DEAR HARRIETTE: Last year, my husband promised me he would dial down at work to spend more time at home. He has missed most important milestones in our children's lives, but I think he can redeem himself by being present now. Although I had his word, he broke his promise and is at work even more than last year. He's missing our children grow up and laments this fact, but he also loves his job doing research in the medical field. I told him his job can wait because he will see his kids grow up only once. What else could I do to make him realize he's a ghost to our children? -- Workhorse, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR WORKHORSE: Rather than making a blanket plea to get your husband to show up or a blanket guilt trip to make him feel bad for his absences, take another tack. Identify specific activities that you want your husband to attend. Suggest them one by one so that the request is not overwhelming. Have your husband put each item on the calendar well in advance. Then remind him a couple of times as you get close to the event. Once your husband has shown up, thank him, but do not make a big deal of it. Instead, just sign him up for the next activity in the near future, and work to get him there. Over time, you may be able to change your husband's patterns without creating unnecessary discomfort.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have noticed my vision getting worse. I strain my eyes to see screens and road signs that are far away. I am scared of getting contacts because I know they have led to vision loss and even blindness. I have been trying natural remedies to better my eyes, but they're not as sharp as they used to be. Putting off the doctor only makes my family badger me more, but I am fearful that succumbing to contacts will make my vision worse or even leave me blind. What should I do? -- Two Eyes, Dallas

DEAR TWO EYES: First, know that getting an eye exam does not automatically mean that you will be fitted for contact lenses. It does mean that the health of your eyes will be evaluated, and you will receive a recommendation for your next steps. As one who has worn glasses since the fifth grade, I can assure you that contact lenses will not be your first recommendation.

If you are found to need a corrective prescription, the first choice will likely be for you to wear glasses. Many people need glasses only for particular visual challenges and otherwise can go glasses-free. Find out what your doctor recommends.

Also, please know that thousands of people wear contact lenses daily without any issues. When they are not worn according to the directions, not removed in a timely manner or not properly cleaned, you can run into risks. If you do decide to consider contact lenses, review the risks carefully with your doctor.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family doesn't agree with my career choice. I want more for myself, much more than what my family provides me with.

I've always dreamed of becoming a pediatrician. It's a hard dream to have when your family doesn't support you. Year after year, everyone in my family just married and went into the family business. I love the fact that my great-great-grandparents were brave enough to start their own businesses; however, that's not what I want for myself. I want to save lives and help parents ensure that their child is growing up to be healthy -- emotionally and physically.

I truly believe that children are our future, so we have to look out for them from the beginning. My parents don't quite agree. They understand my mission, but feel as though me being a doctor comes with too many risks. They think it's safer and more reasonable to just go into the family business because a job there would be a lot more secure.

My family hasn't said if they would cut me off for not going into the business, but they've made it clear that they don't support me in this career choice. I understand their concerns, but I don't want to spend my life working somewhere that doesn't make me happy. -- Going Against the Grain, Augusta, Georgia

DEAR GOING AGAINST THE GRAIN: Do your research about completing your education to become a pediatrician. Figure out the costs and how you can pay for your dream. It's likely that you will need your parents' participation on some level. Prepare your argument for becoming a doctor once more, and plead for their blessing. Tell them that your heart assures you that this is what you need to do and you want their blessing. To assuage them, offer that if the medical profession doesn't work out, you appreciate that you could work in the family business. See if that helps.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I spoke to a good friend on the phone the other evening, and after a while, I figured out that she must have been drunk. She was slurring her words, and she even stopped making sense. We got off the phone not long after that, but I worry that she may be in trouble. She was at home alone. That's not a great way to drink, and it wasn't late in the day.

How can I check on my friend to see if she is all right? I'm not sure how to bring that up. -- Inebriated, Cambridge, Mississippi

DEAR INEBRIATED: Invite your friend out for a friend date. While together, ask her about her life. Try to get her to open up about what she's been doing and what's going on for her. Then be direct. Tell her you were worried about her the other day because she sounded drunk. Gently guide her to talking about her situation. Tell her you don't mean to judge her, but you want to support her if she needs it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having a tough time talking to my children about being law-abiding citizens while there are police officers who are not protecting and serving the community. My son is terrified; he feels like he might become a victim of police violence, and I worry for him as well because I cannot follow him everywhere he goes.

I am hesitant to tell him that I was pulled over by the police in a recent mandatory check. We are living in turbulent times, and I want to offer some wisdom on how to talk to police officers in a respectful manner. Any wisdom will be greatly appreciated. -- Protect and Serve, Seattle

DEAR PROTECT AND SERVE: This is one of the most provocative and important questions of our time, made worse because it often ignites over racial lines. Obviously, there is too much violence in general in our country, and that includes police shootings and killings of innocent citizens.

I do not believe that most police officers are trigger-happy, or that most consciously target different groups of people. I do believe that we are all living in a world where unconscious bias pollutes people's thinking and opinions about others. What should we do? Find out if your local precinct has any programs where they engage neighbors and children. Learn if there are any opportunities for local police to connect with the community in positive ways. Take your son to participate in any of these events. Humanizing both officer and citizen may help to soften the tensions that are raging throughout our nation. The goal, after all, is mutual respect.

Engage your son in the political process. Help him learn about citizens' rights and how to address lawmakers to help change the laws of the land.

Teach your son how to handle himself if he is approached by a police officer: Be friendly and calm, with no quick movements and total compliance with whatever the officer asks; if you think it would be helpful, suggest he say a prayer. It is essential that anyone who engages a police officer be as unemotional and clear-thinking as possible. Do not argue or allow yourself to get upset. Sadly, for too many people, compliance has still met with a bullet, so your son must be extremely cautious.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I would like some suggestions on how I can still enjoy the rest of my summer with limited spending money. -- Limited Funds, Queens, New York

DEAR LIMITED FUNDS: In New York City, like much of the United States, there are tons of free or affordable activities hosted by the city and local businesses that are trying to drum up support. Look in your local newspapers and their websites for special events that are occurring each week. Look for times when movies are half-price, when plays are discounted, when restaurants are offering specials and when exhibits at parks and museums are opening up. A little research will lead you toward maximum fun.

To keep costs as low as possible, pack a lunch and a bottle of water from home so that you don't have to buy more expensive items while you are out on your adventure.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)