DEAR HARRIETTE: My family's financial situation has changed dramatically ever since I went away to college. My first year, the finances were great. My second year, they were fine. My third year in school is when my dad lost his job, and paying for school was a struggle. Now my parents opened up to me that they don't have the money to send me back to my university for my senior year. There's no way I can work a minimum wage job over the summer and raise enough money to pay for my education. I go to a private university and want to get my degree from a school I've attended since the beginning.

A distant friend is an escort to pay for school, and I'm considering it. I don't want huge loans out in my name -- it will take forever to pay them off. If she can make the money to pay for school for all four years, I think I can do it for one. I'm not quite sure what it entails, but I think this is the best option for me. How should I tell my parents that I have my tuition figured out while shielding them from what I will be doing? -- Walk in My Shoes, Raleigh, North Carolina

DEAR WALK IN MY SHOES: I strongly recommend against choosing to be an escort to pay for school. It is highly likely that you will be required to offer sexual favors for money -- essentially be a prostitute -- even as a high-end escort. Not only is that illegal, it is also dangerous on many levels.

Instead, I suggest that you contact your school and let them know your situation. If you have good grades, you may qualify for a scholarship. You may qualify for government funding as well. Do your research so that you figure out how you can legally pay for this last year of school. Even if you end up getting a loan for one year, that would be better than selling your body for tuition.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends is "straightedge." He battled with drug and alcohol addictions when he was very young, and now he does not drink or do any drugs. I commend him and his strength, but I am not straightedge whatsoever. Whenever I am drinking or doing drugs, I'm not quite sure how to conduct myself. No one ever offers "James" drugs or beers, but I feel like James might be judging me or the other guys who like to have a good time now and again.

I don't think I'm being paranoid, because other people have mentioned that they feel uncomfortable letting loose around James since he is always sober. Is there any way to get an honest response from James to see if he disapproves of our habits? I've asked before, and he just laughed and said this is what he's been around his whole life. -- Not Like the Rest, Syracuse, New York

DEAR NOT LIKE THE REST: Instead of focusing on how James deals with your drug and alcohol use, take a hard look at yourself. Your discomfort may be a sign that it's time for you to slow down, if not curb your indulgences completely. Of course, it is kind to be sensitive to James, but your life is what you should observe carefully now. Check yourself and make sure you are OK.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Wakes confuse me. From my work and personal life, I find myself getting invited to wakes of people I did not even know. Is this how wakes work? The family invites whomever they want, regardless of whether the deceased knew them?

I am not from the United States; I grew up in Europe. For funerals, you wouldn't invite people who were strangers to the deceased. If we are celebrating the life of someone, why would a stranger be there? I have declined invitations to wakes because I would feel as though I am disrespecting the dead by showing up. My friends say wakes are to comfort the living relatives. -- Puzzled, Little Rock, Arkansas

DEAR PUZZLED: To my knowledge, it is not customary for people who did not know the deceased to be invited to wakes or funerals. Perhaps if the deceased was related to a co-worker, that would be the exception. You may have been invited out of respect to you so that you were not left out.

It is true, what you were told, that wakes and funerals serve to comfort the living. They are ways of helping people accept that their loved ones are really gone. Some people do choose to go to these rituals as a support to their friends and co-workers. Only do so if you feel comfortable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Yesterday, I visited my mother. I had a great time -- except that the way she treats her dog makes me shudder. The dog is spoiled with toys, food and walks; however, she feels that it's OK to kick the dog lightly if he is doing something wrong. For example, the dog was in the kitchen begging for food and tried to jump on a counter. My mom shoved the dog and started lifting her feet to get it out. The dog is 100 pounds, but I still feel like being so physical with your dog is not good. I told my mother to stop kicking her dog, and she said she barely touches it!

I don't know if I'm overreacting or really seeing something concerning here. If I call a shelter or even the police, the dog wouldn't ever be returned to her, which would be devastating. -- Don't Touch the Pup, Washington, D.C.

DEAR DON'T TOUCH THE PUP: Be direct with your mother and tell her you think it is abusive for her to kick the dog. Suggest that she read books about dog training or invest in hiring a professional dog trainer to teach the dog how to behave. Ask her if she ever kicked you when you misbehaved as a child. That may wake her up.

To ensure that she knows you are serious, threaten to call the authorities if she continues to kick the dog. She will be shocked, but that may be what she needs to wake up to the reality of what she is doing.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend just came home from an anxiety treatment facility after 15 weeks, and she refused to see me for about two days. I was really hurt by this. I was the reason she went and got help, and I was her lifeline throughout the entire experience, speaking on the phone with her for hours every night. The fact that she didn't want to see me when she got back was extremely hurtful. She did see her other friends, who did not even call her to check on her in the past 15 weeks.

I feel so unappreciated because of her putting me so low on her priority list, but I understand coming home and transitioning back to normal is very stressful. She did see me after two days, so should I just let it go? -- Feeling Unappreciated, Detroit

DEAR FEELING UNAPPRECIATED: Yes, you should let it go. Your friend probably felt self-conscious and even embarrassed when she got home. You were her lifeline, which also made you the one person who knows her secrets and vulnerabilities. Part of her likely wanted to get back to normal, which meant not thinking about what put her in the facility in the first place. Calling friends who were completely unconnected to her during that period allowed her to distance herself from her troubles.

The good news is that your friend didn't take too long to reconnect with you. Forgive her for the frailty that led her to seem ungrateful. Continue to be the good friend you have been.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was a full-time nanny during my summers in college. I nannied for the same family for three of those years. The boys were certainly a handful, but I worked hard and made my spending money for the year. Now, the same family is trying to get me to work for them full time out of college. They pay well, but I am trying to get a job that will set me up for my future. I don't want to be a live-in nanny at all.

I am so thankful for the summers this family has allowed me to have, but the mother will not take no for an answer. When I first declined, she asked me why I couldn't work for them. I responded by saying I was looking for a job in my field, and she said I could look for one in a few years when the boys go to middle school. I will not be guilted into a nannying job after I spent the last four years working hard for my GPA. How do I let her down firmly but kindly? -- Not Your Baby Sitter Anymore, Westchester, New York

DEAR NOT YOUR BABY SITTER ANYMORE: Thank the family again for their generosity and support. Express gratitude for their faith in you that is pressing them to try to keep you as their nanny. If you can recommend someone to replace you, do that. Otherwise, just hold your ground. No means no, and they will figure it out when you don't come back.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)