DEAR HARRIETTE: Wakes confuse me. From my work and personal life, I find myself getting invited to wakes of people I did not even know. Is this how wakes work? The family invites whomever they want, regardless of whether the deceased knew them?

I am not from the United States; I grew up in Europe. For funerals, you wouldn't invite people who were strangers to the deceased. If we are celebrating the life of someone, why would a stranger be there? I have declined invitations to wakes because I would feel as though I am disrespecting the dead by showing up. My friends say wakes are to comfort the living relatives. -- Puzzled, Little Rock, Arkansas

DEAR PUZZLED: To my knowledge, it is not customary for people who did not know the deceased to be invited to wakes or funerals. Perhaps if the deceased was related to a co-worker, that would be the exception. You may have been invited out of respect to you so that you were not left out.

It is true, what you were told, that wakes and funerals serve to comfort the living. They are ways of helping people accept that their loved ones are really gone. Some people do choose to go to these rituals as a support to their friends and co-workers. Only do so if you feel comfortable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Yesterday, I visited my mother. I had a great time -- except that the way she treats her dog makes me shudder. The dog is spoiled with toys, food and walks; however, she feels that it's OK to kick the dog lightly if he is doing something wrong. For example, the dog was in the kitchen begging for food and tried to jump on a counter. My mom shoved the dog and started lifting her feet to get it out. The dog is 100 pounds, but I still feel like being so physical with your dog is not good. I told my mother to stop kicking her dog, and she said she barely touches it!

I don't know if I'm overreacting or really seeing something concerning here. If I call a shelter or even the police, the dog wouldn't ever be returned to her, which would be devastating. -- Don't Touch the Pup, Washington, D.C.

DEAR DON'T TOUCH THE PUP: Be direct with your mother and tell her you think it is abusive for her to kick the dog. Suggest that she read books about dog training or invest in hiring a professional dog trainer to teach the dog how to behave. Ask her if she ever kicked you when you misbehaved as a child. That may wake her up.

To ensure that she knows you are serious, threaten to call the authorities if she continues to kick the dog. She will be shocked, but that may be what she needs to wake up to the reality of what she is doing.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend just came home from an anxiety treatment facility after 15 weeks, and she refused to see me for about two days. I was really hurt by this. I was the reason she went and got help, and I was her lifeline throughout the entire experience, speaking on the phone with her for hours every night. The fact that she didn't want to see me when she got back was extremely hurtful. She did see her other friends, who did not even call her to check on her in the past 15 weeks.

I feel so unappreciated because of her putting me so low on her priority list, but I understand coming home and transitioning back to normal is very stressful. She did see me after two days, so should I just let it go? -- Feeling Unappreciated, Detroit

DEAR FEELING UNAPPRECIATED: Yes, you should let it go. Your friend probably felt self-conscious and even embarrassed when she got home. You were her lifeline, which also made you the one person who knows her secrets and vulnerabilities. Part of her likely wanted to get back to normal, which meant not thinking about what put her in the facility in the first place. Calling friends who were completely unconnected to her during that period allowed her to distance herself from her troubles.

The good news is that your friend didn't take too long to reconnect with you. Forgive her for the frailty that led her to seem ungrateful. Continue to be the good friend you have been.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was a full-time nanny during my summers in college. I nannied for the same family for three of those years. The boys were certainly a handful, but I worked hard and made my spending money for the year. Now, the same family is trying to get me to work for them full time out of college. They pay well, but I am trying to get a job that will set me up for my future. I don't want to be a live-in nanny at all.

I am so thankful for the summers this family has allowed me to have, but the mother will not take no for an answer. When I first declined, she asked me why I couldn't work for them. I responded by saying I was looking for a job in my field, and she said I could look for one in a few years when the boys go to middle school. I will not be guilted into a nannying job after I spent the last four years working hard for my GPA. How do I let her down firmly but kindly? -- Not Your Baby Sitter Anymore, Westchester, New York

DEAR NOT YOUR BABY SITTER ANYMORE: Thank the family again for their generosity and support. Express gratitude for their faith in you that is pressing them to try to keep you as their nanny. If you can recommend someone to replace you, do that. Otherwise, just hold your ground. No means no, and they will figure it out when you don't come back.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Is it bad if I do not go to my senior prom? I have thought about it for a while, and I know I won't regret not going. People keep telling me I have to go, but I have no interest in going to a party and getting all dressed up -- plus, there is no one in my school who I have any interest in going with. I am just ready for high school to be over and to start my new life away from my town. I don't see the problem with that. Is it worth it to force myself to go and be miserable the whole night just so I can say I went to my prom? -- Feeling Pressured, Denver

DEAR FEELING PRESSURED: There is no rule saying that you have to go to your prom. If you truly are not interested and are not connected to a friend group that is going, skip it and do something else. Design your own activity for that evening where you celebrate your significant accomplishment of completing high school. By creating your own memory, you fill the potential hole that could be present in the future when you look back on this time in your life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiancee, "Jenna," is obsessed with astrology. I am not entirely convinced by the planet mumbo-jumbo, but I like that she is passionate about something so unique. We picked our wedding date and went to see an astrologer. Jenna's astrologer told us our wedding date is filled with bad omens and that we should change the date. Our invitations have already been printed! I find this to be absurd.

Jenna is now freaking out about our wedding day because she thinks it will be a bad start to our marriage. She'd prefer a date when the planets are aligned. I can barely take this seriously and want to ask her astrologer to change her mind about our wedding date so my bride-to-be can stop dreading what will hopefully be the best day of her life. Is it ethical to bribe my fiancee's astrologer? -- Whole Other Orbit, Dallas

DEAR WHOLE OTHER ORBIT: Bribery is not a good idea. Talking to the astrologer could be good, though. Respectfully request a meeting, and express your concerns -- along with your desire to support your wife. Since this is so important to your wife, you cannot take it lightly.

Suggest a loophole. You have to get a marriage license. Pick an auspicious day, in the astrologer's eyes, for the day that you two get that license. Even consider having a justice of the peace officially marry you at that time. Then your public event will actually not be your formal wedding date. That could solve it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)