DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been going through a divorce for four years. My future ex-husband and I fight about everything. If it's not child support, it's living situations or seemingly anything. My best friend Jenna's marriage fell apart at the same time as mine, and her divorce has been finalized for over two years. The entire process was quick for her, she says, because she approached her divorce like a business.

This is hurtful to me because it seems like she is implying that I am drawing mine out for the sake of feelings. My entire divorce is messy, and I am jealous of Jenna's divorce, but I don't think she has the right to judge how my process is going. I stay quiet about my proceedings, but Jenna continues to ask. How do I tell her to butt out of my business? I don't need her judging tones regarding my divorce. -- Butt Out, Dallas

DEAR BUTT OUT: Jenna probably doesn't realize that she's passing judgment on you. Chances are, she thinks she is helping you by urging you on. Sit down and tell her that her constant questioning makes you uncomfortable. Admit that your prolonged divorce proceedings make you miserable, and her comments make you feel judged. Ask her to lighten up.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college student at a state school. I go here because of the affordable tuition, but some attend because of the excellent academics. This isn't to say I don't appreciate the academics; I just didn't have the option to pick an out-of-state or private university.

A girl who runs in the same circle as me is, for lack of a better word, a spoiled brat. She has her own car, her own apartment and all the funds she ever needs. Sometimes I wish I were in her shoes, but she loses friends because of the way she acts about her belongings. For example, she'll complain that her mother "only" gave her $300 in spending money for the week. That's more than I could even spend in a month! She'll complain that no one is fun because they can't go to the same expensive concert as her or shop till they drop at the mall.

She has noticed that she is losing friends and has turned to me as her confidant because no one else will listen. She's really confused as to why she turns other people off. Should I just be blunt with her and tell her people don't like her because she's a brat? -- Truth Police, Syracuse, New York

DEAR TRUTH POLICE: Since this girl has asked for your honest assessment, tell her what you think. Frame it as your observation of her ostentatious behavior. Tell her that the way she brags about her wealth makes you uncomfortable and probably makes others antsy, too. Tell her that not every student has the same level of privilege she has, and her constant flaunting of her financial abundance is a turn-off. Suggest that she try to make friends just by getting to know people rather than buying a good time.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife passed of a terminal illness six years ago. I was married to her for 15 years, and she was the love of my life. Our son is 14 years old and has fond memories of his mother, as well as remembering her final months.

I have dipped my toe into the pool of dating and found a woman whose company I truly enjoy. She is around my age, is very educated and has lived an interesting life. She has no children. I brought up the idea of bringing her around to meet my son, and she is willing to do so. When I told my son later that night, it ended with him screaming at me and slamming doors -- disastrous to say the least. My son refuses to meet my new girlfriend. Should I surprise him when he comes home after school? I feel like once he meets her, he'll see how great she is. -- Merging Sides, Boston

DEAR MERGING SIDES: You definitely should not surprise your son with your girlfriend when he comes home from school. That could make him feel unsafe in his own home. Instead, take your time. Talk to your son about dating, in general, so that you can learn his thoughts for himself and for you. He is at the age where he may be thinking about girls, which could only more strongly conflict with the notion of seeing you date.

Tell him little things about your girlfriend so that he becomes familiar with her through your stories. Let him know why you would like for them to meet. Over time, you can win him over.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a bit of a stickler regarding the English language. It was my major in college, and my passion for the language continues to grow through reading and studying. I have a friend who mispronounces words frequently. English is not his second language -- he is simply lazy about learning the proper pronunciation.

I would never correct someone who was just learning to speak a new language, but I have no excuse not to correct him. I do not reprimand him; I simply pronounce the word he was attempting to say. He will either roll his eyes or just ignore me. I feel as though I am being helpful. Many others would just silently judge whereas I am making an effort to fix his pronunciation issues. At a larger dinner recently, I was called "rude" for correcting my friend on his pronunciation. Should I still keep correcting? I believe I am helping him, but not everyone sees it this way. --Stickler, St. Louis

DEAR STICKLER: Stop being the grammar police, particularly in public. You actually were breaking the basic rules of etiquette by correcting your friend at that large dinner.

I tell you this as one who cringes when I hear grammatical errors. I, too, offer corrections here and there to people I love and to those I believe will listen. Actually, people who speak English as a second language will likely appreciate the corrections more than native English speakers. The point is to offer constructive criticism strategically and only to those who welcome it. Otherwise, keep your edits to yourself.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Many years ago, one of my closest friends came out to me as gay. This didn't change our relationship much, and I supported him as he began to date men. As fate would have it, we both moved to Chicago to start new jobs and now live a short distance away from each other. We're having a great time and are both dating around, except now he exclusively dates women. We double date and talk about women now as though he forgot that he is attracted to men.

I have let it slide and never confronted him about staying honest to women about his sexuality. If he continues to have girlfriends, should I say something to him? I don't want him leading women on if he isn't truly attracted to them. The consequences could get messy. -- Where's the Truth, Chicago

DEAR WHERE'S THE TRUTH: Stop avoiding the elephant in the room and just ask him, when you are alone, what the deal is. Since he confided in you before, you have the right to ask. He may honestly choose to date women exclusively now. Find out where he stands. If your hidden worry is about his health, you can ask him that too. The reality, though, is that anyone who is sexually active should regularly be tested for sexually transmitted infections. So, rather than asking the question only of him, you should be checking yourself as well. Approach the health question that way, and you are likely to get an honest answer.

As it relates to what your friend tells his dates, it is not your business to reveal your friend's sexual history to anyone. You can suggest that he do so.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandfather is in his 70s. At his age, some of his closest friends have passed away. I want to help my grandfather make more friends because I am so saddened by his losses. I could never imagine losing my supportive friends.

I don't even know how to get this endeavor started. I mentioned to my grandpa that he should find some new friends, and he got defensive, saying he has all he needs. I just want him to stay social and not feel lonely. How can I make friends for my grandpa? -- Older Social Butterfly, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR OLDER SOCIAL BUTTERFLY: You should listen to your grandfather. He knows himself. Unless he starts acting reclusive or otherwise different, do not assume that he is in need of friends. Having grandchildren is a huge blessing for older people. Your presence in his life is likely far more important than a reduced number of friendships. Young people keep older people vital. My strongest recommendation would be to commit to spending more time with your grandfather, whether it's talking on the phone, going on visits or simply being together.

Outside of that, if your grandfather ever expresses interest in broadening his activities, look for a senior center in his area. Many of these centers offer daytime engagements that can be fun and uplifting for their participants.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)