life

Career-minded Reader Has Less Time for Family

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 16th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love my family dearly. Lately, though, I'm hardly able to spend time with them. I started a new job about 11 months ago, and so far it's going well! I feel like I'm really getting my foot in the door when it comes to my career field. I love my job because I get to do what I'm really passionate about. However, it also requires me to work long hours away from home.

It saddens me that my family feels like I'm not there to spend as much time with them. I can see that it hurts them when I have to cancel all the time. How do I balance a demanding job and family time? I don't want to be isolated from my family, but I have other things to do that take up my time. How do I balance the two?

I want my family to know I'm still there for them. I also want my employers to know that I'm dedicated to the company. Being a passionate person, I give 100 percent to everything that I do. It's not easy, but I like that it challenges me to be motivated, regardless of anything else that goes on. -- In Need of Balance, Phoenix

DEAR IN NEED OF BALANCE: Start keeping a calendar or schedule where you write down every responsibility and appointment that you have. This includes personal care like eating regularly and exercising, completing the range of work tasks that are on your plate, and connecting with family. Itemize your list in manageable parts so that you can be passionate about everything and, over time, find balance by making time for everything. Trust that it takes time to figure it out. In the meantime, ask your family to have patience because building a career takes time.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 16, 2016

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 16th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: Dating in 2016 is hard. Everyone is caught up with being perfect. You have celebrities who run to plastic surgeons every chance they get. It's not enough to just be who you are, as you are. When you don't measure up to society's standards, then what?

I don't have flawless skin because I gave birth to a son a year ago. I have no apology for the stretch marks that deed gave me. Nor would I ever apologize for them. Guys want this woman who has it all together when in reality, they don't even have that themselves. How could a person want their partner to have certain traits when they don't even have those very traits? It's hypocritical. How do I find a man who can understand this?

I'm a good mom, and I deserve to be accepted as I am. I deserve for my son to be accepted as he is. How do I find a man who's willing to do that? I want a man who can really understand this, but all I seem to attract are those who don't. All around me, I see men who don't and won't. Is a guy like this really just a dream? Is finding a man like this as impossible as the image society tries to push down our throats? -- Wanting and Wondering, Little Rock, Arkansas

DEAR WANTING AND WONDERING: Slow down. Make a list of the traits that you appreciate most in a partner, and don't compromise anymore. You have a child to teach. Wait until you meet someone who cares about you for who you are and who appreciates your son. Look past stereotypes and celebrity. A real man is out there for you.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reluctant Roustabout Receives Repeat Request

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 15th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have never been particularly interested in nautical life. For Memorial Day, I was invited to sail with friends, and I accepted the offer. As the boat was navigating the waters, the owner of the boat needed help with the ropes and sails. I helped out where I could and thought this would be the end of it.

Now I am receiving invitations to sail with the boat owner. Honestly, I don't like how much work has to be done to get the boat on its way. The engine is shut off for the majority of the ride, and there is just too much to do for me to enjoy the sailing. The constant wondering about knots, ropes and sails doesn't intrigue me whatsoever. I prefer a ride that doesn't involve the boat constantly tipping with the wind.

I think it's a bit crass to simply reply "I don't like sailboats" as a way to deny these invitations. Should I tell a white lie or pretend I have plans instead of being honest? I would hope he'd pick up the hint after the seventh or eighth time. -- Not Rockin' With the Ocean, Baltimore

DEAR NOT ROCKIN' WITH THE OCEAN: If you truly do not want to learn more about the sailing life and possibly grow to love it, tell the truth. Contact the boat owner. Thank him for the invitation and admit that sailing is not your thing. He probably did not sense that since you put your all into it. Let him know, and he should stop asking.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 15, 2016

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 15th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend wants to take a break from me. After a heated argument, he told me that he wanted to take a break. I freaked out and accused him of trying to see other people. He clarified that he just wanted a break from talking to me.

I don't want to just leave our relationship on this note for now. I want to talk everything out, but he's been ignoring me for 24 hours. I can't believe he decided to take a break from me without my agreement. We've been together for almost 3 years. I think he should just hold on because I know we can work this out. How do I get my boyfriend to stop ignoring me? -- Phone Isn't Buzzing, Staten Island, New York

DEAR PHONE ISN'T BUZZING: As much as you want to talk to him right now, it is clear that he doesn't want to talk to you. Rather than pushing him to pick up the phone, stand down. Whatever happened between you has caused him to retreat. Perhaps you should take this period to reflect on what sparked the argument, what your role is in it, what his role is in it, and where you would like to take your relationship.

It could be as simple as having some time apart from each other. But it could easily be that you two have reached an impasse. Healing your bond may require more listening and less talking. For sure, you cannot get your boyfriend to do anything until he is ready. Be still and listen to the voice inside for answers.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Neighbors' Child Plays in the Danger Zone

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 14th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbors down the block constantly leave their child unattended outside. This child has developmental issues but is still able-bodied. He doesn't appear to have any friends because he constantly plays outside alone. This makes me nervous -- no one is watching him!

He is 9 years old, but his developmental problems always make me uncomfortable when I see him playing a few feet away from the street. I just want him to stay safe. I know his parents condone this behavior because he is outdoors, but he is unsupervised. Is there anything I could say to his parents that wouldn't be accusing them of being neglectful? I know this child being so close to the road and unattended makes other neighbors uncomfortable. -- Too Close to the Pavement, Syracuse, NY

DEAR TOO CLOSE TO THE PAVEMENT: I have a big question for you. Is there any chance that you would be willing to hang out with this child sometimes when you are at home and notice him outside? I ask because it sounds like the family could use some support. Being a good neighbor can include lending a hand when it's obviously needed. In this case, if you offered to play in the yard with the child for a while, it could help to keep the child safe. After you get to know the parents better, you could more easily mention that you think it's unsafe for him to play so close to the road.

I recently worked on a project with State Farm. They conducted a study to learn who people think a good neighbor is today. High on the list was that a good neighbor looks out for other neighbors. In my book, your walking across the street and offering a bit of your time would make you an excellent neighbor. To learn more about this study, go to http://bit.ly/1TS7Xk9.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for June 14, 2016

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | June 14th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I spent too much of my money and have found myself in a bind for cash. It's too late to return the clothing, food and beauty treatments I've gotten. I have a part-time job as a nanny, but it's not lucrative. I mentioned my financial woes to one of my friends, and he told me that he gambles online for money. When I questioned the legality of this, he admitted that the website is located outside of the country, which is what makes this online sports gambling endeavor legal.

I have never participated in anything like this, but the money is really drawing me in. This all seems legitimate, and my friend claims it helps him make hundreds of dollars. This can't be a scam because my friend told me about the legitimacy of this gambling ... right? -- Need Fast Cash, Boston

DEAR NEED FAST CASH: I have never heard a happy ending related to gambling -- ever. Well, one exception is the state lottery, where every thousandth or millionth person gets a windfall.

Resist the temptation, as it promises a higher likelihood of greater debt soon down the line. Other options include finding a second job, asking family members or loved ones for a gift or a loan, or becoming extremely lean in your lifestyle and expenses until you recoup.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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