DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother got himself in trouble with the law, and now has to spend a few months in jail. I still obviously love and support him. He asked if the whole family would be visiting him in jail when he is locked up, but I don't want to bring my children to a prison to see their uncle. I don't want to lie to my brother, but I also don't want him going into prison with a bleak outlook on the next few months. Should I tell him the truth or a white lie? -- Behind Bars, Cincinnati

DEAR BEHIND BARS: The best thing you can do is be honest with your brother so that you can manage his expectations. If you intend to visit him, start with that good news. Do not overpromise. Tell him that you will come and give him some sense of your anticipated frequency of visiting. Keep in mind that he will be there a short time. If you do not intend to bring your children, tell him. Point out that you are sorry he got himself in this trouble, but you do not want to expose your children to jail, so you will not be bringing them to visit.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents are immigrants who never learned how to speak English well. They have stayed in their community for the years that they've lived in the United States and rarely use English because they have Brazilian friends, restaurants and even bank tellers.

My parents just told me that they plan on moving out to the Midwest soon, where it is more beautiful and cheaper to live. I don't want my parents to move far away from me, especially since their English isn't good. It'd be incredibly difficult for a 911 operator to understand my father if an emergency were to happen. Is there anything I can do to convince them to stay close to their community? I just can't imagine how helpless I'd feel if something were to happen. -- You're Grounded, Queens, New York

DEAR YOU'RE GROUNDED: Suggest that your parents take a vacation to the area where they are considering moving. You can help them to set it up, but do not go with them. Encourage them to travel for at least one week, preferably two. Since they want to move there, suggest that they visit real estate agents who can show them potential properties to buy or rent. Push them to use the time wisely to learn about neighborhoods and find what they like.

This trip will help them to experience being in a new place with communication limitations. It will also help you to learn how well they can manage on their own. They may be far more resourceful than you would imagine. Rather than pressuring them not to move, let them see for themselves. After all, they had the courage and vision to move from their country years before. They may be far more ready for this move than you think.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-fiancee and I left off on a bad note. She walked in on me being unfaithful, and I don't think I can ever unsee the hurt in her eyes. We never got closure, and she refuses to speak to me since that horrible night.

I obviously have regrets about what happened, but now I am just focused on making sure she is safe and OK. I find myself driving by her house or parking in front a few times a day just to see if she's doing all right. Her flowers are watered, she's frequently in and out of the house and I don't think she's had many people over. I can't bring myself to stop checking on her house. Is this wrong? I feel like as long as it does not negatively impact her life, it is OK if I cruise by. -- Guardian Angel, Teaneck, New Jersey

DEAR GUARDIAN ANGEL: I hate to tell you this, but your ex would probably think of you more as a stalker than an angel. You betrayed her trust, and now you are lurking around "watching over her." This is not a good idea.

Sadly, you made a huge mistake that has cost you this relationship. You see that she is doing fine and living her life. It is time for you to move on and live yours. You have some inner work to do so that you can evaluate your choices. Why did you cheat on your fiancee? What do you want in the future in terms of a relationship? Do you believe you can be faithful in future relationships? Figure out where your head is so that you are ready for what lies ahead. Meanwhile, leave your ex alone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I come from a traditional Italian family. For generations, the husbands have always worked while the wives took care of the children and had dinner ready at the end of the day. My wife has begun talking about opening up a store in our town. I don't want my wife to work and invest her money in this store. I keep telling her that retail is down and she might lose her money, but she can't stop thinking about opening up her own store.

I want my wife to stay home with our children and cook dinner. With this new store idea, it looks like I won't be able to have home-cooked meals anymore. How can I persuade my wife to be rational and do what is best for the family? -- Happy Wife Means Happy Life, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR HAPPY WIFE MEANS HAPPY LIFE: What you really need to do is have a talk with your wife about values and the changing roles that she is considering for the family. She clearly is not happy with the status quo. She is pleading with you for your blessing for her to try something new. Talk about what that might look like. How can the family figure out how to give her space to try this enterprise and keep hot meals on the table? If you are willing to look at your life differently, the two of you may be able to figure this out.

And remember: If you want home-cooked meals, you could always cook them yourself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently graduated college, and I finally found a job in my field. After eight long months, I can finally say that I have a job doing what I want to do. The only problem is that my dream job requires me to relocate. I'd have to leave Ohio behind and embark on a new journey to Washington, D.C.

Although I am a college graduate, I didn't stay on campus. I lived with my parents all four years, so leaving for D.C. would be my first time living on my own. My parents are worried and hesitant about me taking the job because I've always lived with them. They say that it wouldn't be as nerve-racking if I left home but stayed in Ohio.

I'll admit that I'm anxious and nervous as well, but I honestly feel as though it's time for me to spread my wings. How will I ever become fully independent if I never leave home? I want to figure out how to make it on my own. This is my dream job in the field I studied in college. Who knows when another opportunity like this will come along?

How do I convince my parents to let me go? I understand that it's difficult because I'm their only child, but I need to leave and be on my own at some point in my life. I don't want to miss this opportunity because they're afraid to let me go. I have faith in my degree and myself. -- Ready to Leave, Cleveland

DEAR READY TO LEAVE: Leaving home is a huge step toward independence; in your case, it's exacerbated by your being an only child. Stay strong and follow your dream. Yes, this will likely be hard for you and your parents. Have some solace knowing that your parents will not be alone. They have each other. You will be fine because you have the values they taught you and your plans for your career. As long as you stay focused on your goals, you will be able to navigate your life and learn to make independent decisions.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine just got a face-lift. We are around the age where these procedures are normal, but I would not go under the knife. Honestly, I don't want to be seen in public with her with her face all wrapped up. I think walking around for weeks with your neck and chin compressed makes you a beacon for stares and judgment. I think women should not feel societal pressure to get face-lifts to look younger and better for their husbands.

I support my friend's right to do whatever she wants, but I need a go-to excuse for when she tries to make plans with me. Any suggestions? -- Under Wraps, Boston

DEAR UNDER WRAPS: Do your best to stop judging your friend. When you can accept that this is her choice and not yours, it will be easier for you to be with her, however she looks. You can choose not to engage the people who may be eying her curiously because of her bandages. It is on her to defend herself -- or not.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)