DEAR HARRIETTE: Whenever I go over to my father's house, it's as though I am expected to cook him and his wife dinner. I do love experimenting in the kitchen, but not all the time. When I arrive, there's usually a debit card on the table. The two of them are still at work and use me as a grocery shopper, home chef and dog walker.

I don't mind helping my father out, but I'd just like to cook with him as opposed to him waiting to be served dinner. I know he works all day, but I do, too, and I think we could bond in the kitchen. How can I cross the line from home chef to family bonding? -- Need a Sous Chef, Dallas

DEAR NEED A SOUS CHEF: It's time to speak up. Before heading to your father's for the next visit, call him and tell him your idea: You would like to cook with him, not for him. Be honest. Tell him that you most want to enjoy quality time with your father. Explain that being left the debit card and freedom to shop and cook does not make you feel special. Indeed, it makes you feel like hired help. Invite your father to have a date with you in his kitchen. Or, if he is not up for that, suggest that you three go out to dinner for a change. If your father is unresponsive, ask his wife.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently got a pay cut at work. I didn't tell my friends because I'm hoping the tide will turn for me soon. My old salary was great and allowed me to have a table when partying and the most stylish new clothes. Since the pay cut, I've completely cut back. I have to support only myself, so it hasn't been too hard, but I'm having trouble staying in touch with my friends. They love to party, and my rigid new budget doesn't have the room for it.

How can I suggest cheaper "staying in" ideas to my friends without seeming like a killjoy? They have only a few hours a week to let loose, and I'd like to stay a part of the circle, even if I don't have the finances right now. -- New Attitude, Washington, D.C.

DEAR NEW ATTITUDE: Are you close enough with anyone in your friend group to tell the truth? It would ease the pressure if you were able to talk to someone about your situation. In the same way that you once hosted a table when you hung out with your friends, others may be willing to host you here and there. If not, that tells you a lot about who your friends really are. While you should not be looking for a handout, it should be simple for the group to keep you involved during your lean times.

What's also important is for you to take a good hard look at your own behavior. You spent all that you had when you were liquid. It's time to think about a different way of living your life, with an eye toward the future. That could include finding new friends.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a fairly large plot of land, so I employ gardeners and landscapers to help me keep it presentable. I tend to my personal vegetable garden, but the grass, bushes and flowers are cared by a group of workers from Central America.

Recently, I witnessed my gardeners catcalling women from my property a few days ago. I don't speak or understand Spanish, but I saw that they were whistling and clearly making the woman walking on the sidewalk uncomfortable. I was home alone, and I totally froze. My wife would be furious if the neighborhood knew we employed men who made women feel uncomfortable just for walking. How do I stop this behavior? I did some research and found it is more common in Latin American culture to publically admire women. I do not condone this, especially from paid employees. -- Whistling Stops Now, Greenwich, Connecticut

DEAR WHISTLING STOPS NOW: This is a thorny situation, exacerbated by the language barrier and potential cultural difference. Best-case scenario, you should find someone who is fluent in Spanish who can serve as a translator for you. (It would probably be best if your translator were a man.) If you find someone, explain the situation and ask him to translate for you as you explain that calling out to women while working on your property is forbidden. Make sure you describe what you saw with your own eyes, including the way that the women reacted. Tell the men that you appreciate their work, but you need them to refrain from such commentary. That could be enough, especially if you have a good translator.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents have been divorced for years. Their relationship isn't the friendliest, but it could certainly be worse. Occasionally, one parent will ask me about the other, and I don't really know how to respond.

Growing up, we were told to not tell the other parent about things like finances or relationships. Now, I'm in uncharted territory when any questions come up, and I am unsure of how to answer. I don't really know the motives, and I'd love to believe the best from both of my parents, but I want to learn how to deflect or shut down probing questions about the other party.

How do I show that I'm not going to be a gossip about the other parent? Both parents do this. -- Broken Telephone, Syracuse, New York

DEAR BROKEN TELEPHONE: Stick with your tried and true rules. When either parent asks about the other, redirect them. Suggest that they pick up their own phones to check in. If pressed, remind them that not being a go-between or informant has worked well for you for all these years. No need to change it now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Money was never abundant growing up, so I don't ask my parents for spending money. I work odd jobs to earn it on my own. As I have gotten older, my parents have me pay for more and more. I've purchased all of my toiletries, clothing and furniture for my room. My parents pay for most of my food and the utilities, but other than that, I'm on my own. I pay for my own transportation, or I walk. I want to learn how to stretch my money. I'm still a teenager, so I can't really invest money in anything -- then again, I probably don't even have enough. -- Busted Piggy Bank, Washington, D.C.

DEAR BUSTED PIGGY BANK: Good for you that you are figuring out how to pay for yourself, even as you have the blessing of living with your family. Start reading up on money so that you can learn about saving -- even when you start with pennies, you can grow and stretch your money. Go to the library or online to learn about money management and creative freelance employment opportunities. Talk to your parents about what you are learning about money. This may open up the conversation and create space for all of you to talk together about how to plan for the future.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a gay man who recently starting dating someone seriously after some time. Everything was going smoothly until I told this person that the person I would be having dinner with in about a week is not only one of my closest friends, but my ex as well. He told me that my friendship with my ex was not going to work as he has trust issues from past relationships, and he does not want me to keep in touch with my ex at all.

While my ex and I broke up three years ago, in that time, we've become close friends, and I don't want to cut off a friendship, because good friends are not easy to come by. Also, I don't even know if this new person is going to work out. Am I out of line for telling my new boyfriend no? What is the etiquette for remaining friends with an ex? -- No Competition, New Orleans

DEAR NO COMPETITION: This situation is common among many couples. Some partners are adamant about not continuing friendships with exes. Others are more trusting and welcoming. What you can do to help your situation along is to suggest that your current boyfriend get to know your ex, at least enough for the two of them to build the comfort of respect between them.

Let your boyfriend know that you do not want to have to choose between them, that your ex is a dear friend -- and in no way a current or potential lover -- and that you want to keep that friendship. Ask him to give the friend a chance. If they get to know each other, it may go a long way to resolving this situation. Know, however, that your boyfriend may never grow to like the idea.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)