DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage son, "Jack," has his mind set on asking a girl he likes to his homecoming dance. He is planning an elaborate scavenger hunt that ends with him surrounded by balloons and a poster. Jack has been working on this with his friends, and I overheard them mention the possibility of her declining. Apparently a boy on the football team wants to ask this girl as well.

I don't want to let Jack know I was eavesdropping, but I know I would be crushed and embarrassed if I went through all of this work just to have a girl reject me for the quarterback. Should I tell him to set his sights on another girl or let this possible disaster run its course? -- First Cut Is the Deepest, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR FIRST CUT IS THE DEEPEST: You should not dash your son's hopes. What you should do is encourage him to make his invitation as soon as possible. Without giving away what you overheard, you can point out that as wonderful as his plan is, it would be awful if he were too late to get the girl.

Prepare yourself to comfort him should he be rejected, but don't give up hope. If this girl also likes him, she may be blown away by his thoughtfulness and pick him even though the jock is also interested. Timing is essential here. Jack stands the best chance of a sustained yes if he gets to her first!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was scrolling through my online banking statement, and I saw a charge for $100 from a tattoo parlor in Rhode Island. My daughter is visiting her friends there, so I knew immediately who the culprit was. I called her, and she told me she got an homage to her best friend on her wrist.

I cannot believe my daughter got a tattoo with my money. She knows I am very disapproving of any ink. I don't know where to go from here. She is in college (which I pay for) and doesn't have a job, so she uses my credit card. My daughter didn't lie about the tattoo, and I can't legally force her to get it removed. I don't think she cares about my stance on tattoos or realizes how disrespectful it is to use my money for it. -- At My Wit's End, Winston-Salem, North Carolina

DEAR AT MY WIT'S END: It's time for a review of how your daughter can use the money you give her. Remind her of how much you disapprove of tattoos. Thank her for telling you the truth about her tattoo, and then make it clear to her that you do not appreciate that she used your card to pay for it. Point out that as she is growing up, she needs to be mindful of her choices and how she funds them.

While you clearly cannot control what your daughter does, you can let her know that if she makes another choice that she knows you will not approve of, she had better not fund it with your money or there will be consequences: She will have to reimburse you, or you will cut off her stream of income.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My car broke down last week. I had been on the fence about buying myself a new one, so I decided to go through with it. I have to wait two weeks before the car is detailed and ready, so I figured I would have my housekeeper drive me around in her car.

It's been a few days now, and we've been spending so much time together. At first I was excited to get to know her better, but now she is curt with me. I pay her for the hours she is driving me to appointments, dates and shopping. I want to ask her what's wrong, but feel like I might be prying into her life. I know I wouldn't want my employer asking me personal questions. How can I get her to be kinder to me without breaking the boundary between employer and employee? -- Chauffeur Woes, Cincinnati

DEAR CHAUFFEUR WOES: Next time you get into the car with your housekeeper, begin the conversation by thanking her for helping you out during this transition time while you are waiting for your car. Then pivot to your direct question. Tell her that you have noticed that she seems to be upset about something. Ask her if you have done anything to offend her. Listen carefully to her response. There is a chance her change of mood is because of you. If not, ask her if she would like to talk about what's on her mind and if you can be of help.

If she shares aspects of her personal life, you can react to her story carefully without prying too much. Also, be mindful not to bring up her personal business again. Let her do so if she chooses. If you can't figure out what the problem is, let her know that the reason you are asking is because you have noticed that she seems to be irritated about something, and it makes you uncomfortable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: As I was cleaning my 10-year-old son's room, I saw his laptop on his bed. Out of curiosity, I opened it before placing it on his desk. The screen lit up, and the last things searched were naked photos of women. I almost jumped out of my skin. I had no idea children so young were using the internet like this.

My parents never hovered over me, and I turned out fine, but I think I want to talk to my son about this. I definitely want to set up parental controls. I want him to feel comfortable and not like I am punishing him or accusing him of wrongdoing. He is my oldest, so I'm not sure how to casually start the conversation. -- Parental Controls ASAP, La Jolla, California

DEAR PARENTAL CONTROLS ASAP: Immediately apply parental controls so that your son's access to pornographic websites is restricted. And definitely talk to him. Be honest. Explain what you happened to see when you were cleaning his room. Tell him that you do not think it's appropriate for him to be looking at these pictures. Point out that you know he's growing up and is clearly interested in girls, but that you hope that he can direct his interests toward real girls, not naked images of them.

Attempt over time to get your son to talk to you about his interests. If there is a male figure in his life, ask that man to begin a dialogue about sexuality with your son as well.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother is a newly published author. I am so proud of him and his success; he's wanted this since he was a teenager. In an effort to support my brother and get the word out about his book, I purchased 20 or so copies, which I give out to friends, family and the occasional stranger. I have dropped it off at independent bookstores and given out the book as a gift.

My brother emailed me yesterday, and instead of being grateful, he told me I was embarrassing him! I've launched my own small business, and I know it takes grit and networking to be successful. I don't want to steamroll him on his first published book, but he needs to get proactive about being successful! -- Big Dreams, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR BIG DREAMS: As an author myself, I thank you for your proactive efforts! You are right that it takes a lot to promote a book. Indeed, it requires a completely different mindset to sell something that you wrote.

That said, you cannot force your brother to do anything. You can apologize to him for whatever embarrassment you may have inadvertently caused as you explain to him that in order to be successful, he has to get proactive. Agree to back off as you also encourage him to pick up the baton.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a secret social media account that people I know personally don't know about. It's an online persona and a great escape for me. Sometimes I just don't want to talk to people, or I want to post my feelings without friends reaching out to me about it.

Recently, an acquaintance from high school followed my account. I don't post my name or pictures of myself, but I am paranoid that they somehow found out I am behind this account. Is there any way for me to get to the bottom of this without outing myself? I would be mortified if someone knew my private thoughts. -- Anonymous Blogger, Dallas

DEAR ANONYMOUS BLOGGER: I hate to tell you this, but there really is no such thing as being anonymous on social media. You may feel like you are invisible for a short time, but it is too easy for someone to research and figure out who you are. If you do not want anyone to know your true feelings about a particular topic, you should keep those feelings to yourself.

I know too many stories of people being exposed at the most inopportune times because they mistakenly believed they could never been discovered. Consider this high school friend's interest in your secret account as a gift. Whether the person knows it is you or not, this is proof that you can be found out by your acquaintances. Your secrets are only safe if you keep them to yourself -- completely.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)