DEAR HARRIETTE: My family is riddled with divorce. Practically every couple in two generations has split. Remarriages occur and create happy family members. My brother has been single for years after a string of bad relationships following a divorce. His ex moved the children to another state, and he works himself to the bone to be able to provide for them. I feel bad for him; it seems like he doesn't have any hobbies or happiness in his life.

I am getting remarried soon, so he will be the only single sibling. He got himself three cats recently, which I was against because it prohibits him moving freely. How can I involve my brother in my life to make sure he's doing all right? I've been working on trying to get him to move to my state, but to no avail. -- Building His Life Up, Boulder, Colorado

DEAR BUILDING HIS LIFE UP: Divorce is hard on the whole family and usually friends, too, so it's natural that you would like to figure out how to comfort your brother as you and the rest of the family seem to have moved on. As you attempt to help him, do know that you cannot spark happiness in his life -- nor is it your responsibility.

That said, you can make an effort. Invite him to join you for a sibling date. Invite him to come to visit you. Or suggest a sibling date without your spouse -- just you two or you and your other siblings -- where you go someplace fun and spend time together. Insist that he show up, and make sure that your life doesn't get too busy for you to go. Stay connected. That's what you can do.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister's birthday is coming up soon. We celebrate by going to dinner. In the past, my sister would tell us where she wanted to go. This year, she said she doesn't care about where we go and to pick a place that I like. This leaves me at a crossroads. I could give her a selection of restaurants to choose from, or I could surprise her. We have some overlapping cuisines that we both enjoy; however, our tastes do vary.

Should I bother her with more restaurant selections to make sure her birthday is as perfect as possible? Would it be bad manners to pick my favorite restaurant, since she doesn't care? -- Birthday Eats, Baltimore

DEAR BIRTHDAY EATS: Consider that your sister is telling you the truth. You can double-check by telling her that you are making a reservation at your favorite restaurant. Ask if she thinks she would like that. As long as you believe there are menu choices that she would enjoy, you are probably fine. Just make sure that you do something special that night. Select a dessert that you think she would love, and set it up to have the waiter bring it out with a candle so you can serenade her!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my grandmothers passed away suddenly five years ago, when I was a teenager. I miss her, and I wish we had had more time together. I want to make the most of the time my other grandmother has, but she lives in a different country. I see her about once a year, but it seems like the visits aren't enough. I want to have a deeper connection with her. She doesn't particularly like talking over the phone, and does not understand how to FaceTime or video chat. How can I reach out to her meaningfully without going broke flying to see her? -- Can't Miss Connections, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR CAN'T MISS CONNECTIONS: It is a blessing to have your grandmother, and it's wise of you to want to have meaningful connections with her.

Why not go all the way old-school? Send her handwritten notes -- if you have good handwriting. If not, type them out so that they are very easy to read. Write to her and include photos that show her what is happening in your life. In this way, she gets to enjoy your world from a distance, and she knows without question that you are thinking of her. Write to her on a regular basis -- at least once a month -- even if she doesn't write to you. Chances are, though, that if you make the effort, she will return it with joy. Start right away!

DEAR HARRIETTE: As I was scrolling down my Facebook, I saw a video that was suggested to me because my friends liked it. It was a video of teenagers jumping off a local cliff. Upon looking at it, I recognized my teenage son!

I cannot believe my son has been cliff jumping! This is so dangerous. I totally busted him, but don't know what my next step is. He's grounded, but I want to make sure he never does this again. How do I keep him from endangering himself like this? He could have paralyzed himself! -- No Heights, Columbus, Georgia

DEAR NO HEIGHTS: You can talk to your son about his choices and remind him to think about the consequences of his actions. Try to have this conversation with him when you are calmer. But you must not scold him at the time, or it won't work. Practice talking to him.

The reality is that you cannot control your son's every step; you can only remind him of the importance of making smart choices and the penalties and perils that come when he does not. Remind him of how precious he is to you, and how much you want him to have a long, healthy and safe life. Point out that jumping off cliffs is not a wise choice for anyone. You may want to look up accidents and fatalities that have occurred from such jumps so that he can see for himself.

This is not an easy task, but you can make the effort. Continuing to let him know how much you love him is key to getting him to consider heeding your advice.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Whenever I go over to my father's house, it's as though I am expected to cook him and his wife dinner. I do love experimenting in the kitchen, but not all the time. When I arrive, there's usually a debit card on the table. The two of them are still at work and use me as a grocery shopper, home chef and dog walker.

I don't mind helping my father out, but I'd just like to cook with him as opposed to him waiting to be served dinner. I know he works all day, but I do, too, and I think we could bond in the kitchen. How can I cross the line from home chef to family bonding? -- Need a Sous Chef, Dallas

DEAR NEED A SOUS CHEF: It's time to speak up. Before heading to your father's for the next visit, call him and tell him your idea: You would like to cook with him, not for him. Be honest. Tell him that you most want to enjoy quality time with your father. Explain that being left the debit card and freedom to shop and cook does not make you feel special. Indeed, it makes you feel like hired help. Invite your father to have a date with you in his kitchen. Or, if he is not up for that, suggest that you three go out to dinner for a change. If your father is unresponsive, ask his wife.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got a pay cut at work. I didn't tell my friends because I'm hoping the tide will turn for me soon. My old salary was great and allowed me to have a table when partying and the most stylish new clothes. Since the pay cut, I've completely cut back. I have to support only myself, so it hasn't been too hard, but I'm having trouble staying in touch with my friends. They love to party, and my rigid new budget doesn't have the room for it.

How can I suggest cheaper "staying in" ideas to my friends without seeming like a killjoy? They have only a few hours a week to let loose, and I'd like to stay a part of the circle, even if I don't have the finances right now. -- New Attitude, Washington, D.C.

DEAR NEW ATTITUDE: Are you close enough with anyone in your friend group to tell the truth? It would ease the pressure if you were able to talk to someone about your situation. In the same way that you once hosted a table when you hung out with your friends, others may be willing to host you here and there. If not, that tells you a lot about who your friends really are. While you should not be looking for a handout, it should be simple for the group to keep you involved during your lean times.

What's also important is for you to take a good hard look at your own behavior. You spent all that you had when you were liquid. It's time to think about a different way of living your life, with an eye toward the future. That could include finding new friends.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)