life

Reader Feels He Has Lost Touch With Grandson

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 10th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a grandfather to two lovely children. My grandson is 14 years old now. As recently as two years ago, we would go to the zoo or the carnival together. Now, it seems as though my grandson is too "cool" for me. I keep attempting to reach out to him, but now I just hear crickets. I don't want to stop his youthful fun. I just want to be involved in his life.

My granddaughter still spends time with me, so I am grateful, but I just miss my grandson. I have been thinking about how to relate to him or make the things we used to do appealing to him. He just doesn't seem to want to spend time with me anymore. How can I convince him that spending time with his grandfather will be fun? I haven't seen him in months now. -- Grandpa in the Dust, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR GRANDPA IN THE DUST: What a difference a day can make, let alone a couple of years! Your grandson is trying to find his way as an adolescent, and he seems to be fully absorbed in his teenage life right now. I can imagine how disconnected that feels for you.

One thing you may consider is, if you both have smartphones or other electronic devices, communicate using those tools. Send texts and photos to your grandson of curious or fun moments. Do not try to guilt him into seeing you. Instead, show him what you are doing. Even if it seems boring, you can try to make it fun. Like taking a picture of something interesting you discovered on your morning walk or a selfie of you with your favorite tree in the background or in a kookier setting, basically something to remind him of you. In turn, he may do the same.

TeensFamily & Parenting
life

Reader Desperate for a Job

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 10th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am unemployed. I continued school for a few extra years and now find myself with what I've dubbed a useless degree. As I speak to my family and friends about jobs I am interviewing for, they typically say something along the lines of: "You're too good for that job."

Whether or not I am overqualified for a bartending or waitressing job does not matter to me any longer. I may have more education than I need, but I need a job, and no one seems to be offering. I am ready to make money, and I don't need to be judged for whatever line of work I can get into. My family seems to be so overbearing about me getting a job in my field -- to the point where I just don't want to speak to them about my job hunt. I just need money! Is it that important to get a job in the field I studied? -- Need Cash, Baltimore

DEAR NEED CASH: Stop complaining to your family and go to recruiters, or scour the want ads to look for options. When you go for interviews, be upbeat. When asked why you are trying out for a job that doesn't seem like a great match, be honest. You want to work. You are a hard worker, and you will make them proud.

Explain what qualities you bring to that company, no matter who it is, so that you seem appealing for that job specifically. If asked why you aren't pursuing your field of interest, explain that you will again, but right now you want to get to work, and you are ready to give this company your all.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Work & SchoolMoneyFamily & Parenting
life

Mom Worries About Toddler's Development

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 9th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a mother of two children, a 7-year-old girl and a 2-year-old boy. I have been worrying about my son's development in comparison to his older sister. When she was 2 years old, she was running about and speaking in full sentences. My son is still clumsy, and I just feel like he hasn't been developing like his sister did.

I have seen doctors, and they say children develop at different rates. However, both of these children have had the same environment to grow up in! I am worried that my son is falling behind developmentally. My husband isn't home enough to see the difference between how our kids are developing, but he admits it is a bit harder to get my son to listen and connect in a conversation. I have been trying to set up play dates with other boys his age to see if he is truly behind. Am I going too far? I just want to make sure my son is growing up and developing correctly. -- Mama Bear, Dallas

DEAR MAMA BEAR: It is true that children develop differently, in virtually every way. There are also markers for development. You can check with your son's pediatrician to ensure that he is meeting those developmental markers. You can also consult a behavioral specialist to get a second opinion. Meanwhile, it's a great idea to continue to match him up with play dates, not just to observe him. You need to find comfort zones for him so that he can flourish. If you identify children who naturally fit his rhythm, you may find that he matures differently.

life

Sense & Sensitivity for May 09, 2016

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 9th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I caught my preteen daughter on social media about a month ago. She is 11 years old, and I don't want her publicly posting photographs or messages for the world to see. You never know who is out there. I want her to stop, but she's sneaking around my rules and still posting from her phone and laptop. It's like I can't control her.

I don't want to back down from my social media ban, but she's not listening to me at all. Is it time to give up? If she's acting like this now, I don't know how I'll be able to keep her under control as a teenager. -- Too Many Hormones, Syracuse, New York

DEAR TOO MANY HORMONES: Rather than shut her off from social media completely -- you may not be able to control that, anyway -- learn as much as you can about parental controls and talk to her about boundaries. She can use many social media platforms engaging private settings that will allow only people she has approved to view her posts. You can make it a requirement that you be able see her posts whenever you want.

If she refuses, you can take her phone away for a period of time. Just know that she can probably access her accounts via other friends' smartphones or computers. It is essential for the two of you to develop a way to communicate with each other so that you can both hear what the other is saying. Be frank with your daughter about the types of people and messages that should be red flags. Stay alert.

(Harriette Cole is a life stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

life

Reader Running Ragged in New Position

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 7th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am finding myself going crazy. I accepted a new management role within my company about four months ago, and while I should be happy, I cannot be any more stressed. I'm rushing, so I'm not eating well. I haven't been sleeping right, and gym time has been nonexistent. I'm meeting my deadlines and executing my work well, but I know this is not going to be a sustainable strategy. How can I get some order back in my life so I can regain my sanity and my health? -- Not Trying to Die at 40, Philadelphia

DEAR NOT TRYING TO DIE AT 40: I recently attended a conference where Magic Johnson spoke. He described his action-packed day as starting at 4:30 a.m. in the gym, where he works out for two hours to start his day. He recommended fitting the exercise in as a way to have the energy to do all of the work before him. Because fitness was a top priority, he did not allow it to be compromised. I restarted my exercise campaign and recommend the same to you!

Work & SchoolHealth & Safety
life

Dad's New Girlfriend Creeps Out Reader

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | May 7th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad is seriously starting to creep me out. Last year, he had to pick me up from a college class because my car broke down. After getting lost on his way to me, he met a young woman who also attended my school. She helped him find me, and they started talking and exchanged numbers. I didn't read too deep into it at first because my dad is a friendly guy.

Over the next couple of weeks, I noticed my dad on the phone more. I know him, and I know when he's up to something. A few weeks ago, he asked me to come over to his house. I guess he forgot because when I came in, he was on the couch kissing the girl! I was disgusted. She's young enough to be his daughter -- literally. I cannot believe he had the audacity to go after such a young woman. He tried to calm me down and told me that he was very much "in love" with her. He went on to say that there's no one else out there for him.

My dad is 56, and the girl is 22. I just find the relationship inappropriate -- especially since she goes to my school. I think my dad just doesn't want to face the fact that he's getting older, so he's clinging to her. How do I get my father to see that it's OK to grow old? -- Concerned Daughter, Little Rock, Arkansas

DEAR CONCERNED DAUGHTER: You can tell your father how you feel, and you can choose to keep your distance. What you cannot do is dictate who he dates. This may be his mid-life crisis, or the relationship may stick. Step back for now, and let it run its course, out of your line of sight.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Family & ParentingLove & Dating

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