DEAR HARRIETTE: I agreed to look after my friend's cat while she goes on vacation. She took care of my dog a few years ago, so I figure I owe her one. After agreeing to cat-sitting and meeting the cat, I realized I am allergic to cats! I have never spent time around cats before, and when I left, I had the telltale signs of allergies: itchy eyes, runny nose and raspy throat. I can take allergy medication to deal with the cat, but she insists I keep it at my house! I read online that cat dander can take seven years to leave a home. Am I still obligated to cat-sit? I would feel crummy dropping out. -- Cat Sitter, Austin, Texas

DEAR CAT SITTER: If possible, you should still care for the cat; however, you do not have to bring the cat to your house. Tell your friend the truth. Explain that you did not know you were allergic to cats and figured it out when you met her cat. Offer a compromise: You will take medication so that you are able to be around the cat, but you cannot bring the cat into your home. Chances are great that the cat will make your home uninhabitable for you if you take care of it there.

If your friend insists, suggest that she ask someone else to watch her cat, or even put the cat in a boarding facility, where it will have company and be under constant supervision.

What you should not do is ignore your health and bring the cat in your home because your friend is pushing you. I have severe cat allergies and can tell you firsthand that the cost can easily be too great for your health.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In an effort to curb bad-mouthing other people, I express my thoughts in emails that I never send. My drafts folder is essentially my diary. While communicating with a co-worker, I recalled beginning a draft regarding a project we were working on. Without thinking, I opened my drafts folder, and my co-worker saw the beginning of a scathing email about her. I never sent this email, but now she knows it exists.

I want to apologize, but I don't know how to initiate this apology. I hope she doesn't spread this around the office. -- Dang Drafts Folder, Savannah, Georgia

DEAR DANG DRAFTS FOLDER: You should go directly to your co-worker and confess that you sometimes write out your frustrations, though you never send them. Apologize to her for the rant that she read. You cannot control what she does with that information, but it is the honorable thing to do.

As for your drafts folder, delete it immediately. In the future, reserve your rants for your home computer. And do not ever save them in a drafts folder. Another horrible mistake could occur if you ever pushed send inadvertently. Instead, keep a rants file on your home computer stored in a place completely separate from the internet.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a stay-at-home mom who just moved to a new town. In an effort to meet friends, I joined the PTA and went to a mid-summer meeting of the mothers. I was greeted by a friendly woman who took me under her wing. We went out to lunch the next day, and she was incredibly charming. Today, I got a text from one of the other mothers that said that "Christy" has hurt all of them and has no friends. That's why she was so immediately drawn to me. I was told to watch out. I think I befriended the wrong mom at the PTA meeting. I just want to make friends, but I feel like I was thrown into a soap opera! How do I untangle this mess and make friends? -- New Kid on the Block, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR NEW KID ON THE BLOCK: Proceed with caution. This includes taking your time getting to know everyone. You do not need to sever ties with Christy. Instead, slow down. You can continue to get to know her, but make time to meet the other mothers as well. You can connect with mothers one-on-one by your invitation and as they invite you to do things with them. Listen to what they have to say about Christy -- up to a point. You can also state clearly that she has been kind to you, and you appreciate that. Be your own gauge for whether you develop a friendship with her. Just know that if you do, that bond may have to exist outside of other friend groups that you cultivate.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I strongly believe one shouldn't drink alcohol to get drunk. I think drinking to the point of intoxication is immature, and you aren't respecting and savoring alcohol. I brew my own beer and have experimented with making my own hard liquor. I told my work friends about my views, and they made fun of me. They poke fun at me still, and I don't get invited out to happy hour anymore. What gives? I thought we were all mature adults. -- Connoisseur, Denver

DEAR CONNOISSEUR: Your friends likely think that you are being a hypocrite, given that you produce spirits, yet shun intoxication. As you probably know, whether intentional or not, many people get inebriated, at least on occasion, if they drink alcohol.

Your thoughts about drinking too much are judgmental, even if they do make sense to you and likely a slew of other people. Your friends probably do not invite you to happy hour because they don't want to feel that they are being judged when they want to relax and let loose. While you may all be mature adults, you have chosen to put your stake in the ground about others' drinking habits, and that makes some people uncomfortable.

One way to attempt to turn things around is to ask if you can join the group at the next happy hour, and offer to be the designated driver. This may give the group a laugh -- along with a practical way to include you in the mix. On your part, you will have to participate without sharing your opinions. Otherwise, it will backfire.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are overweight. I have tried fad diet after fad diet, to no avail. My husband has just given up on his physique and health.

We want our kids to be fit and not follow in our footsteps. We sign them up for sports and activity-laden camps, and we make them separate, healthier food for dinner. Recently, they've been questioning why they go to so many activities and eat well when "mommy and daddy don't." I tell them I'm not fit and young enough to keep up with them, but they seem disappointed in my answer. What else can I do? -- Don't Follow My Example, Rochester, New York

DEAR DON'T FOLLOW MY EXAMPLE: Your children are reflecting reality back at you. You cannot expect them to continue to push to do sports and eat well when their parents don't even make the effort. It is time for you and your husband to choose to do something to move your bodies. Easier than that is for you to sit at the table and eat the same foods that you feed your children. While you may not be young or fit enough to keep up with your kids, you cannot afford to give up, as that is a very unhealthy and unsafe message that you are sending your children.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife, "Tammy," has an adult son from a previous marriage. I think Tammy's son is a total deadweight to her. Tammy told me a few months ago that she lent her son $8,000 for him to move into his own home because he and his "baby mama" couldn't work things out. I was so angry and shocked at Tammy. I wanted to know when our bank account would be paid back, and she told me that when you lend money to family you shouldn't expect it back. After confronting my stepson, he told me he couldn't give me a date when he would be able to pay me back. I think this is cowardly. A grown man (he is almost 30) shouldn't need handouts from his mother.

How do I get my $8,000 back when neither my wife nor stepson are willing to work to get it back in the right bank account? -- Losing Battles, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR LOSING BATTLES: You are going to have to accept that you may never get that money back. That said, you can establish ground rules for the future. Let your wife know that you will not co-sign giving more money to her son and his family, because you do not think it is healthy for them. Offer to support them in other ways, including giving advice on becoming financially independent, if they are open to it.

Work with your wife on establishing boundaries for the health of the entire family. Make sure that you do not pose this in a way that is "us against them." You will not win if you even unconsciously attempt to alienate your wife from her son. Instead, work toward whole-family health, which includes agreeing on how to support adult children.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)