DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend "Michael" keeps putting everything off until he gets in better shape. When I say "everything," I mean it: vacations, activities, switching jobs, even leasing a new car. It has become almost comical how far Michael can stretch the notion that he needs to wait until he is in better shape to do something.

Recently, I snapped at my friend and told him that he either needs to change his physique or stop complaining and actually have a productive life. He hasn't spoken to me since. I don't want to apologize. I want Michael as a friend, but I think he needed this wake-up call. Is there anything I can do now? -- Snapped, Detroit

DEAR SNAPPED: Sometimes being a good friend means being the one who throws cold water in your face. That never feels good even if it is the best thing to happen in that moment. Rather than apologize, you may want to check in on your friend. Contact Michael and tell him you miss him. Ask him how he's doing, and tell him about your life. Invite him to do something with you. A simple check-in and invitation may coax him out of this space in his life where he seems to be stuck. It is worth a try.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My only daughter is getting married in a month, and my husband doesn't want to talk about this occasion at all. I have prodded him, which usually leads to him snapping at me. I can't tell if he is upset his little girl is getting married, doesn't like her fiance or doesn't think they've been together long enough. I want him to be honest with me. I am his wife, and this is one of the few times he's ever shut down on me. I want answers from him to see if he's just aching watching his daughter growing up, or secretly reaching a boiling point. -- Dead Silence, Milwaukee, Wisconsin

DEAR DEAD SILENCE: Check in with your daughter to see if the two of them have talked at all about the upcoming wedding. Encourage her to reach out to her dad to connect over the ceremony. Has she asked him to give her away? Perhaps an overture from her will break the ice on this uncomfortable moment.

As far as you are concerned, you can share your feelings about your daughter's upcoming wedding. Tell your husband the range of thoughts and feelings you are having, seeing your daughter grow up and take this huge step, recognizing that she is no longer a child, thinking about her future. Just talk and share your ideas in a calm manner. On occasion, ask him to chime in.

Before the wedding, ask him directly if he has any reason to think your daughter should not marry her fiance and if he is going to participate in the wedding. You need to know the basics in order to manage that day. The rest will reveal itself in time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: As a child, I fell into a strange habit: I always have to wash my feet before I go to bed. I hate putting dirty feet in my bed (where I like to feel clean), so I have gone to ridiculous lengths to covertly wash my feet, especially because no one else thinks this is a big deal. I have washed my feet in sinks, with hand wipes and even using an outdoor hose. I will be going abroad on a World Wide Opportunities in Organic Farming program that has limited showers and water. I don't want my weird habit to inconvenience my trip, but I can't fall asleep if my feet are dirty -- it gives me goose bumps just thinking about it. How can I manage my secret habit in a totally foreign land? -- Clean Toes, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR CLEAN TOES: Your secret practice is not that strange. In many parts of the world, it is considered an absolute requirement to take off your shoes before you enter a home so that you don't bring dirt from the road into the home. Same goes for entering sacred spaces. Your philosophy of not putting your dirty feet into your bed makes perfect sense.

Rather than hiding your habit as if there is anything wrong with it, just do it. With limited water, you may want to take extra wipes with you that you can use to wipe off your feet. You can even find wipes with soap in them, which will help to clean your feet more efficiently.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When visiting my daughter a few states over, the topic of grandchildren came up. She told me we needed to talk, sat me down and explained to me that she never plans on having children. My daughter has medical conditions that could be passed down to offspring, but that is not guaranteed.

I am devastated, and I told her that she should still try to have children -- it isn't too late for her. She got upset with me for not listening to her, and she accused me of caring more about being a grandmother than her wishes. I am thinking of how to bring up adoption to my daughter without stepping on her toes further. -- Want to Be a Safta, Denver

DEAR WANT TO BE A SAFTA: Your first job is to apologize to your daughter and admit that your desire to be a grandmother clouded your ability to listen to her fully. Go back to her and ask her to tell you about her concerns again. Your daughter is dealing with the realization that either she can't or won't have a child -- it's possible that her doctor advised her against giving birth. Let her know that you want to support her in any way that you can. Become a good listener. Hear where her head is now. She may not be capable of considering adoption until far into the future, if ever. If you notice a moment that feels comfortable enough to bring up adoption, do so gingerly, but no time soon. Like your daughter, you may have to accept that children are not part of your future.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I planned to meet up with my perpetually late family at a trendy new restaurant. I secretly moved the reservation time an hour later because I knew they would be late. After I showed up for the 7 p.m. reservation, I waited another 30 minutes for any of them to arrive. It was so embarrassing for me that the hostess came up to me to essentially ask if I was being stood up.

We enjoyed dinner once everyone showed up, but there weren't any apologies issued to me, just some grumbles about work. To their knowledge, I had been waiting an hour and a half. My blood nearly boiled. I knew everyone had been late in the past, but I expected them to change this time. I am about to go out of town for a while, and everyone wants to meet one last time. I'm refusing. -- Nearly Stood Up, Baltimore

DEAR NEARLY STOOD UP: Rather than simply not coming, request that the dynamics of the gathering be changed. Ask a family member to host something at home that you can attend. Tell them all that you do not want to meet at a public place because you are no longer willing to wait and be embarrassed because they never make it on time. Tell the host that you will stay for an hour, and be specific about that time. Then, you can hang out with whoever is there and leave when you are ready. It is possible to control your life, even when others are unwilling to honor basic protocols of engagement.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Through the grapevine, I heard that an acquaintance's boyfriend has been unfaithful to her. This is not hearsay, considering I have received a video of him with the other woman. I am closer with him than I am with the girlfriend, and I do not approve of his scumbag actions. I talked this over with my boyfriend, and he thinks I should contact the boyfriend to let him know I have the video, while I think I should go straight to the girlfriend. I would want to be told if my partner were unfaithful, and there is damning evidence that he messed up. Should I go to the girlfriend or the boyfriend? -- Liar, Liar, Las Vegas

DEAR LIAR, LIAR: Rarely does it work out well for the messenger in situations like this, even when you have obvious evidence. I concur with your boyfriend, especially since you know the perpetrator better. Get in contact with him -- face-to-face if possible. Tell the guy that you have seen a video of him with another woman, and you are very upset. Admit that while his intimate life is none of your concern, you are friends with him and know his girlfriend, so you are in an awkward position. Point out to him that since a video is making the rounds, he had better handle his business. It is only a matter of time before she finds out. Stay out of it after that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)