DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister, "Eve," is a talented stylist in Los Angeles. I am so proud of her for her success in being able to break into the industry. However, I think her paycheck has gone to her head. Recently, she has been sharing her opinion on what practically every member of the family wears. We do not all live in cities and don't see the need to get dolled up to send Eve a picture of what we're up to.

Eve has talent as a stylist and says that she shares her opinion about our clothes because her opinion is valued in the industry. I understand Eve is good at her job, but I don't care that she doesn't like my church dresses! I responded to one of her "critiques" by telling her that I don't care about her opinion, and she told me that I should be grateful I got it for free.

How do I get Eve to hush up about her fashion knowledge? Her opinion isn't always needed -- or wanted. -- Plain Jane vs. Fashionable Eve, Milwaukee

DEAR PLAIN JANE VS. FASHIONABLE EVE: Tell Eve how happy you are for her and her success, but suggest that she needs to stop bullying the family with her industry insights. Remind her that you lead very different lives than she does and that your needs do not match hers. Tell her to quit critiquing the family's wardrobe. Do your part by not sending her photos any more. If she asks why, tell her you are tired of her fashion commentary.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother has the most annoying habit of surprise-forcing me to talk on the phone with relatives. I say "surprise" because I don't know to whom she is speaking, and then she'll turn around and say, "Oh, John is here! I'll put him on the phone!" This leads to me having to ask who I'm talking to. It's incredibly awkward. To add to this, I also don't speak my family's native language well, and I find myself at a loss for words -- literally -- when thinking of open-ended questions to ask them. Are there any polite ways to ask to whom you are speaking? Additionally, what are some basic open-ended questions that I can ask so I don't have to embarrass myself in a language I can barely speak? -- Broken Telephone, Atlanta

DEAR BROKEN TELEPHONE: Start by having a chat with your mother when she's not on the phone. Tell her that you do not appreciate her shoving the phone at you without warning or information. Remind her that you do not speak the language well, and ask that she not put you on the spot like that. Ask her to tell you who is on the phone before you start speaking. Ask her for topics to discuss with these relatives. Your mother is the best person to give you telephone pointers, as she knows them and the language. In general, you don't have to say much. Ask how the person is doing and how the family is, and then listen.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family's financial situation has changed dramatically ever since I went away to college. My first year, the finances were great. My second year, they were fine. My third year in school is when my dad lost his job, and paying for school was a struggle. Now my parents opened up to me that they don't have the money to send me back to my university for my senior year. There's no way I can work a minimum wage job over the summer and raise enough money to pay for my education. I go to a private university and want to get my degree from a school I've attended since the beginning.

A distant friend is an escort to pay for school, and I'm considering it. I don't want huge loans out in my name -- it will take forever to pay them off. If she can make the money to pay for school for all four years, I think I can do it for one. I'm not quite sure what it entails, but I think this is the best option for me. How should I tell my parents that I have my tuition figured out while shielding them from what I will be doing? -- Walk in My Shoes, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR WALK IN MY SHOES: I strongly recommend against choosing to be an escort to pay for school. It is highly likely that you will be required to offer sexual favors for money -- essentially be a prostitute -- even as a high-end escort. Not only is that illegal, it is also dangerous on many levels.

Instead, I suggest that you contact your school and let them know your situation. If you have good grades, you may qualify for a scholarship. You may qualify for government funding as well. Do your research so that you figure out how you can legally pay for this last year of school. Even if you end up getting a loan for one year, that would be better than selling your body for tuition.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends is "straightedge." He battled with drug and alcohol addictions when he was very young, and now he does not drink or do any drugs. I commend him and his strength, but I am not straightedge whatsoever. Whenever I am drinking or doing drugs, I'm not quite sure how to conduct myself. No one ever offers "James" drugs or beers, but I feel like James might be judging me or the other guys who like to have a good time now and again.

I don't think I'm being paranoid, because other people have mentioned that they feel uncomfortable letting loose around James since he is always sober. Is there any way to get an honest response from James to see if he disapproves of our habits? I've asked before, and he just laughed and said this is what he's been around his whole life. -- Not Like the Rest, Syracuse, New York

DEAR NOT LIKE THE REST: Instead of focusing on how James deals with your drug and alcohol use, take a hard look at yourself. Your discomfort may be a sign that it's time for you to slow down, if not curb your indulgences completely. Of course, it is kind to be sensitive to James, but your life is what you should observe carefully now. Check yourself and make sure you are OK.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Wakes confuse me. From my work and personal life, I find myself getting invited to wakes of people I did not even know. Is this how wakes work? The family invites whomever they want, regardless of whether the deceased knew them?

I am not from the United States; I grew up in Europe. For funerals, you wouldn't invite people who were strangers to the deceased. If we are celebrating the life of someone, why would a stranger be there? I have declined invitations to wakes because I would feel as though I am disrespecting the dead by showing up. My friends say wakes are to comfort the living relatives. -- Puzzled, Little Rock, Arkansas

DEAR PUZZLED: To my knowledge, it is not customary for people who did not know the deceased to be invited to wakes or funerals. Perhaps if the deceased was related to a co-worker, that would be the exception. You may have been invited out of respect to you so that you were not left out.

It is true, what you were told, that wakes and funerals serve to comfort the living. They are ways of helping people accept that their loved ones are really gone. Some people do choose to go to these rituals as a support to their friends and co-workers. Only do so if you feel comfortable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Yesterday, I visited my mother. I had a great time -- except that the way she treats her dog makes me shudder. The dog is spoiled with toys, food and walks; however, she feels that it's OK to kick the dog lightly if he is doing something wrong. For example, the dog was in the kitchen begging for food and tried to jump on a counter. My mom shoved the dog and started lifting her feet to get it out. The dog is 100 pounds, but I still feel like being so physical with your dog is not good. I told my mother to stop kicking her dog, and she said she barely touches it!

I don't know if I'm overreacting or really seeing something concerning here. If I call a shelter or even the police, the dog wouldn't ever be returned to her, which would be devastating. -- Don't Touch the Pup, Washington, D.C.

DEAR DON'T TOUCH THE PUP: Be direct with your mother and tell her you think it is abusive for her to kick the dog. Suggest that she read books about dog training or invest in hiring a professional dog trainer to teach the dog how to behave. Ask her if she ever kicked you when you misbehaved as a child. That may wake her up.

To ensure that she knows you are serious, threaten to call the authorities if she continues to kick the dog. She will be shocked, but that may be what she needs to wake up to the reality of what she is doing.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)