DEAR HARRIETTE: I am having a tough time talking to my children about being law-abiding citizens while there are police officers who are not protecting and serving the community. My son is terrified; he feels like he might become a victim of police violence, and I worry for him as well because I cannot follow him everywhere he goes.

I am hesitant to tell him that I was pulled over by the police in a recent mandatory check. We are living in turbulent times, and I want to offer some wisdom on how to talk to police officers in a respectful manner. Any wisdom will be greatly appreciated. -- Protect and Serve, Seattle

DEAR PROTECT AND SERVE: This is one of the most provocative and important questions of our time, made worse because it often ignites over racial lines. Obviously, there is too much violence in general in our country, and that includes police shootings and killings of innocent citizens.

I do not believe that most police officers are trigger-happy, or that most consciously target different groups of people. I do believe that we are all living in a world where unconscious bias pollutes people's thinking and opinions about others. What should we do? Find out if your local precinct has any programs where they engage neighbors and children. Learn if there are any opportunities for local police to connect with the community in positive ways. Take your son to participate in any of these events. Humanizing both officer and citizen may help to soften the tensions that are raging throughout our nation. The goal, after all, is mutual respect.

Engage your son in the political process. Help him learn about citizens' rights and how to address lawmakers to help change the laws of the land.

Teach your son how to handle himself if he is approached by a police officer: Be friendly and calm, with no quick movements and total compliance with whatever the officer asks; if you think it would be helpful, suggest he say a prayer. It is essential that anyone who engages a police officer be as unemotional and clear-thinking as possible. Do not argue or allow yourself to get upset. Sadly, for too many people, compliance has still met with a bullet, so your son must be extremely cautious.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I would like some suggestions on how I can still enjoy the rest of my summer with limited spending money. -- Limited Funds, Queens, New York

DEAR LIMITED FUNDS: In New York City, like much of the United States, there are tons of free or affordable activities hosted by the city and local businesses that are trying to drum up support. Look in your local newspapers and their websites for special events that are occurring each week. Look for times when movies are half-price, when plays are discounted, when restaurants are offering specials and when exhibits at parks and museums are opening up. A little research will lead you toward maximum fun.

To keep costs as low as possible, pack a lunch and a bottle of water from home so that you don't have to buy more expensive items while you are out on your adventure.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother got himself in trouble with the law, and now has to spend a few months in jail. I still obviously love and support him. He asked if the whole family would be visiting him in jail when he is locked up, but I don't want to bring my children to a prison to see their uncle. I don't want to lie to my brother, but I also don't want him going into prison with a bleak outlook on the next few months. Should I tell him the truth or a white lie? -- Behind Bars, Cincinnati

DEAR BEHIND BARS: The best thing you can do is be honest with your brother so that you can manage his expectations. If you intend to visit him, start with that good news. Do not overpromise. Tell him that you will come and give him some sense of your anticipated frequency of visiting. Keep in mind that he will be there a short time. If you do not intend to bring your children, tell him. Point out that you are sorry he got himself in this trouble, but you do not want to expose your children to jail, so you will not be bringing them to visit.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents are immigrants who never learned how to speak English well. They have stayed in their community for the years that they've lived in the United States and rarely use English because they have Brazilian friends, restaurants and even bank tellers.

My parents just told me that they plan on moving out to the Midwest soon, where it is more beautiful and cheaper to live. I don't want my parents to move far away from me, especially since their English isn't good. It'd be incredibly difficult for a 911 operator to understand my father if an emergency were to happen. Is there anything I can do to convince them to stay close to their community? I just can't imagine how helpless I'd feel if something were to happen. -- You're Grounded, Queens, New York

DEAR YOU'RE GROUNDED: Suggest that your parents take a vacation to the area where they are considering moving. You can help them to set it up, but do not go with them. Encourage them to travel for at least one week, preferably two. Since they want to move there, suggest that they visit real estate agents who can show them potential properties to buy or rent. Push them to use the time wisely to learn about neighborhoods and find what they like.

This trip will help them to experience being in a new place with communication limitations. It will also help you to learn how well they can manage on their own. They may be far more resourceful than you would imagine. Rather than pressuring them not to move, let them see for themselves. After all, they had the courage and vision to move from their country years before. They may be far more ready for this move than you think.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-fiancee and I left off on a bad note. She walked in on me being unfaithful, and I don't think I can ever unsee the hurt in her eyes. We never got closure, and she refuses to speak to me since that horrible night.

I obviously have regrets about what happened, but now I am just focused on making sure she is safe and OK. I find myself driving by her house or parking in front a few times a day just to see if she's doing all right. Her flowers are watered, she's frequently in and out of the house and I don't think she's had many people over. I can't bring myself to stop checking on her house. Is this wrong? I feel like as long as it does not negatively impact her life, it is OK if I cruise by. -- Guardian Angel, Teaneck, New Jersey

DEAR GUARDIAN ANGEL: I hate to tell you this, but your ex would probably think of you more as a stalker than an angel. You betrayed her trust, and now you are lurking around "watching over her." This is not a good idea.

Sadly, you made a huge mistake that has cost you this relationship. You see that she is doing fine and living her life. It is time for you to move on and live yours. You have some inner work to do so that you can evaluate your choices. Why did you cheat on your fiancee? What do you want in the future in terms of a relationship? Do you believe you can be faithful in future relationships? Figure out where your head is so that you are ready for what lies ahead. Meanwhile, leave your ex alone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I come from a traditional Italian family. For generations, the husbands have always worked while the wives took care of the children and had dinner ready at the end of the day. My wife has begun talking about opening up a store in our town. I don't want my wife to work and invest her money in this store. I keep telling her that retail is down and she might lose her money, but she can't stop thinking about opening up her own store.

I want my wife to stay home with our children and cook dinner. With this new store idea, it looks like I won't be able to have home-cooked meals anymore. How can I persuade my wife to be rational and do what is best for the family? -- Happy Wife Means Happy Life, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR HAPPY WIFE MEANS HAPPY LIFE: What you really need to do is have a talk with your wife about values and the changing roles that she is considering for the family. She clearly is not happy with the status quo. She is pleading with you for your blessing for her to try something new. Talk about what that might look like. How can the family figure out how to give her space to try this enterprise and keep hot meals on the table? If you are willing to look at your life differently, the two of you may be able to figure this out.

And remember: If you want home-cooked meals, you could always cook them yourself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)