DEAR HARRIETTE: My cousin just got out of Chapter 11 bankruptcy. The legal process and his financial situation spun out of control, so he just got back on his feet. Everyone thought this crisis would cause him to pull it together and mature quickly. Much to everyone's surprise, he's acting like a teenager, and the entire family doesn't know what to do. He is going out to nightclubs, buying bottles and getting so buzzed he can barely stand. Nobody expected this behavior from him.

I want to step in and help, but I don't even know what my first step could be. I refuse to condone his partying ways, but he seems to be in contact with party people only. How can I help my cousin? No one in my family has gone through bankruptcy except for him. He is in his 30s. -- Save That Money, Atlanta

DEAR SAVE THAT MONEY: You can ask your cousin to get together and then tell him face-to-face that you are worried about him and his seemingly reckless behavior. Tell him the whole family is concerned about his well-being. Given that he just turned a new leaf by getting out of Chapter 11, you hope that he will be able to make strategic choices that will help him to get back on his feet. While you know that it is none of your business, tell him that you worry that his partying may get in the way of his potential success.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had a friend pick up a prescription for me, and I suspect she peeked into the bag the medicine came in. I assumed it was basic etiquette to not open something so private. I have some heart issues that I don't share with others, but I feel like she has to know because she always asks if I'm all right, especially when I'm out of breath. I don't need her help, and I thought this medicine would never be spoken about again after I thanked her. It was one day that I was in a bind, and she offered to help me out. Could she have offered to pick up my prescription just to snoop and find out what medications I'm taking? I'd like to educate her on how to properly handle situations like this because I completely regret trusting her to not look at what medicine I take. -- Private Pills, Annapolis, Maryland

DEAR PRIVATE PILLS: You can't go backward in time. The next time she pries about your health, tell your friend that you regret having asked her to pick up your medicine because you believe she violated confidentiality by looking at your medicine. Tell her that you are not interested in discussing your health with her. Leave it at that.

If your condition is something that could cause real problems, you should consider having someone as a confidant in case you have an emergency.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: In the fall, I had a fling. It lasted only a few days until he went back to Philadelphia. Now he's moved back to my city to be closer to his family. During our time apart, we didn't speak, but I held out hope that this summer, we would rekindle what we had.

I was stunned when at a get-together of old friends, he brought his new girlfriend to meet everyone. It's like he doesn't even remember the fall! I thought there could've been something, and I didn't date so I could wait for him. I want to talk to his new girlfriend. I feel like if she knew our past, she would take a step back with him. I would never try to wreck his relationship; I would simply explain what happened between us and how I thought we'd be together. My friends think I'm crazy, but I think this is just crazy enough to work. Should I contact her? -- Speaking the Truth, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR SPEAKING THE TRUTH: You should not contact this woman. What you need to do is to accept the truth. Sadly, you wished that your fling were the start of a relationship, even though nothing occurred to lead you to believe that. Since you were not in contact with this man after your romantic interlude, you had no concrete reason to believe that he would suddenly step back into your life if he ever came back to town. I'm sorry, but your hopes were delusional. Do not get in between him and his girlfriend. That would be unkind to her and confusing to him. You can enjoy the memories that you had with this man, but be clear that they remain in the past. You are not part of his present.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my favorite nights of the month is having a night out with my boys. We go to a bar to watch sports, go bowling and get competitive or get together during the day to be active. I always come home in a better mood after seeing my buddies. We're all busy, but we carve out a day once a month to hang out. Recently, I feel like my wife has been trying to butt in on boys' night. She asks a lot of questions about what we do and what we say to each other, almost like she doesn't trust the story that I am telling her. She also asked if any other wives come to these and expressed interest in coming to check out what we are up to. I obviously love my wife. I just like to have alone time with my boys. She says she wouldn't bother us -- she just wants to sit in and see what it's like. I want to let her down easy while easing her suspicion about our completely normal boys' nights. What can I say so she stops trying to attend? -- Boy's Night Out, Dallas

DEAR BOYS' NIGHT OUT: Invite the boys to your home once for boys' night. Tell them in advance that she is concerned and needs to see for herself how you all enjoy each other's company. Create ground rules. She can support the gathering but not participate, including not staying in the room all night. That should squash her fears.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just found out that my grandma has developed Alzheimer's disease. I am shocked, but I'm not sure how to proceed. For now, she is forgetful and does small things, like being convinced that the telephone receiver is the remote control. I know this will get worse, and that one day she will probably not remember me. The rest of my family is so saddened, but for some reason, I am not.

I feel guilty about not being distressed about my grandmother's diagnosis. She has not changed in the days since she received it, but I know she will. I think we should just celebrate my grandmother as she is now and worry about the future as it comes. Should I be more somber? I have never known anyone with Alzheimer's. -- Feeling Guilty, Boston

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: Living in the moment is wise. Enjoy your grandmother and spend as much time with her as you can. Also, read up on Alzheimer's and speak to her doctor if you can. Learn how to best support her and your family. This disease is debilitating and scary, so your family is not wrong to be saddened. You can help to brighten their spirits by reminding them to cherish the days that they can connect meaningfully with your grandmother.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to be overweight and have turned the gym into my second home over the years. I love pumping iron and getting my muscles as big as they can be. My transformation lost me roughly 100 pounds of fat. In the gym, I can lift more weight when I grunt. I've had managers come over to me and say that other gymgoers are complaining about how loud I am when lifting and exercising.

I love my gym and do everything I can to promote them. I wear the gym T-shirt, and I always put in a good word for them whenever someone asks me where I get so big. I think the gym should cut me some slack. I'm a loyal customer and will probably be around a lot longer than these complainers. How can I tell the gym to lay off my style of exercising? -- Pumping Iron, Seattle

DEAR PUMPING IRON: Congratulations on your weight loss! It takes a tremendous amount of discipline to get to where you are today. Many professional athletes have grunts and groans and odd facial expressions that help them to exert their full effort. That said, this is not your personal gym. If managers -- plural -- have come to you to ask you to quiet down, it is worth considering. The gym should be a comfortable space for all of its members. Perhaps you can press lighter weights for a longer period of time or go to the gym when there are fewer patrons present. Talk to one of the managers or trainers with whom you have a good relationship and ask for suggestions for how you can get your optimal workout in without disturbing others.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)