DEAR HARRIETTE: My car broke down last week. I had been on the fence about buying myself a new one, so I decided to go through with it. I have to wait two weeks before the car is detailed and ready, so I figured I would have my housekeeper drive me around in her car.

It's been a few days now, and we've been spending so much time together. At first I was excited to get to know her better, but now she is curt with me. I pay her for the hours she is driving me to appointments, dates and shopping. I want to ask her what's wrong, but feel like I might be prying into her life. I know I wouldn't want my employer asking me personal questions. How can I get her to be kinder to me without breaking the boundary between employer and employee? -- Chauffeur Woes, Cincinnati

DEAR CHAUFFEUR WOES: Next time you get into the car with your housekeeper, begin the conversation by thanking her for helping you out during this transition time while you are waiting for your car. Then pivot to your direct question. Tell her that you have noticed that she seems to be upset about something. Ask her if you have done anything to offend her. Listen carefully to her response. There is a chance her change of mood is because of you. If not, ask her if she would like to talk about what's on her mind and if you can be of help.

If she shares aspects of her personal life, you can react to her story carefully without prying too much. Also, be mindful not to bring up her personal business again. Let her do so if she chooses. If you can't figure out what the problem is, let her know that the reason you are asking is because you have noticed that she seems to be irritated about something, and it makes you uncomfortable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: As I was cleaning my 10-year-old son's room, I saw his laptop on his bed. Out of curiosity, I opened it before placing it on his desk. The screen lit up, and the last things searched were naked photos of women. I almost jumped out of my skin. I had no idea children so young were using the internet like this.

My parents never hovered over me, and I turned out fine, but I think I want to talk to my son about this. I definitely want to set up parental controls. I want him to feel comfortable and not like I am punishing him or accusing him of wrongdoing. He is my oldest, so I'm not sure how to casually start the conversation. -- Parental Controls ASAP, La Jolla, California

DEAR PARENTAL CONTROLS ASAP: Immediately apply parental controls so that your son's access to pornographic websites is restricted. And definitely talk to him. Be honest. Explain what you happened to see when you were cleaning his room. Tell him that you do not think it's appropriate for him to be looking at these pictures. Point out that you know he's growing up and is clearly interested in girls, but that you hope that he can direct his interests toward real girls, not naked images of them.

Attempt over time to get your son to talk to you about his interests. If there is a male figure in his life, ask that man to begin a dialogue about sexuality with your son as well.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother is a newly published author. I am so proud of him and his success; he's wanted this since he was a teenager. In an effort to support my brother and get the word out about his book, I purchased 20 or so copies, which I give out to friends, family and the occasional stranger. I have dropped it off at independent bookstores and given out the book as a gift.

My brother emailed me yesterday, and instead of being grateful, he told me I was embarrassing him! I've launched my own small business, and I know it takes grit and networking to be successful. I don't want to steamroll him on his first published book, but he needs to get proactive about being successful! -- Big Dreams, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR BIG DREAMS: As an author myself, I thank you for your proactive efforts! You are right that it takes a lot to promote a book. Indeed, it requires a completely different mindset to sell something that you wrote.

That said, you cannot force your brother to do anything. You can apologize to him for whatever embarrassment you may have inadvertently caused as you explain to him that in order to be successful, he has to get proactive. Agree to back off as you also encourage him to pick up the baton.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a secret social media account that people I know personally don't know about. It's an online persona and a great escape for me. Sometimes I just don't want to talk to people, or I want to post my feelings without friends reaching out to me about it.

Recently, an acquaintance from high school followed my account. I don't post my name or pictures of myself, but I am paranoid that they somehow found out I am behind this account. Is there any way for me to get to the bottom of this without outing myself? I would be mortified if someone knew my private thoughts. -- Anonymous Blogger, Dallas

DEAR ANONYMOUS BLOGGER: I hate to tell you this, but there really is no such thing as being anonymous on social media. You may feel like you are invisible for a short time, but it is too easy for someone to research and figure out who you are. If you do not want anyone to know your true feelings about a particular topic, you should keep those feelings to yourself.

I know too many stories of people being exposed at the most inopportune times because they mistakenly believed they could never been discovered. Consider this high school friend's interest in your secret account as a gift. Whether the person knows it is you or not, this is proof that you can be found out by your acquaintances. Your secrets are only safe if you keep them to yourself -- completely.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My home has been overtaken by the stench from my husband's ratty workout sneakers. He has had these sneakers since college, and he refuses to get rid of them. It's disgusting, and all of my pleas to put them in a box or gym bag have been ignored. I have tried plugins, scented candles and air fresheners, but years of stench have overpowered the house.

I think my husband has such a strong connection to his old workout clothing from college because he secretly hopes it'll help him get back to the shape he was in. I don't want to stage an intervention over smelly sneakers, but I do want to get past this phase of coming home to a reeking house. -- Stinky Sneaks, Bowie, Maryland

DEAR STINKY SNEAKS: Put the sneakers in the wash with strong detergent and bleach. Do not put anything else in with them unless you have other smelly workout clothes that match the sneakers. This should clean them and also rid them of odor. There is an outside chance that you will need to wash them more than once. The sneakers will get cleaner and may show a little more wear because of the washing machine, but ultimately you may reach a compromise.

Beware: Your husband may not be happy, but you can point out that at least you didn't throw them away!

DEAR HARRIETTE: Upon my aunt's death, I received her cat to take care of. She loved Tiger, and I was the most willing to promise that I would look after him when she passed. Now that I have Tiger in my home, he keeps running away! He is overweight, diabetic and 14 years old -- not the recipe for an outdoor cat.

He runs away at every opportunity and has learned to open screen doors. I don't have the time or energy to chase this cat for hours every day. I keep Tiger because I wouldn't want to disrespect my aunt and her wishes, but he is too much of a handful. What can I do with this cat to make everyone happy? My husband and children are indifferent. -- Fat Cat, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR FAT CAT: Your aunt's cat might be escaping because he is looking for your aunt. Since they were together for years, he may be mourning her. Or he may be out of sorts because he is in a new home with new people.

Consider investing in an alarm collar for the cat to wear that will let you know his whereabouts when he runs off. As you may know, cats tend to be aloof, so it is not unusual for the cat to wander off. The challenges that you face include his potentially getting lost and sick. If you have to administer medicines regularly, this could be dangerous if you cannot find the cat.

If you feel that Tiger's health and safety are in jeopardy, you may want to consider giving him up for adoption. You may be able to find a family who would have the time and patience to give an aging cat the love and attention that he needs.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)