DEAR HARRIETTE: In the fall, I had a fling. It lasted only a few days until he went back to Philadelphia. Now he's moved back to my city to be closer to his family. During our time apart, we didn't speak, but I held out hope that this summer, we would rekindle what we had.

I was stunned when at a get-together of old friends, he brought his new girlfriend to meet everyone. It's like he doesn't even remember the fall! I thought there could've been something, and I didn't date so I could wait for him. I want to talk to his new girlfriend. I feel like if she knew our past, she would take a step back with him. I would never try to wreck his relationship; I would simply explain what happened between us and how I thought we'd be together. My friends think I'm crazy, but I think this is just crazy enough to work. Should I contact her? -- Speaking the Truth, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR SPEAKING THE TRUTH: You should not contact this woman. What you need to do is to accept the truth. Sadly, you wished that your fling were the start of a relationship, even though nothing occurred to lead you to believe that. Since you were not in contact with this man after your romantic interlude, you had no concrete reason to believe that he would suddenly step back into your life if he ever came back to town. I'm sorry, but your hopes were delusional. Do not get in between him and his girlfriend. That would be unkind to her and confusing to him. You can enjoy the memories that you had with this man, but be clear that they remain in the past. You are not part of his present.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my favorite nights of the month is having a night out with my boys. We go to a bar to watch sports, go bowling and get competitive or get together during the day to be active. I always come home in a better mood after seeing my buddies. We're all busy, but we carve out a day once a month to hang out. Recently, I feel like my wife has been trying to butt in on boys' night. She asks a lot of questions about what we do and what we say to each other, almost like she doesn't trust the story that I am telling her. She also asked if any other wives come to these and expressed interest in coming to check out what we are up to. I obviously love my wife. I just like to have alone time with my boys. She says she wouldn't bother us -- she just wants to sit in and see what it's like. I want to let her down easy while easing her suspicion about our completely normal boys' nights. What can I say so she stops trying to attend? -- Boy's Night Out, Dallas

DEAR BOYS' NIGHT OUT: Invite the boys to your home once for boys' night. Tell them in advance that she is concerned and needs to see for herself how you all enjoy each other's company. Create ground rules. She can support the gathering but not participate, including not staying in the room all night. That should squash her fears.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just found out that my grandma has developed Alzheimer's disease. I am shocked, but I'm not sure how to proceed. For now, she is forgetful and does small things, like being convinced that the telephone receiver is the remote control. I know this will get worse, and that one day she will probably not remember me. The rest of my family is so saddened, but for some reason, I am not.

I feel guilty about not being distressed about my grandmother's diagnosis. She has not changed in the days since she received it, but I know she will. I think we should just celebrate my grandmother as she is now and worry about the future as it comes. Should I be more somber? I have never known anyone with Alzheimer's. -- Feeling Guilty, Boston

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: Living in the moment is wise. Enjoy your grandmother and spend as much time with her as you can. Also, read up on Alzheimer's and speak to her doctor if you can. Learn how to best support her and your family. This disease is debilitating and scary, so your family is not wrong to be saddened. You can help to brighten their spirits by reminding them to cherish the days that they can connect meaningfully with your grandmother.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I used to be overweight and have turned the gym into my second home over the years. I love pumping iron and getting my muscles as big as they can be. My transformation lost me roughly 100 pounds of fat. In the gym, I can lift more weight when I grunt. I've had managers come over to me and say that other gymgoers are complaining about how loud I am when lifting and exercising.

I love my gym and do everything I can to promote them. I wear the gym T-shirt, and I always put in a good word for them whenever someone asks me where I get so big. I think the gym should cut me some slack. I'm a loyal customer and will probably be around a lot longer than these complainers. How can I tell the gym to lay off my style of exercising? -- Pumping Iron, Seattle

DEAR PUMPING IRON: Congratulations on your weight loss! It takes a tremendous amount of discipline to get to where you are today. Many professional athletes have grunts and groans and odd facial expressions that help them to exert their full effort. That said, this is not your personal gym. If managers -- plural -- have come to you to ask you to quiet down, it is worth considering. The gym should be a comfortable space for all of its members. Perhaps you can press lighter weights for a longer period of time or go to the gym when there are fewer patrons present. Talk to one of the managers or trainers with whom you have a good relationship and ask for suggestions for how you can get your optimal workout in without disturbing others.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a younger widow. I married my husband when I was in my 20s and he was in his 50s. After 34 years of love, he passed away. This was a few years ago.

Originally, I was not looking for much and was not sure I could ever be happy again without my husband. Now, I find myself lonely. I have my friends, but they are all in happy marriages or in long-term relationships following divorces. Our children are all out of the house, but I just don't see many good things on my horizon. To top it off, the family dog is now about to pass, and I will be the only one left in a four-bedroom home.

I feel apprehensive about trying to find someone new in my life. I don't even think I would want to date again. I would just like to meet some new people and have activity in my life. My friends act as though I am unavailable for love and fun, so they don't invite me to events. I am tired of feeling so alone, but I don't know where to turn. How can I find a group of people like me in this technological age? -- The In-Between, Pikesville, Maryland

DEAR THE IN-BETWEEN: You have a few choices to consider. Start with selling your house and moving into an apartment building. You could downsize and buy a condo or co-op and be in closer proximity to other people in a more manageable home. Take a class that puts you in the company of other like-minded people. You can also consider checking out dating websites for mature people. Even if you don't find a soul mate, you could have fun meeting new people.

What you don't want to do is feel stuck in awkward connections with old friends who aren't sure how to include you. Expand your horizons!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got my tonsils taken out about a week ago. I am 24 and live alone, but I went back home so my parents could take care of me post-op. I am not supposed to smoke or drink for two weeks following the operation. Well, I messed up and smoked. I needed to go to the doctor because of the complications, and I asked the doctor to omit the reason for the complications from my parents. Needless to say, they're incredibly curious and haven't let it go. They're afraid I could have more complications. I am not afraid of my parents since I am an independent adult with a job, but I just want to shield them from my not-so-family-friendly hobbies. Should I wait for this to fizz out, or come clean? -- Smokey the Bear, Denver

DEAR SMOKEY THE BEAR: You may be independent, but you are not making wise decisions for yourself. I'm sure you already know, but smoking is one of the worst things you can do to your body. That you couldn't resist when you were healing should tell you that it is a habit that you need to examine seriously. Telling your parents is not necessary. It will make them worry -- for good reason. If you are unwilling to try to stop smoking, shielding them may be for the better. But I would suggest that you consider this health scare a wakeup call for you. Get help to stop smoking. Ask your doctor for help.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)