life

Friend's Tantrum Mortifies Reader

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 12th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I took my friend to my favorite pizza joint in my town. I have been going there for 10 years, so I know the owners and employees personally. When we ordered, my friend insisted on receiving a free water with his two slices of pizza. The slices themselves are huge, and two slices and a bottle of water cost $5. It's not like this business is asking you to break the bank. They don't even have cups, so everything comes in a bottle or can. This started an argument about my friend's rights as a restaurant patron. I was mortified.

A day has passed since this incident, and I refuse to lose the bond I've formed at this restaurant over my buddy having a tantrum. Should I go in and apologize to the owners? -- A Slice of Wrong, South Orange, New Jersey

DEAR A SLICE OF WRONG: Yes, you should apologize to the restaurant management and server about your friend's poor behavior. Explain that you thought you were bringing a good friend to your favorite spot, but it backfired. Assure the establishment that you remain a loyal customer.

As far as your friend goes, contact him immediately as well. Let him know that you do not appreciate his argumentative attitude with the restaurant. Remind him that you took him to your favorite spot. That should have been a cue for him to be on his best behavior. Tell him how upsetting and unexpected his reaction was for you. Don't ask him to do anything, though. His (likely shallow) apology could open a wound that is beginning to heal.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 12, 2016

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 12th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a university student, so every semester is a treasure hunt to find the most affordable version of the textbook. This semester, I landed a great bargain on a business textbook and was proud of myself. When I got to class, the professor told us we should have purchased a new book or an e-book to receive the online access code. Now I'm mad because I have to shell out another $125 for a code -- just so I can do my homework! I want to avoid this happening to me again, but don't know if it is a wise move to bother professors on their breaks between semesters. Should I risk being the nagging student to save some cash? -- Save That Money, Baltimore

DEAR SAVE THAT MONEY: You should absolutely write to your instructors as soon as you receive your class lists and introduce yourself. In your introduction, express your eagerness to learn in the professor's class, and also acknowledge that you hunt for affordable books each semester. Ask if there are any special requirements for the text, including needing an online access code, so that you are fully prepared when classes begin -- and so that you haven't wasted money.

In your note, let your instructor know that you realize he or she may still be on summer break, and if so, you did not mean to intrude. You just want to do all you can in advance to be prepared for the semester. Your instructor will most likely appreciate your effort!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Mother Overreacts to Son's Gesture

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 10th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always been a "mommy's boy." I am turning 27 this year, and I thought it was finally time to give my mother her credit card back. This card has become of a symbol between us. I barely use it anymore, and I thought it would be a great way to show my mother that I can be independent. However, when the time came to give it back, she bawled and accused me of cutting her out of my life. This was not the reaction I was expecting. I thought she'd be proud that she had raised a son who can support himself. I ended up taking the credit card back with me because she left it on the table when she left the room crying. How can I let go of this safety net? I clearly didn't do it right the first time. -- Out of the Cradle, Washington, D.C.

DEAR OUT OF THE CRADLE: Welcome to this new phase of your life. Parents and adult children often go through twists and turns as they figure out how to be adults together. You do not need to relinquish that card. Shutting it down would likely impact your credit negatively. Instead, you can just stop using it. Put it in a drawer, and let it be. Or if you do decide to use it, pay the bill yourself, or set aside the amount that you owe and at the end of the year do something nice for your parents with that money.

Meanwhile, assure your parents that you had no intention of insulting them. Instead, you want them to see that they have done a great job of rearing a responsible young man, and that's all you wanted them to know.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 10, 2016

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 10th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: After being laid off from my job, I thought I'd try to get into the cannabis industry. It appears to be booming, and I feel like there are still unturned stones there that could make a bunch of money. I spoke to a senior mentor from my old job, and his strong opposition to my business venture scared me straight. He explained that cannabis is still considered a drug just like cocaine or heroin in the United States. He told me the Drug Enforcement Administration would try to lock me up. I thought I had a revolutionary business model until this lunch. I have all of my money invested in my product and no job. I think I should just take a leap of faith. -- Cannabis Calling, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR CANNABIS CALLING: While your friend is somewhat right in that the federal government has yet to legalize the use or sale of marijuana nationally, there are many opportunities to enter this business, and many entrepreneurs are doing the research right now to determine how they can fit in.

As with any other business venture, you must do your research thoroughly. This includes learning what legal constraints exist and what relationship you can expect with the DEA. Don't give up until you have exhausted your research. One place to start is theweedbusiness.com. You should also contact medical marijuana sellers and businesses in the states where the sale of marijuana is legal to get more input.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Friend Puts Off Life Until He Loses Weight

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 9th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend "Michael" keeps putting everything off until he gets in better shape. When I say "everything," I mean it: vacations, activities, switching jobs, even leasing a new car. It has become almost comical how far Michael can stretch the notion that he needs to wait until he is in better shape to do something.

Recently, I snapped at my friend and told him that he either needs to change his physique or stop complaining and actually have a productive life. He hasn't spoken to me since. I don't want to apologize. I want Michael as a friend, but I think he needed this wake-up call. Is there anything I can do now? -- Snapped, Detroit

DEAR SNAPPED: Sometimes being a good friend means being the one who throws cold water in your face. That never feels good even if it is the best thing to happen in that moment. Rather than apologize, you may want to check in on your friend. Contact Michael and tell him you miss him. Ask him how he's doing, and tell him about your life. Invite him to do something with you. A simple check-in and invitation may coax him out of this space in his life where he seems to be stuck. It is worth a try.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for September 09, 2016

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | September 9th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My only daughter is getting married in a month, and my husband doesn't want to talk about this occasion at all. I have prodded him, which usually leads to him snapping at me. I can't tell if he is upset his little girl is getting married, doesn't like her fiance or doesn't think they've been together long enough. I want him to be honest with me. I am his wife, and this is one of the few times he's ever shut down on me. I want answers from him to see if he's just aching watching his daughter growing up, or secretly reaching a boiling point. -- Dead Silence, Milwaukee, Wisconsin

DEAR DEAD SILENCE: Check in with your daughter to see if the two of them have talked at all about the upcoming wedding. Encourage her to reach out to her dad to connect over the ceremony. Has she asked him to give her away? Perhaps an overture from her will break the ice on this uncomfortable moment.

As far as you are concerned, you can share your feelings about your daughter's upcoming wedding. Tell your husband the range of thoughts and feelings you are having, seeing your daughter grow up and take this huge step, recognizing that she is no longer a child, thinking about her future. Just talk and share your ideas in a calm manner. On occasion, ask him to chime in.

Before the wedding, ask him directly if he has any reason to think your daughter should not marry her fiance and if he is going to participate in the wedding. You need to know the basics in order to manage that day. The rest will reveal itself in time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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