DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always felt insecure about my nose. I saved up enough money to have my nose made smaller and straighter. My parents definitely weren't supportive of me changing the nose that my heritage gave me. After going through with the surgery, I like my nose even less. The issue now is, I used all of my plastic surgery money on this first correction.

I asked my parents for a loan to have a second surgery, and they denied me. I want them to support my self-confidence, and I need to change my nose again to be happy. I want to get my nose done again, but the process of saving up took me years. -- The Nose Knows, Boston

DEAR THE NOSE KNOWS: Sadly, your parents were right in this situation. And I'm surprised your doctor didn't require you to have counseling before you went under the knife. While plastic surgery can be incredibly useful, what it often is not good for is boosting self-esteem if there is a significant challenge already there. This is because self-esteem issues exist in your heart and soul even if you believe they manifest through your exterior.

I am not saying, by the way, that you might benefit from an additional corrective surgery. I am saying that your parents' refusal to advance you money for this surgery does not mean that they are not supporting your self-confidence. You may benefit more directly by working with a therapist for a bit, to see if you can tackle any issues lingering beneath the surface. Then, whether you ever get your nose altered again will be less important because you will have dealt with the bigger issues involved. Check to see if your insurance may cover it!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been beating myself up because I haven't had my kids do any of the summer homework they were assigned to do. School is starting up in a few weeks, and motivating my children is next to impossible now. I have been debating hiring a tutor to force them to do the work, but I don't know if my children will react negatively. How do I motivate them to stick their noses in the books and not in the pool? -- Bad Mom, Palm Springs, California

DEAR BAD MOM: In these last few days or weeks before school, do all that you can to get your children to focus. Be like a drill sergeant. Plan out the day and let your children know what you expect of them. Break down each hour into tasks that include specific homework assignments and play time. If they do not complete the homework, take away privileges such as TV, cellphone, video games, visits with friends, etc.

If you believe a tutor will help support the quality and completion of their work, by all means hire one. Now is not the time to worry about how your children will react. Instead, coach them to smart actions by reminding them that school is right around the corner and that they want to be ready to do a good job in their classes.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My home has a mouse problem, so I set out glue traps to capture them. I heard that a mouse was trapped in the night, but forgot about it come morning. My preteen daughter, who has just taken a huge interest in animal rights, opened the drawer and saw the mouse. She was horrified and told me I was a monster for setting out the traps and waiting for the mice to starve to death. I feel bad, but I cannot have mice running rampant in the house. My daughter is upset with me, but I feel like there isn't another alternative for these vermin. -- Little Animal Advocate, Dallas

DEAR LITTLE ANIMAL ADVOCATE: This may be the perfect time for the two of you to do some research into animals. Of course, it makes sense that you should be kind to animals and respect them. At the same time, everyone -- human and animal alike -- must stake out his or her territory. In the natural cycle of life, animals mark their turf, and when others invade it or cross the line in one way or another, they have to pay. This sometimes can cost the creature's life.

You have the right to keep your home free from vermin and therefore safe for humans to inhabit. You also have a choice in terms of the means of eliminating pests. Glue traps do lead to slow deaths. The more traditional snap traps immediately kill the animals and are also reusable. Your daughter may be more affected by seeing a mouse with a broken neck, though. Another option is to get a cat. Typically, homes with cats rarely have mice or rats because the cats kill the vermin. Once the feline smell is detected, vermin choose other locations to call home.

DEAR HARRIETTE: While I was baby-sitting for a new family, the children told me that their mother doesn't let them eat much and forces them to exercise. It is obvious that the children are overweight, but I am not sure if the mother is acting on professional medical advice or her own beliefs on how children should look. The children complain about hunger because they don't want to eat "Mommy's gross food."

I have been on the fence about mentioning this information to the parents because they might feel I am overstepping my boundaries. I don't think they neglect their children; I just know I was chubby as a child and grew out of it naturally. I don't think it's necessary to force children into diets. -- Mom's the Personal Trainer, Toledo, Ohio

DEAR MOM'S THE PERSONAL TRAINER: One way to address this with the mother is to ask for advice on how to support the children's healthy living initiative that the mother has started. Inform her that the children have told you about the exercise routines and eating changes and admit that they are not enthusiastic about it. Ask if you can help to encourage them to adopt healthier habits.

Without advocating for a diet, you may be able to partner with the mother to encourage the children to move more and eat more healthfully. If they can see it as fun, they may begin to appreciate it.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: It is football season again, and I am about to lose my husband for about seven months because he watches football games five nights a week. This is a tough time for me; I am not big fan of the sport, and we got into huge arguments last year because I tried to schedule family events during the season. I do not want to relive last year's drama. As a non-fan of football, how do I pry my husband away from the television long enough to spend quality time with his wife? -- Not a Football Fan, Birmingham, Alabama

DEAR NOT A FOOTBALL FAN: Stop fighting with your husband over behavior that you know to be part of his M.O. Why? Because you will be fighting a losing battle. Instead, make an agreement with your husband that you will do something together on one or both of his free nights. I suggest one night because otherwise he will be tired and grumpy. Your date can be anything from being together at home with the TV off to going out with friends. If you are able to plan something easy and fun, you may find that you both will look forward to that during football season.

Additionally, you should schedule an activity for yourself during his busy nights. Is there a class you would like to take? A hobby that you never found time to pursue? Football season can become your season of exploration if you use the time wisely!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I suffer from depression. I set unrealistic goals for myself, and when they are not met, I beat myself up. I know this is not a good pattern to follow. How do I set realistic goals to help prevent future lapses of unhappiness? -- Trying to Keep a Smile on My Face, West Orange, New Jersey

DEAR TRYING TO KEEP A SMILE ON MY FACE: I caution you to be mindful of claiming depression unless you are sure that's what it is. What you know for sure is that you battle with managing your expectations and living with the aftermath of reaching too high.

One way to work on setting realistic goals is to write things down in an order. Start with the big dreams -- the ones that are the most epic. Then break those dreams down into manageable parts. Do your best to envision what the steps are that can lead to fulfilling each goal. Break it down until you have identified a timeline that leads to completion dates.

Begin to check off your list one item at a time. Over time, you will get closer to your big goals if you stay focused. What's more, you will be able to enjoy the journey better because you can celebrate little victories all along the way.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)