DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a commuter and take the train. On a few occasions, I've had a sleepless night and end up falling asleep on the train. The few times I've done this I wake up in the station and am almost late for work. I'm thankful I've never had anything stolen from me.

I've been seeing commuters who fall asleep on the train and don't wake up when the train pulls into the final stop. Should I wake them up? I know sleep is important, but I always feel bad passing someone by who is still sleeping in work clothes at 8 a.m. on the train. What if they have somewhere to be? Are there any etiquette rules that say I shouldn't be gently nudging someone to wake them up? -- No Snooze Button, Westchester, New York

DEAR NO SNOOZE BUTTON: My first inclination is to suggest that you tell the conductor or whoever is actually working on the train that someone is sleeping in a particular car. Then, that official person can wake the sleeping passenger.

If that does not seem possible, then yes, you can attempt to wake the person. Be sure to stand in front of the person so that when he or she awakens, you are immediately visible. Try speaking loudly to wake the person up without touching. If your voice alone doesn't work, put your hand on his or her arm with a firm tap. The other option is the hand, as long as it is not in the person's lap. Basically, think about how you would like to be awakened, surely with tenderness and respect. Do the same.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am older than one of my friends, and she is taking a class I took a few years ago. In this digital age, I still have every paper and assignment I completed for it. She is asking me for my online folder from the class.

I don't particularly care about keeping my work private and want to know if there are any possible repercussions of giving my friend my files. I have graduated and am independent. Is there any way the school would try to link this back to me? If not, she can take all of my work that she needs! -- Sharing isn't Caring, Dallas

DEAR SHARING ISN'T CARING: If you think your notes can help your friend to study better, that's one thing. If you believe she would actually use them as cheat sheets, do not share them. In order for your friend to learn the material, she has to study and do the work. An alternative way of helping her could be to tutor her if you have time to devote to that.

While your school may not care at all about your sharing your folder, your friend really does need to learn the subject. Don't deprive her of that by turning everything over to her.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have recently cut ties with many of my friends because I realized that our relationship was one-sided. Unfortunately, this has left me with only two or three friends. I decided that it wasn't good for me to be around negative people and have relationships that took more from me than I gained, but is it too high of an expectation for me to be friends with someone who cares the same amount for me as I do for them? I don't tend to get lonely, and I'd much rather have a few good friends than many fake ones, but I'm scared that this new attitude will restrict me in creating new friendships. -- Feeling Demanding, New Orleans

DEAR FEELING DEMANDING: My mother used to tell us that you are lucky if you have two or three friends. I have learned over time that there are plenty of people I like and who I consider friendly. But the people who are part of my inner circle get to be there based on experience, mutual love and respect. Yes, those people should be the ones who care about you in the ways that you appreciate and need. Anybody who does not treat you with respect does not deserve to get too close to your heart.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend got asked to prom by a boy in our grade whom she likes as a friend and wouldn't mind going to prom with. She was hoping another guy would ask her, so she told him she wasn't sure yet. Now, the guy she was hoping for did ask her, and she is conflicted whether she should say yes. She doesn't want to be hurtful to the first guy because he is really nice, but if he sees her with someone else at prom, it would be awkward because she told him no. -- Indecisive, Cincinnati

DEAR INDECISIVE: Had your friend agreed to go to the prom with the first boy, I would say she should honor the commitment. She should have told him a clear "No, thank you," when he first asked. Because she didn't, the situation is now awkward. She has the right to go to the prom with the boy she wants to go with. What she should do out of respect to the other boy is to double back to him. She should thank him again for the invitation but let him know that she is going with someone else. She should apologize for not telling him from the beginning. If she is sincere with him about being sorry that she may have hurt his feelings, she will at least come across as authentic. It won't change that her not being direct from the start led to this uncomfortable situation right now. But it may allow for him to save face and for them to maintain a respectful relationship.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister, "Eve," is a talented stylist in Los Angeles. I am so proud of her for her success in being able to break into the industry. However, I think her paycheck has gone to her head. Recently, she has been sharing her opinion on what practically every member of the family wears. We do not all live in cities and don't see the need to get dolled up to send Eve a picture of what we're up to.

Eve has talent as a stylist and says that she shares her opinion about our clothes because her opinion is valued in the industry. I understand Eve is good at her job, but I don't care that she doesn't like my church dresses! I responded to one of her "critiques" by telling her that I don't care about her opinion, and she told me that I should be grateful I got it for free.

How do I get Eve to hush up about her fashion knowledge? Her opinion isn't always needed -- or wanted. -- Plain Jane vs. Fashionable Eve, Milwaukee

DEAR PLAIN JANE VS. FASHIONABLE EVE: Tell Eve how happy you are for her and her success, but suggest that she needs to stop bullying the family with her industry insights. Remind her that you lead very different lives than she does and that your needs do not match hers. Tell her to quit critiquing the family's wardrobe. Do your part by not sending her photos any more. If she asks why, tell her you are tired of her fashion commentary.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother has the most annoying habit of surprise-forcing me to talk on the phone with relatives. I say "surprise" because I don't know to whom she is speaking, and then she'll turn around and say, "Oh, John is here! I'll put him on the phone!" This leads to me having to ask who I'm talking to. It's incredibly awkward. To add to this, I also don't speak my family's native language well, and I find myself at a loss for words -- literally -- when thinking of open-ended questions to ask them. Are there any polite ways to ask to whom you are speaking? Additionally, what are some basic open-ended questions that I can ask so I don't have to embarrass myself in a language I can barely speak? -- Broken Telephone, Atlanta

DEAR BROKEN TELEPHONE: Start by having a chat with your mother when she's not on the phone. Tell her that you do not appreciate her shoving the phone at you without warning or information. Remind her that you do not speak the language well, and ask that she not put you on the spot like that. Ask her to tell you who is on the phone before you start speaking. Ask her for topics to discuss with these relatives. Your mother is the best person to give you telephone pointers, as she knows them and the language. In general, you don't have to say much. Ask how the person is doing and how the family is, and then listen.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)