DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother is a newly published author. I am so proud of him and his success; he's wanted this since he was a teenager. In an effort to support my brother and get the word out about his book, I purchased 20 or so copies, which I give out to friends, family and the occasional stranger. I have dropped it off at independent bookstores and given out the book as a gift.

My brother emailed me yesterday, and instead of being grateful, he told me I was embarrassing him! I've launched my own small business, and I know it takes grit and networking to be successful. I don't want to steamroll him on his first published book, but he needs to get proactive about being successful! -- Big Dreams, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR BIG DREAMS: As an author myself, I thank you for your proactive efforts! You are right that it takes a lot to promote a book. Indeed, it requires a completely different mindset to sell something that you wrote.

That said, you cannot force your brother to do anything. You can apologize to him for whatever embarrassment you may have inadvertently caused as you explain to him that in order to be successful, he has to get proactive. Agree to back off as you also encourage him to pick up the baton.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a secret social media account that people I know personally don't know about. It's an online persona and a great escape for me. Sometimes I just don't want to talk to people, or I want to post my feelings without friends reaching out to me about it.

Recently, an acquaintance from high school followed my account. I don't post my name or pictures of myself, but I am paranoid that they somehow found out I am behind this account. Is there any way for me to get to the bottom of this without outing myself? I would be mortified if someone knew my private thoughts. -- Anonymous Blogger, Dallas

DEAR ANONYMOUS BLOGGER: I hate to tell you this, but there really is no such thing as being anonymous on social media. You may feel like you are invisible for a short time, but it is too easy for someone to research and figure out who you are. If you do not want anyone to know your true feelings about a particular topic, you should keep those feelings to yourself.

I know too many stories of people being exposed at the most inopportune times because they mistakenly believed they could never been discovered. Consider this high school friend's interest in your secret account as a gift. Whether the person knows it is you or not, this is proof that you can be found out by your acquaintances. Your secrets are only safe if you keep them to yourself -- completely.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My home has been overtaken by the stench from my husband's ratty workout sneakers. He has had these sneakers since college, and he refuses to get rid of them. It's disgusting, and all of my pleas to put them in a box or gym bag have been ignored. I have tried plugins, scented candles and air fresheners, but years of stench have overpowered the house.

I think my husband has such a strong connection to his old workout clothing from college because he secretly hopes it'll help him get back to the shape he was in. I don't want to stage an intervention over smelly sneakers, but I do want to get past this phase of coming home to a reeking house. -- Stinky Sneaks, Bowie, Maryland

DEAR STINKY SNEAKS: Put the sneakers in the wash with strong detergent and bleach. Do not put anything else in with them unless you have other smelly workout clothes that match the sneakers. This should clean them and also rid them of odor. There is an outside chance that you will need to wash them more than once. The sneakers will get cleaner and may show a little more wear because of the washing machine, but ultimately you may reach a compromise.

Beware: Your husband may not be happy, but you can point out that at least you didn't throw them away!

DEAR HARRIETTE: Upon my aunt's death, I received her cat to take care of. She loved Tiger, and I was the most willing to promise that I would look after him when she passed. Now that I have Tiger in my home, he keeps running away! He is overweight, diabetic and 14 years old -- not the recipe for an outdoor cat.

He runs away at every opportunity and has learned to open screen doors. I don't have the time or energy to chase this cat for hours every day. I keep Tiger because I wouldn't want to disrespect my aunt and her wishes, but he is too much of a handful. What can I do with this cat to make everyone happy? My husband and children are indifferent. -- Fat Cat, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR FAT CAT: Your aunt's cat might be escaping because he is looking for your aunt. Since they were together for years, he may be mourning her. Or he may be out of sorts because he is in a new home with new people.

Consider investing in an alarm collar for the cat to wear that will let you know his whereabouts when he runs off. As you may know, cats tend to be aloof, so it is not unusual for the cat to wander off. The challenges that you face include his potentially getting lost and sick. If you have to administer medicines regularly, this could be dangerous if you cannot find the cat.

If you feel that Tiger's health and safety are in jeopardy, you may want to consider giving him up for adoption. You may be able to find a family who would have the time and patience to give an aging cat the love and attention that he needs.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always felt insecure about my nose. I saved up enough money to have my nose made smaller and straighter. My parents definitely weren't supportive of me changing the nose that my heritage gave me. After going through with the surgery, I like my nose even less. The issue now is, I used all of my plastic surgery money on this first correction.

I asked my parents for a loan to have a second surgery, and they denied me. I want them to support my self-confidence, and I need to change my nose again to be happy. I want to get my nose done again, but the process of saving up took me years. -- The Nose Knows, Boston

DEAR THE NOSE KNOWS: Sadly, your parents were right in this situation. And I'm surprised your doctor didn't require you to have counseling before you went under the knife. While plastic surgery can be incredibly useful, what it often is not good for is boosting self-esteem if there is a significant challenge already there. This is because self-esteem issues exist in your heart and soul even if you believe they manifest through your exterior.

I am not saying, by the way, that you might benefit from an additional corrective surgery. I am saying that your parents' refusal to advance you money for this surgery does not mean that they are not supporting your self-confidence. You may benefit more directly by working with a therapist for a bit, to see if you can tackle any issues lingering beneath the surface. Then, whether you ever get your nose altered again will be less important because you will have dealt with the bigger issues involved. Check to see if your insurance may cover it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been beating myself up because I haven't had my kids do any of the summer homework they were assigned to do. School is starting up in a few weeks, and motivating my children is next to impossible now. I have been debating hiring a tutor to force them to do the work, but I don't know if my children will react negatively. How do I motivate them to stick their noses in the books and not in the pool? -- Bad Mom, Palm Springs, California

DEAR BAD MOM: In these last few days or weeks before school, do all that you can to get your children to focus. Be like a drill sergeant. Plan out the day and let your children know what you expect of them. Break down each hour into tasks that include specific homework assignments and play time. If they do not complete the homework, take away privileges such as TV, cellphone, video games, visits with friends, etc.

If you believe a tutor will help support the quality and completion of their work, by all means hire one. Now is not the time to worry about how your children will react. Instead, coach them to smart actions by reminding them that school is right around the corner and that they want to be ready to do a good job in their classes.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)