave for work before she wakes up, but I suspect she has been stealing my clothing. I don't want her to think I'm an evil stepmother, but I want to know who has been helping herself to my wardrobe. I wouldn't worry about an occasional shirt, but I have found I am missing pants, socks -- even underwear! How can I confront my stepdaughter? -- Sticky Fingers, New York City

DEAR STICKY FINGERS: Why not adopt a more positive attitude? Instead of believing that your stepdaughter "stole" your wardrobe items, consider that she "borrowed" them without asking. In this way, it is easier and pretty simple to ask for them back. Tell her that you have noticed that after her visits, a few of your wardrobe items have gone missing. You can be jovial as you ask her about them. For example, you can ask if she likes your style. Or you can be more sober and point out that you realize that often when she visits, she has been unprepared and you are glad you had some items she could borrow, but you need them back now. You could also make a general statement to her about being happy to help her have a place to lay her head on her late nights in the city, but you aren't thrilled about your wardrobe depletion. Ask her to bring back your clothing, accessories and underwear, and invite her to use a corner of an available closet to house some of her things for future moments when she spends the night.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine has hit a financial hard time. She moved out of her huge house in the suburbs to somewhere a little farther away. She won't tell me where she lives now, but I assume it is fairly close because she is still able to make social gatherings.

The suspense is killing me. If she had just told me where she moved, I wouldn't be this curious. Now I feel like it is a mystery I need to solve. I've asked her more times than I can count. I've had to move because of my finances as well; it is nothing to be ashamed of. Why can't she just tell me where she has gone? -- No Housewarming Party, Pikesville, Maryland

DEAR NO HOUSEWARMING PARTY: You won't want to hear this, but where your friend lives really is none of your business. Everybody deals with hard times differently, and you have no idea what her life's circumstances are right now. Rather than badgering her about that, make her feel comfortable, just as you would appreciate. When you see each other, spend quality time together. Stop sleuthing to learn what she obviously does not want to share publicly right now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I took my friend to my favorite pizza joint in my town. I have been going there for 10 years, so I know the owners and employees personally. When we ordered, my friend insisted on receiving a free water with his two slices of pizza. The slices themselves are huge, and two slices and a bottle of water cost $5. It's not like this business is asking you to break the bank. They don't even have cups, so everything comes in a bottle or can. This started an argument about my friend's rights as a restaurant patron. I was mortified.

A day has passed since this incident, and I refuse to lose the bond I've formed at this restaurant over my buddy having a tantrum. Should I go in and apologize to the owners? -- A Slice of Wrong, South Orange, New Jersey

DEAR A SLICE OF WRONG: Yes, you should apologize to the restaurant management and server about your friend's poor behavior. Explain that you thought you were bringing a good friend to your favorite spot, but it backfired. Assure the establishment that you remain a loyal customer.

As far as your friend goes, contact him immediately as well. Let him know that you do not appreciate his argumentative attitude with the restaurant. Remind him that you took him to your favorite spot. That should have been a cue for him to be on his best behavior. Tell him how upsetting and unexpected his reaction was for you. Don't ask him to do anything, though. His (likely shallow) apology could open a wound that is beginning to heal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a university student, so every semester is a treasure hunt to find the most affordable version of the textbook. This semester, I landed a great bargain on a business textbook and was proud of myself. When I got to class, the professor told us we should have purchased a new book or an e-book to receive the online access code. Now I'm mad because I have to shell out another $125 for a code -- just so I can do my homework! I want to avoid this happening to me again, but don't know if it is a wise move to bother professors on their breaks between semesters. Should I risk being the nagging student to save some cash? -- Save That Money, Baltimore

DEAR SAVE THAT MONEY: You should absolutely write to your instructors as soon as you receive your class lists and introduce yourself. In your introduction, express your eagerness to learn in the professor's class, and also acknowledge that you hunt for affordable books each semester. Ask if there are any special requirements for the text, including needing an online access code, so that you are fully prepared when classes begin -- and so that you haven't wasted money.

In your note, let your instructor know that you realize he or she may still be on summer break, and if so, you did not mean to intrude. You just want to do all you can in advance to be prepared for the semester. Your instructor will most likely appreciate your effort!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always been a "mommy's boy." I am turning 27 this year, and I thought it was finally time to give my mother her credit card back. This card has become of a symbol between us. I barely use it anymore, and I thought it would be a great way to show my mother that I can be independent. However, when the time came to give it back, she bawled and accused me of cutting her out of my life. This was not the reaction I was expecting. I thought she'd be proud that she had raised a son who can support himself. I ended up taking the credit card back with me because she left it on the table when she left the room crying. How can I let go of this safety net? I clearly didn't do it right the first time. -- Out of the Cradle, Washington, D.C.

DEAR OUT OF THE CRADLE: Welcome to this new phase of your life. Parents and adult children often go through twists and turns as they figure out how to be adults together. You do not need to relinquish that card. Shutting it down would likely impact your credit negatively. Instead, you can just stop using it. Put it in a drawer, and let it be. Or if you do decide to use it, pay the bill yourself, or set aside the amount that you owe and at the end of the year do something nice for your parents with that money.

Meanwhile, assure your parents that you had no intention of insulting them. Instead, you want them to see that they have done a great job of rearing a responsible young man, and that's all you wanted them to know.

DEAR HARRIETTE: After being laid off from my job, I thought I'd try to get into the cannabis industry. It appears to be booming, and I feel like there are still unturned stones there that could make a bunch of money. I spoke to a senior mentor from my old job, and his strong opposition to my business venture scared me straight. He explained that cannabis is still considered a drug just like cocaine or heroin in the United States. He told me the Drug Enforcement Administration would try to lock me up. I thought I had a revolutionary business model until this lunch. I have all of my money invested in my product and no job. I think I should just take a leap of faith. -- Cannabis Calling, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR CANNABIS CALLING: While your friend is somewhat right in that the federal government has yet to legalize the use or sale of marijuana nationally, there are many opportunities to enter this business, and many entrepreneurs are doing the research right now to determine how they can fit in.

As with any other business venture, you must do your research thoroughly. This includes learning what legal constraints exist and what relationship you can expect with the DEA. Don't give up until you have exhausted your research. One place to start is theweedbusiness.com. You should also contact medical marijuana sellers and businesses in the states where the sale of marijuana is legal to get more input.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)