DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now. Our relationship has been a crazy ride, but at the end of the day, we always made things right.

On one of our "breaks," he messed around with another girl. Nine months later, when we were back on good terms, she came back claiming to have had his child; DNA results proved my boyfriend was the child's father. Through months of therapy, prayer and commitment, we were able to make it past this. I made the choice to forgive him, and we made the choice to stay together.

I've come to love the very child that could've destroyed my relationship. My family and friends aren't ready to be so forgiving. It's been a year since the child was born, and they have yet to even acknowledge her existence. I found happiness and love in the little family we've created. Regardless of the fact that she's not my biological daughter, she knows I love her more than anything.

I'm happy with my decision, so I really wish my family would get over it. My mom invites only me to family dinners and acts as if I'm single. Everyone acts as if my daughter and my boyfriend don't exist, and I'm tired of it. If another Christmas goes by without them buying our daughter gifts or making us feel welcome, I'm cutting them off. How do I make them see that I stayed for the greater good? -- Forgiveness is Key, Miami

DEAR FORGIVENESS IS KEY: It sounds like you two have custody of this child. If you are indeed living as a family, make that clear to your family. Tell your mother you can no longer come to family gatherings if she does not welcome your nuclear family. Ask for her support and love, and ask her to invite the rest of the family to support you. Continue to act like a family unit, and hopefully your extended family will grow to respect that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started dating again after being single for two years. I'm trying to determine if my new guy really wants to be together. We've both been through bad relationships that left us burned, so we're both guarded. Is it possible for two guarded people to be together?

I want to connect with my boyfriend, but I'm scared to let him in and then wind up hurt or abandoned. I don't want to make it seem like I don't want him, because I do. It's just hard to let him in. I can't help but feel like this could either be a good relationship or a dead end. If we both have walls up, how will either of us really get to know the other? A part of me feels like if we let our guard down, our relationship can actually turn into something amazing. How do we stop holding each other back from the love we want most? -- Love Most Wanted, Philadelphia

DEAR LOVE MOST WANTED: Talk openly about your fears. Acknowledge to your boyfriend that you care a lot about him but believe you both are worried about giving it your all. Ask him if he is willing to try with you to see if you two have a future. Promise each other that you will be honest and kind to each other, even if the relationship doesn't work.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My stepsister and I are the same age. Our parents got married when we were 20, so it's not like we grew up together. We get along very well, though. My stepsister is struggling to find a job, whereas I'm filling my schedule with two part-time jobs and weekend gigs. I use the internet and connections to find my jobs.

My mother and stepfather have decided that I should be helping my "sister" find a job because I am so good at it. Honestly, I think she should find her own way, just like I did. It's not too hard to get on your feet and hustle! How do I tell my parents that I won't be spending hours of my life finding employment opportunities that I wouldn't even be taking advantage of? -- Find Your Own Hustle, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR FIND YOUR OWN HUSTLE: Rather than telling your parents what you won't do, here's a recommendation: Sit down with your stepsister and tell her what you do to find work. Don't do it for her, but explain your process. You can even tell her a couple of examples of websites or searches that you use in order to find leads. It would be generous of you to give your stepsister a bit of coaching so that she feels more comfortable trying it out for herself. This is a kind compromise. You will not be searching for jobs for her, but you will be showing her one way to start her own search.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been dating a great guy for almost two years now. Throughout those two years, we have seen each other through some dark times, including the death of my father and a stretch of unemployment for him. About eight months ago, he got a great job. Recently, his company told him it wanted him to relocate permanently. I have absolutely no intention of moving. All of my family is here, including my mother, who is getting older. I want to tell him this, but I know it will probably be the end of our relationship. Do you have any advice on how to handle this in a way that may help me avoid having to break up with him? -- Staying Put, Syracuse, New York

DEAR STAYING PUT: You definitely should talk to your boyfriend about your thoughts and your future now. Rather than automatically thinking that you have to break up, have a mature and honest conversation. Congratulate him on the opportunity that is before him. And tell him that, while you would never want to stand in his way, the offer worries you. Explain that you feel like the two of you have a future, but you don't envision yourself moving, considering your family ties. Ask him how and where he sees his future and if he has given any thought to what this possible move means for the two of you. Talk it out. It could be that you won't move now, but you two might decide that you move one day. Or he may want to make a different decision. You won't know until you present the topic for discussion.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I haven't been in a physical relationship in two years. I tried online dating, and that didn't work, so now I'm trying to get myself back out into the dating world. My friends set me up with a friend, and I like him so far. He's not in college at the moment, but I understand that everybody in life has setbacks. I want to give him time and see where this goes.

Sadly, due to me not having physical interaction with a man in two years, I don't know how to connect. Honestly, everything feels awkward. It takes me 30 minutes just to actually warm up to the fact that he's right there beside me. I'm so used to being on my own and single, I oftentimes don't bother to include him in the ways that other couples include each other in everything. I don't want him to feel like I'm uninterested, but I don't know how else to act.

How do I get comfortable around men again? How do I include someone in my day-to-day life after being on my own for so long? -- Unsure, New York City

DEAR UNSURE: It's possible that your awkwardness is in part because you have been out of the game for a while, but I'm guessing your lack of connection with this guy is due to lack of interest. Do an assessment to see. What do you like about him? Is he interesting? What do you do together? Sitting next to him for 30 minutes doing what? Figure out what interests you have in common, and choose to do that. This will help tremendously for you to see if you two click.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 27 years old. After dating my boyfriend for about a year, he said he wanted to move in together. I freaked out and broke up with him. Everything was just moving too quickly. Since when does a man want to move in with his girlfriend after only a year of dating? That's too soon ... right? -- Too Young, Detroit

DEAR TOO YOUNG: When to live together is a very personal question. Some people remain old school and think you make that move only after marriage. Some agree to move in after they have been engaged. Others believe that you need to agree that you are in a committed relationship that you want to take to the next level. Still others are more relaxed and say they want to see how it goes living together to determine if the relationship might be a good fit long term.

You have to decide where your comfort lies. Breaking up because he wanted to be more committed was a dramatic reaction. You might want to double back, even if you don't get back together, to apologize for reacting so extremely. Tell him that you were afraid, and talk about what commitment looks like to you. He deserves some kind of an explanation. I'm sure he was shocked by your reaction.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)