DEAR HARRIETTE: As a child, I was never surprised with gifts. Since age 7 or 8, my parents have checked with me to make sure I wanted the gift they were planning on buying me. Now I have a habit of always checking in with someone before buying him or her a gift. I don't know if they already own it or even want it!

I know this way of shopping for others ruins the surprise, but is practical. I'm torn on what to do. Should I continue my practical gift-giving or live a little and surprise people? -- No Surprises Here, Westchester, New York

DEAR NO SURPRISES HERE: Here's a question: Do your friends ultimately appreciate the gifts that you give them? If so, you may end up being like your parents, the practical giver. Find out how your friends experience your gifts. If they truly do not like receiving practical gifts from you, you may consider stretching a bit. Imagine what you think they might prefer. Think about their lives and interests. If you could choose anything -- within your budget -- to give them, what would it be? Consider buying that thing and getting a gift receipt so they can return it. In this way, you experience the best of both worlds, the practicality of the recipient easily being able to return it, and the surprise of them not knowing what you got them before they open it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This summer has been killer. The heat is so high, and I feel like I'm doing my best to go from one air-conditioned building to the next. My attempts to stay cool sometimes fail, and I arrive to lunch or someone's home clearly perspiring. Although I am obviously hot, some people still try to hug me! I find this gross and uncomfortable for everyone around. How can I go about declining hugs in the sweaty heat? -- Sweltering Heat, Atlanta

DEAR SWELTERING HEAT: Stay on the offensive. I do believe people will appreciate it! Here's an example: I visited with a friend recently, and it was super hot at her house, simply because of the stifling humidity outside. When it was time to say goodbye, I told her that I did not want to hug yet, as I was literally sweating, and I thought it would be gross. We had the luxury of sitting in an air-conditioned room for a bit before I exited. When the second moment for a hug came, I agreed to offer it tentatively.

The point is to say it upfront. Tell your friend or colleague, "Hey, it's too hot to hug! I care about you too much to sweat on you!" Take the direct approach -- most people will appreciate it. Even when it comes to shaking hands, have a handkerchief or some other cloth handy so that you can wipe off your hand and avoid offering a wet palm to shake. Trust that anyone you encounter will appreciate your candor and effort.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend "Stassie" was just laid off from her job as a receptionist at a hair salon. Stassie has been going on job interviews and hasn't heard back from anyone. I think how she presents herself may have something to do with her lack of employment.

Stassie loves to wear neon makeup, and she wakes up hours early to make sure her hair and face are done up to the nines. I love how she takes pride in her appearance, but I don't think potential employers are as accepting of neon yellow eyeliner.

I want to encourage Stassie to try a more natural look for work and then put on her favorite makeup after hours. But I don't want to offend her when I tell her; I just want her to land a job. -- Daily Fake Eyelashes, Cincinnati

DEAR DAILY FAKE EYELASHES: Maybe you can tell her my story: As a young woman, I was committed to working in fashion. When I had the opportunity for a job interview, I traveled from Washington, D.C., to New York City with a couple of outfits for the interview. Thank God, my friend who was helping me out looked at my outfits. One -- my preference -- was high fashion, and included glitz and plenty of makeup. The other was a suit with a simple white shirt and conservative makeup. My friend cautioned me against the runway look, explaining that the job called for professional dress, at least for the interview. She told me to never choose fashion over professional presentation when looking for a job. I wore the suit, and I got the job.

Be frank with your friend. Neon eye makeup is appropriate for the club and fun times, not for work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, my estranged cousin reached out to my sister and me. We have not seen her in years due to drama between her mother and father. We are related to her through her father, with whom she no longer has contact because of an ultimatum from her mother. The last time we saw our cousin, we were teenagers; we are now well into our 20s. We have spoken over text messages and made plans, but our cousin always flakes. We are all in the same city for the summer, and she reached out to us yet again.

My sister and I love our family, but question how serious our cousin is about meeting up with us. I don't want to have to wait at a restaurant at a table set for three yet again. Should my sister and I agree to meet with her? -- Stood Up for Years, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR STOOD UP FOR YEARS: Why not tell your cousin that this is her last chance. Make it clear that if she stands you up, you will not show up the next time. Next, make the date. Go to the restaurant, and you and your sister should order 15 minutes after your meeting time. Enjoy each other as you wait. This way, no matter what, you will have a good time. Hopefully, your cousin will drum up the courage and presence of mind to come. If she does, do not berate her. Be supportive and listen to her. She is going through a tough time. Love her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son is away at sleepaway camp, and my husband and I miss him terribly. We know he is fine, but we long to see pictures of him. His camp posts photos on a private Facebook page, and every day I go to the page to find my son, but I have seen him only once in five days. I don't want to be the parents who complain incessantly on the page when they don't see their children and demand to have them post pictures. How can I get my message across without seeming like a crazy parent? -- Missing My Boy, Denver

DEAR MISSING MY BOY: Why not send a direct message to the camp head via his Facebook page? When you use that feature, the message goes to that person directly, without being broadcast to the other parents who are commenting on the page.

Take a deep breath and be calm before you start writing. Let the camp head know how much you miss your son; state his name and cabin name -- if you know it -- and ask if he would have someone look for your son and post a picture as soon as they find him. Thank him and express how grateful you will be to see your son's shining face. Kindness and discretion may help you to see your son soon!

DEAR HARRIETTE: Today I was shopping a sale, and I tried on a men's sweater. I enjoy wearing oversized clothing, and I find that men's clothing sometimes suits me better. During the sale, an employee came up to me and told me that I was trying on men's clothing and that I could find clothing for women on the other side. I wasn't sure how to respond when it was so clear that he expected me to move to the women's sale. I fibbed and said I was trying on clothing for my lanky younger son.

I don't want to lie, and I don't feel as though I should have to. Sometimes I just want an oversized T-shirt or sweater! How can I concisely explain myself without being rude to salespeople? -- Either Section Is Right, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR EITHER SECTION IS RIGHT: It's completely understandable why you were left flat-footed. The salesperson was not paying close attention and was not attuned enough to respond to the moment by supporting you. Truth is, you may have found the perfect sweater where you were, or there may have been a better option in the women's department while still oversized. So, the salesperson stumbled by making it uncomfortable for you.

In the future, forget feeling uncomfortable. You are the customer! You could have said, "Oh, yes, I know where I am. I am looking for an oversized sweater for myself. Do you think you could help me find something just the right size for what I have in mind?" That would have left enough wiggle room for the salesperson to look in the men's department or head toward the women's section. The key is your level of comfort and confidence in leading the way.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)